As my head spins, Dex gives me another grin. “Think about it, sweetheart. Goodnight.”
He strolls away, closing the bedroom door softly behind him.
I sink down on the edge of the bed, his words whirling in my mind.
He’s right.
Looking back, I can see it so clearly. If I’d been more honest about my feelings for Hunter, found some way to be bold, then none of this would have happened.
If I’d found the courage one night to take his hand as he walked me back from the library, stopped him in the middle of that moonlit path, reached up, and given him a kiss.
What’s the worst that could have happened?
Maybe he would have awkwardly pulled away, explained that he didn’t feel that way about me. Or maybe we would have fallen into bed together, spent two or three nights in each other’s arms before those dark shadows consumed his eyes again and he cast me off for the next girl in his parade of self-loathing and destruction.
It would have hurt. Even now I flinch from the thought of the humiliation, being rejected like that.
But it would have been over.
A brief sting. A couple of months feeling foolish and miserable at most; ducking away when I saw him around campus, or having to fake a nonchalant laugh. But compare that small injury to the years I’ve spent hanging on the end of every call or text. All those lonely nights spent wishing I was safe in his embrace. I would have moved on, healed my bruised heart and found someone else to love.
Hunter wouldn’t have remained my fantasy, my safe way of hiding from the world and everything I could feel.
I inhale in a shiver, the truth finally clear.
Dex is right about everything.
7.
DEX
I pace down to the water’s edge, needing to get away from the house—from her—before I do something that we both regret. Tension coils tight in every muscle in my damn body, and I let out a sharp growl of frustration. That girl doesn’t even realize how much control it’s taking to keep from yanking her body to mine, tangling that silken red hair in my fists and making real all the fevered fantasies that have plagued my brain since that night we spent together.
Rip her clothes off the minute she stepped into the house? I wasn’t planning on letting her make it past the threshold.
Ever since the moment I heard her sweet voice on the other end of the line, lust has been raging through my body, a wildfire burning out of control. Remembering all the ways I made her moan, the last time she was in my arms. Planning all the new pleasures I’m going to show her this time around.
Craving her sweetness, the soft balm over the jagged edges of my used up, fucked up soul.
I catch my breath, staring out at the dark ocean. After imagining it for so long, I still can’t believe she’s really here. I’d given up on ever hearing from her again. After she walked away, I was like a man obsessed. Hell, I even hired a private investigator to track her down for me before I realized it doesn’t make a damn piece of difference whether I knew how to find her.
The point is, she didn’t want to be found. Not by me. She’d made it clear, she was hung up on some other man. The luckiest guy in the whole universe, and he doesn’t even know it. Talk about irony: I’ve got Grammy awards lined up on my shelf, supermodels on speed dial, and a garage full of luxury sports cars, but he’s got the one thing I don’t, at least, not yet.
Her heart.
To have her waiting at his beck and call? The man has to be blind or stupid or both. I only spent a few precious hours with her, but I already know, that girl is the only one who could keep me from the edge, save me from the oblivion that threatens me, whispering its twisted temptation a little louder, every day.
One of these days, I know, it’s going to win.
Yeah, Alicia is my salvation. I was ready to push her up against the wall the second I laid eyes on her, sink deep between those pale, creamy thighs, and show her she should never have made me wait so long. But when I opened the door and saw her standing there, with the shadow of pain in her beautiful hazel eyes, the truth hit me in a bitter crash.
She didn’t come because she realized she couldn’t go another day without me. She’s here because of him. It wasn’t desire that drove her to pick up the phone and call. No, it was desperation.
I’m not her first choice. I’m her last resort.
But as we got talking, and I slipped under her innocent spell all over again, I realized something crazy. I don’t even care. I don’t care what her reasons are for running to me, I’m just so fucking grateful she’s here.
She doesn’t know how close to the edge these last few months have driven me. That I’m steps from the precipice, that itch for the spotlight twisting in my veins.
This could be over anytime you like, the voice taunts me. Just call your manager, get the band back together. Sign another deal, play another tour. You could have everything, right back where you belong:
On stage in front of fifty thousand screaming fans, feeding off their adoration, blowing their minds night after night.
I clench my fists, pushing back the dark temptation. I swore a long time ago there was no going back for me, and I still cling to that vow with everything I’ve got.
Last time, the damage was unthinkable. This time…
I can’t risk it happening again.
I turn back to the house and head inside, locking up behind me. Alicia’s probably sleeping now, fiery hair tangled across her pillows. I feel a surge of lust as I pass her bedroom door, fighting the urge to open it and slide under the covers with her; cradle that lush, warm body against me and caress her awake until she wakes to her own climax.