She knelt down, and did her utmost to eradicate those impulses towards
St. Cleeve which were inconsistent with her position as the wife of an
absent man, though not unnatural in her as his victim.
She knelt till she seemed scarcely to belong to the time she lived in,
which lost the magnitude that the nearness of its perspective lent it on
ordinary occasions, and took its actual rank in the long line of other
centuries. Having once got out of herself, seen herself from afar off,
she was calmer, and went on to register a magnanimous vow. She would
look about for some maiden fit and likely to make St. Cleeve happy; and
this girl she would endow with what money she could afford, that the
natural result of their apposition should do him no worldly harm. The
interest of her, Lady Constantine's, life should be in watching the
development of love between Swithin and the ideal maiden. The very
painfulness of the scheme to her susceptible heart made it pleasing to
her conscience; and she wondered that she had not before this time
thought of a stratagem which united the possibility of benefiting the
astronomer with the advantage of guarding against peril to both Swithin
and herself. By providing for him a suitable helpmate she would preclude
the dangerous awakening in him of sentiments reciprocating her own.
Arrived at a point of exquisite misery through this heroic intention,
Lady Constantine's tears moistened the books upon which her forehead was
bowed. And as she heard her feverish heart throb against the desk, she
firmly believed the wearing impulses of that heart would put an end to
her sad life, and momentarily recalled the banished image of St. Cleeve
to apostrophise him in thoughts that paraphrased the quaint lines of
Heine's _Lieb' Liebchen_:-'
Dear my love, press thy hand to my breast, and tell
If thou tracest the knocks in that narrow cell;
A carpenter dwells there; cunning is he,
And slyly he's shaping a coffin for me!'
Lady Constantine was disturbed by a break in the organist's meandering practice, and raising her head she saw a person standing by the player. It was Mr. Torkingham, and what he said was distinctly audible. He was inquiring for herself.
'I thought I saw Lady Constantine walk this way,' he rejoined to
Tabitha's negative. 'I am very anxious indeed to meet with her.' She went forward. 'I am here,' she said. 'Don't stop playing, Miss Lark. What is it, Mr. Torkingham?' Tabitha thereupon resumed her playing, and Mr. Torkingham joined Lady Constantine.
'I have some very serious intelligence to break to your ladyship,' he
said. 'But--I will not interrupt you here.' (He had seen her rise from
her knees to come to him.) 'I will call at the House the first moment
you can receive me after reaching home.' 'No, tell me here,' she said, seating herself.