Lila studies my face for a beat, her expression giving nothing away, before she speaks. I don’t know why, but between her and Lyn, I have always thought that Lila didn’t exactly want Cohen and me to get together.
“I don’t think it’s crazy, Dani. But I’m worried about you. He’s my brother, but you have always been like a sister to Lyn and me. I’m worried that things might get . . . sticky.”
“Meaning?” I push hesitantly.
“What’s going to happen when he comes home?” she asks, not answering my question.
“The same thing that would have happened if he were still here. We’re going to tell everyone together and then, hopefully with their blessing, continue to see where our relationship goes.”
“Okay. Well, what’s keeping you from telling everyone now? I’ll be honest, I don’t agree with your wanting to keep a lid on it.”
I’m trying to keep my temper in check. I know she’s just trying to think logically, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to get frustrated with her lack of faith.
“You’re afraid he’s going to change his mind, aren’t you?” she asks when I don’t say anything,
“Never,” I spit venomously. “Look, I don’t want to fight with you, Lila, but I have faith in your brother that he never would have even opened this can of worms if he didn’t mean it. But I will admit that I can see where you’re coming from. It might be easier for me to say something now and deal with calming my dad down while Cohen is home. I know one thing for sure: when he comes home, I want to be able to focus on us becoming us without having to worry about hiding and being scared of what others might think. So I guess I’m not going to keep this to myself.” I sigh and try to suck down the small panic I have from knowing what kind of chat that will be with my dad. “I’ll tell my parents about it next weekend at dinner.” I nod a few times before stopping. God, I must look like a bobblehead.
Her eyes widen. “You’re going to tell your father—the same father that locked you in the house when Toby Gilbert tried to take you to the movies when you were seventeen and chased the kid out of the house with a chainsaw—that you and Cohen are together?”
“Hey—the chainsaw wasn’t on,” I laugh, remembering how embarrassed I was.
“Dani . . . he still chased a man down with a freaking chainsaw and all Toby wanted was to take you to a movie. We’re talking about telling your father that you and Cohen are together together, and I’m pretty sure no one is going to believe that you two have something that doesn’t involve touching.”
“I know, I know,” I sigh. “But I figure it would be better to tell him now and give him a while to get used to it before Cohen comes home.”
“Oh, God. He’s going to kill him. You know that, right?”
“He wouldn’t kill him knowing it would hurt me. Hey! What’s with the back-and-forth crap here? Five minutes ago, you were questioning my logic on not saying anything. Now, you don’t think I should.”
“I think that’s before I realized what telling Axel you’re dating his best friend’s son would do to said best friend’s son.”
“It’ll be okay. It will.”
She gives me a weak smile, which tells me that even she doesn’t believe my lie to myself.
God, this is going to be a nightmare.
Lee came over later that night with my brother. We were supposed to go out to a local sports bar for dinner, but by the time they got there, I was so tired that all I wanted to do was crash. I feel like I’ve been running on empty for the last few weeks, grasping at any kind of sleep I can find.
We’re all camped out in the living room. Lee and I are sitting on the couch, my head in his lap while his fingers brush my hair, pulling me halfway to dreamland, when my phone rings for the second time in five minutes.
“It says ‘private,’ Dani,” Nate says from the recliner next to us. “Want me to answer it?”
“Yeah, whatever,” I mumble with a wave of my hand, not really caring. Anyone who needs me that bad could just call the house.
“’Ello?” Nate booms into my phone. “The fuck?”
Something in his tone draws my attention, and I look over at him. His eyes are locked on mine, but other than the sharp look he’s throwing my way, he appears to be relaxed.
“Yeah. Sure thing, bro. I think you might want this, Dani.” Nate extends his arm with my phone and waits for me to take it, looking at me like he can’t figure out what’s going on.
“Hello?” I question, trying to shake the lingering fatigue away.
“Dani-girl,” I hear, and my eyes shoot to Nate before closing tightly and letting his voice wash over me.
Oh my God!
“How . . . how are you calling me? Did you call your parents? Your sisters or brothers? Oh my God! Are you okay? You’re calling because something happened, aren’t you?”
“Slow down, baby,” he laughs. “I missed you. That’s all.”
Well, so much for holding my shit together. Those three words almost cause me to come undone. I give Nate another look, begging him not to freak out until I can talk to him. He gives me a hard one back but doesn’t say anything.
“I miss you, too,” I breathe while getting off the couch and walking out of the room.
Right when I’m about to shut the door into the front bathroom to get some privacy, I hear Nate boom at Lee, “Did you fucking know about that shit?”
“I’m guessing I have some explaining I need to do to your brother when I get home,” he laughs, completely unconcerned about Nate’s freak-out.
“That’s an understatement at the moment,” I laugh when I hear something thump on the other side of the door followed by Lee’s whine of pain. “Don’t worry. I’ll talk to Nate.”
“You shouldn’t have to deal with that alone, Dani. I hate that I’ve left you in that position.” He pauses, and I can hear his breathing pick up. “Fuck, I hate this. If you want to wait to say something, I won’t hold that against you. I meant it when I said it was you and me against the world.”
“I can handle it.” And I can. Plus I wasn’t joking when I told Lila earlier that it would be best for me to soften the blow a little when it comes to my father.
“To answer your earlier question, no. I haven’t and won’t be able to call anyone else. I’m going dark, baby, and I know this might be the last chance I get to call home—I needed that call to be to you. I couldn’t go without making sure I told you some things. Things I should have said before I left. God, I sound like a fucking sap. I can’t explain it better than me needing to get my head straight before our next mission and the only way I could accomplish that was to talk to you.”