“I’m not sure,” Felicia admitted. “I’m staying with Gideon for a few weeks, to help Carter settle in.”
Staying in the master bedroom by herself, she thought. Despite her talk with Gideon, he had yet to join her in bed. When he got home from the radio station, he paced through the house. She’d see him walk through the bedroom a few times and knew he was barely sleeping at all.
“I want to make sure I’m doing everything right,” she said.
Patience laughed. “With Carter? That’s your question? How to do everything right?”
Felicia tried to ignore the laughter. “Yes.”
“Oh, honey, that’s not possible. No one gets it right all the time.”
“You do. Lillie is extremely well-adjusted. She’s happy and bright, with excellent socialization.”
“Thank you, but I can’t take too much credit. She’s a good kid and I’ve had my mother to help. Sometimes I get it right, and sometimes I screw up royally. We all do. In your case, you have a bigger challenge.”
Felicia understood that. “He’s not my child and neither of us know him. He’s out of his element. From his perspective, he has no support structure, no one he can trust. Although his mother’s been gone a year, I’m sure he’s missing her a lot. He feels alone and unloved.”
Patience blinked at her. “Okay, then. You’re clear on his problems. What do you think of Carter personally?”
Felicia thought about the teen. “I like him. He’s very resourceful and fun. From what I can tell, he has an excellent character and he’s intelligent.” She smiled. “He’s much more socially normal than I am.” She paused. “We hugged. I found the moment meaningful.”
“I’m sure he did, too. However tall he is and socially capable, he’s still a kid who’s all alone. I would say, be on his side and let him know it. Be consistent. Knowing and understanding the rules will help him settle in. You want to have fun together, but also give him some space. This has to be overwhelming.”
All things Felicia could do. It was the emotional connection that had her worried.
“How’s Gideon holding up?” Patience asked quietly.
“This is hard for him. He’s avoiding Carter.” And me, she thought, but she wasn’t going to say that. “He had no idea he had a child, and to have Carter show up with no warning... It’s difficult. I worry that Carter will feel rejected.”
“Sure. That makes sense. You don’t want to push it, but try to get them to hang out together. Casual stuff where they’re in the same room.”
“Maybe a movie tonight.” Felicia thought about the possibilities. “One they’ll both like.”
“Or one they won’t,” Patience said with a grin. “Give them something to bond over. A reason to roll their eyes together.”
“Maybe an animated film,” she said, pleased with the idea. “There are several I’ve wanted to see.”
“That would work.”
“Thank you. You’re really good at this.”
“I have a little more practice,” Patience said. “That’s all.”
“Are you and Justice going to have children together?”
Patience flushed. “Wow. Always with the direct questions.”
“I’m sorry. Was that inappropriate?”
“No, just unexpected. To be honest, we haven’t talked about it very much, but I would like to have children with him. I never meant to only have one. Lillie has made it clear she would like a brother or sister. Or both.”
“Justice would worry that he has too much of his father in him to procreate. That he would pass along something bad. I believe in his case nurture is the more powerful influence. I could get you some articles, if you’d like them.”
“Maybe they would help,” Patience said, then smiled. “You’re always so nice to me.”
“I enjoy your company. You’ve been friendly and kind since I arrived, and Justice loves you.”
“Because you and Justice are close. I should probably admit I didn’t like you very much when you arrived in Fool’s Gold.”
Felicia felt her eyes widen. “Why?”
“You’re so beautiful,” Patience grumbled. “I mean, look at you. And then I found out you were really smart and you’d worked with Justice for years. I assumed you two had, well, you know.”
“Been sexually intimate?”
Patience made a strangled sound in her throat. “Right. You’re so good at reminding me to simply state the truth. Okay, yes. I was afraid you’d slept with him, and I could never measure up to all that perfection.”
“The success of sexual relationships between people who care about each other is much more mental than physical. While technique can make things interesting, the emotional connection is far more important.”
“I’m unmoved by your facts,” Patience said, her tone teasing.
“Because your feelings are irrational. I go crazy when I see a spider, so I know what you mean.” She leaned forward. “We never had sex. Justice and I are like family. We love each other—just not that way.”
Felicia told herself not to mention that she’d begged Justice to sleep with her four years ago. Explaining she’d wanted the experience and not a relationship wouldn’t make Patience feel any better. Besides which, Justice had refused and nothing had happened. She was learning some things were best left unsaid.
“Wow,” Patience said happily. “If you’re like his sister, that makes you my sister-in-law. I’m getting a bigger family and you are, too.”
Felicia stared at her as the truth of those words sank in. Belonging, she thought, stunned. It was really happening to her. Perhaps Patience would even ask her to be one of her bridesmaids. Felicia had never been in a wedding before.
“Are you okay?” Patience asked. “Was that the wrong thing to say?”
“No,” Felicia said, smiling and feeling the need to cry all at the same time. “It was exactly the right thing to say.”
* * *
“WE’RE GOING TO have movie night,” Felicia said, holding up the Blu-ray feature she’d purchased that afternoon.
Gideon leaned against the kitchen counter. “Are you asking me or telling me?”
“Telling you.”
He looked at the package. “It’s a cartoon.”
“It’s animated. There’s a difference.”
“Not to me. If we have to watch a movie, can’t we see one with a lot of car chases and shoot-outs?”
She would have assumed he’d seen enough violence for more than one lifetime, but he was a guy. Those kinds of movies generally had a specific outcome. Emotional drama could be ambiguous, which most men found unsatisfying. It was why so few of them enjoyed foreplay without promise of orgasm. Not that Gideon had been seeking either from her.
“This will be fun,” she told him. “And that was also an announcement.”
“Can we negotiate?”
“No. I researched movies online. This one received excellent reviews and the themes are significant to our situation.” She stepped closer and gazed into his eyes. “Please?”
He could have stepped to the side and escaped her. Instead he stayed where he was, his hands braced on the counter behind him. “Using your feminine wiles to convince me?”
“I’m trying,” she admitted. “I don’t think my wile skills are above average, but I’m hoping you’ll overlook that.”
She looked at his face, at the handsome lines. There were a few small scars, but they only added to his appeal. She could see part of a tattoo at the sleeve of his T-shirt. She knew about other marks and scars on his body and felt a flicker of desire. Heat and need burned through her, and she very much wanted to make love with him right that second.
But there was Carter to consider, not to mention the fact that Gideon didn’t seem overly interested in pursuing their chemistry right now. Probably because of everything going on, she thought. Having a son changed everything.
“You don’t have to be afraid,” she said, without thinking.
Gideon stiffened and slid away. “Let’s go watch the movie.”
She grabbed his arm, feeling hard muscles tighten under her grip. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Challenging your masculinity is only going to make you more defensive and less trusting. You’ll focus on what you have to prove rather than the situation at hand.”
One dark eyebrow rose. “This is your way of making it better?”
“Too much analysis?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Are you angry?”
“I should be, but I’m cutting you a break. Mostly because I owe you.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. Crisis averted. “So that’s why you’re not huffing and puffing about what I said?”
“Huffing and puffing?”
She smiled. “It’s an accurate description.”
“You’re cute when you’re intellectual.”
She laughed. “I’m intellectual a lot.”
“Yes, you are.”
He rotated his arm, moving his hand up and around. Before she realized what he was doing, he’d pulled her against him, trapping the movie between them.
“You have too much free time,” he murmured. “It’s the smart thing. I read a short story years ago about a society where everyone was supposed to be equal. So the really strong guy had to walk around with a door strapped to his back.”
“Carrying around a door wouldn’t make me any less smart,” she told him, aware of his body so close to her own. Of the heat of him and how she felt as if her insides were melting. They weren’t, of course. But the sensation was pleasant.
“You’d figure out some kind of device to help carry the weight of the door,” he murmured, lowering his head just a little.
“I would think my time would be better spent overthrowing such a ridiculous government.”
“I’d help.”
He kissed her. She’d hoped he would, and now she lost herself in the feel of his warm, strong mouth on hers.
His lips teased hers, almost nibbling her sensitive skin. She parted, wanting him to deepen the kiss. He obliged, slipping his tongue inside.
She wrapped her free arm around his neck and let her body sink into his. He moved his hands up and down her back, awakening need everywhere he touched.
She was aware of blood rushing to her breasts, of how they were suddenly more sensitive. Especially her nipples. She wanted him to touch her there, to tease her with his fingers, then use his mouth to suck and lick. The image made her insides clench. Sexual hunger made her uncomfortable with its intensity.
He lifted his hands to her shoulders and gently pushed her away. She opened her eyes.
“What?” she asked, when she really meant, “Why are you stopping?”
“The, ah, movie.”
His low voice was thick and husky. She looked down and saw he was fully aroused. They could do it right here, she thought, thinking the counter height would be workable. He could—
She jumped back and sucked in a breath. The movie fell to the floor. “Carter.”
“Right.”
“I forgot.” She’d been so lost in how Gideon made her feel, she’d forgotten there was a child in the house. “I’m a horrible person. I need to be responsible and I forgot.”
Gideon adjusted the front of his jeans, then looked at her. “You kissed me. It’s not like you let him burn down the house.”
“Carter’s too responsible to burn down the house.” She slapped her hand over her mouth.
“What?” he asked.
“I imagined us ha**g s*x on the counter.”
Gideon stepped toward her. “You did?”
“We can’t do that. Not with him here. He could have walked in on us. He’s going through enough without having to deal with that visual.” She closed her eyes. “I’m not ready to be a mother.”
“Sure you are. You enjoyed kissing me. That’s not a crime.”
“I forgot.”
“For ten seconds.”
“That’s all it takes for disaster to strike.”
He lightly touched her cheek. “Don’t you think you’re being a little irrational?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “I feel guilt. I’m overcompensating to distract myself from the guilt, which makes me uncomfortable. I do know that Carter is perfectly capable of taking care of himself for several hours at a time. While having a sexual encounter in the middle of the day in an open kitchen would be wrong, our kissing wouldn’t be detrimental to him.”
His gaze was steady. “But?”
“But I still feel guilty.”
“Welcome to how the other half lives.”
“You feel guilty?” she asked, surprised.
“Everyone does. We’re not doing enough, we’re doing too much. Hell, I feel guilty for not spending more time with Carter.”
“So why don’t you spend more time with him?”
When he just looked at her instead of answering, she understood. The fear. For what was taken and what had been left. For the kind of man he’d become. For all the things he thought he couldn’t do and those he didn’t want to do. Fear bred guilt which caused Gideon to withdraw.
“I feel guilty about you, too,” he admitted.
That surprised her. “Why?”