Q groaned, his fingers diving harder. Now there were no lust sparkles or pleasure, now all I felt were bullets of shame. My h*ps spasmed backward, dislodging Q's touch. I couldn’t do it anymore. His fingers fell away, leaving me empty and all alone.
I can’t fight it.
My heart went sluggish, a curtain of drugs falling over me.
“Tess…” Q’s voice lost its perfect baritone, morphing into my enemy. “I need to know the truth—why did you sacrifice yourself? Why did you let me almost rape you?” French accent traded for Spanish, and Leather Jacket swirled into being.
No longer hazy or unformed—every inch of him was real. The blindfold didn’t keep images out anymore. I saw him plain as truth. His yellow-stained teeth and creaking, reeking jacket. His greasy black hair and dirty fingernails.
“Did you like my fingers inside you, puta?” Leather Jacket sneered.
Q. God, please let me wakeup. This couldn’t be real.
I licked my lips, invoking courage I no longer had. “Let me go.”
He shook his head. “Not until you answer me.”
Tell him. Tell him before he hurts them!
Honesty exploded up my throat, not answering Leather Jacket—but Q. The admission was for him even though he no longer existed. “I wanted to make you happy. I’d gladly give you my life to do that.”
Q suddenly appeared, smashing through the putridity, standing tall. “What do you mean?”
Wanting to answer before I was stolen away again, I said, “I would die for you, Q. That’s what that means. All this talk of belonging to each other—well, you truly do own me. I would gladly give up my life if it meant you’d be happy.”
Q disappeared again, replaced by Leather Jacket. His hand came from nowhere, spanking my thigh with a wicked hot strike. Burning tears flocked to my eyes.
“You still haven’t answered my question. Did you like my fingers inside you, puta?” he asked. His voice smooth and coaxing but beneath it lived a layer of deadly steel.
I hiccupped with building tears. What’s going on?
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The ink completely stole my mind.
Then guilt crushed heavily. Blonde Hummingbird and Angel.
Their silhouettes appeared, bloody and bullet-ridden.
“If you won’t answer my other question, perhaps you’ll answer this. Did you enjoy hurting them? Did you enjoy murder?” Leather Jacket threw his head back, laughing. The sound cut right through me, dredging up everything I wanted to forget.
My tower stood taller, knowing I would have no choice but to step inside its circular walls if I wanted to survive.
I couldn’t live in this limbo anymore. I couldn’t live with these lies, these fears—this guilt.
I wanted to be whole. I wanted to be happy.
Leather Jacket grabbed a handful of my hair, tugging hard. The burn in my scalp sent bugs and beetles, residual from the drugs, skittering over my skin. Their feelers and creepy-crawly legs welcomed me back into the muck I’d lived in.
It wasn’t often I craved another hit. I hated drugs—but in that moment I would’ve willingly traded anything for the smoggy numbness.
Whatever Q gave me wasn’t enough. He’d pushed me overboard, letting me sink into my twisted mind, but it was too twisted—I would never be able to untangle the mess.
Give in. Give up.
“Please! Just let me go.” I hated my weak confusion.
Leather Jacket shoved me, making me spin and dangle from the rope. Catching me after a circulation, he dragged me against his foul stench. “You’re mine again. All mine. I’m never letting you go.” He kissed my cheek, evil black eyes glowing. “We’re equals, you and I. And I’m about to f**king show you.”
Suddenly the blindfold was torn off. Q shattered the vision of Leather Jacket.
I sobbed, seeing him so clearly, even while a waterfall of gunk contaminated my mind. I hated drugs. Hated them! Hated what I became when I took them.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“Ah, Tess. You’re leaving me. But only for a little while.” Leaning forward, Q captured my mouth in a gentle kiss. His lips were soft and sweet and perfectly Q. He didn’t kiss deeply, or request access with his tongue. He just fed me strength—strength I sorely needed.
For one precious moment, I didn’t need to fight. I knew who I was. I knew why I had to give in. We shared our love even while we acknowledged for the next few hours I would hate him.
There would be tears. There would be screams. There would be facing demons and a past that might ruin us. But if we survived, we would be unconquerable.
“Je t’aime,” Q murmured, pulling away.
The curtain slammed down, shoving me face first into the cloying ink. It wasn’t a matter of giving in—the drugs were the master now.
The transition from sweet lover to controlling diabolical trafficker happened in a blink. Q, with his gorgeous jade eyes, disappeared. Leather Jacket took centre stage, revelling in his ownership.
He grinned, shedding his jacket and cracking his fingers as if he had a monstrous task before him. His eyes were flat and cold. “Told you, you were mine, puta.” Stalking forward, he dragged a finger down my exposed cle**age. “Our first exercise is to clean you. You’re f**king filthy.”
I swallowed my fear, heart hammering. Please say shower. Please say shower.
Leather Jacket’s mouth twisted into a horrendous smile. “It’s time for your bath.”
The last drip snuffed out my light, transporting me back to Rio, to Mexico, to nightmares.
Chapter Six
Intertwined, tangled, knotted forever, our souls will always be twisted together,
our demons, our monsters belong to the other,
Bow to me, I bow to thee, now we are free
What the f**k am I doing?
I had no f**king idea. This wasn’t right. It couldn’t be right. Nothing about drugging and mentally torturing a woman who’d been through so much was right.
It was a stupid idea—moronic to think I could walk her through the past and replace the memories. I ought to be f**king shot. I’m an idiot.
Tess’s eyes were vacant, staring right into mine, but not seeing me. Not anymore. Her lips parted, breathing hard with whatever hallucinations whispered in her ear.
This was worse than the f**king nightmares. This was induced by me. For the next couple of hours I had to shed everything I’d fought so hard and become her worst fears. I had to become the man I’d sworn never to be.
I glared at Tess, hanging and bound. The dressing gown gaped wide, showing her perfect body and luscious br**sts. She was sent to make me sin. All my life I’d abstained from my true nature but then cruel fate gave me her.
My hands clenched, unable to deny the billowing blackness settling over me. Creeping from ignorable to f**king intolerable. Each moment I let myself continue this charade, the light inside blotted out until I no longer recognised myself.
The only thing protecting Tess from my snarling scream-thirsty beast was love.
Unconditional love—miraculously keeping me on a leash. She owned my heart and soul. That was the only safeguard preventing me from not giving a shit anymore and diving head first into debauchery.
No one would know….Something slithered in my brain, whispering sickness and want.
She dangled like a feast—surrounded in darkness, drugged out of her mind. I could do anything….
My stomach tensed as desire shot up my spine. It would be so easy to mount and f**k her while hanging from the ceiling. I could be cruel and heartless. I could hurt her the way I wanted with no repercussions. She would never know it was me.
You’d be him. You’d walk straight into fate.
My lips curled; I spat on the floor as a rush of bile filled my mouth. To ever think I was weak enough to become my father made me suicidal with rage.
I would never do that to Tess. No matter how my sick c**k ached.
Locking my knees, I made an oath. A pact with my f**king soul.
Whatever I did here, I would never overstep two boundaries: rape or blood play. If Tess ever became strong enough to endure my needs, completely sane and willing, then I’d give myself some leniency. But not before and definitely not with an unhinged druggie I was trying to save.
Tess’s dilated eyes trained on me, never looking away, despite the haze. “Why—why are you doing this? He’ll come for you again, you know.” Her head dropped as if suddenly too heavy, the drugs sucking her deeper.
I shuddered at the thought of what she’d been through—what I was putting her through once again.
I knew she didn’t see me. She saw them.
The drug did what Franco had said. I’d asked him to find something—a hallucinogenic that lasted a couple of hours. He’d disappeared, returning a little while later with a single yellow pill.
I didn’t know the name of the chemical or even where he got it from. And I fed it to the woman I wanted to grow old with. How f**king irresponsible!
My jaw worked hard, grinding my teeth, flaring a rapidly building headache. I’d fed it to her because I made the choice. A choice I already f**king regretted. But it was done now. The only thing left to do was suffer the consequences.
I snapped my fingers in front of Tess’s face, making sure she was completely consumed by visions. Time to begin.
“Fuck me, I’m going to hell,” I muttered.
Tess sucked in a breath, but there was no flicker of love or comprehension. Rather, her eyes blazed with a hate so pure and piercing, my heart stuttered at the thought of her ever looking at me that way in reality.
I wished I could enter her mind and see which ass**le haunted her.
My hands curled at the thought of the man, Smith. The cocksucker responsible. His heart now rested under a rose bush, his body torn to pieces and burned. Or did she see the man who’d raped the girl beside her, earning the wrath of Franco cutting off his cock. Either way—it didn’t matter.
She was in hell—so the f**k was I.
This was my burden. I was the reason she was broken. I was the reason she’d lost so much. And I was the only one who could bring her back. And I had to do it before…
I don’t know how long I have to fix her.
The thought slipped through my carefully fortified defences. I refused to think so morbidly—but I couldn’t lie to myself. They were coming. And I had no intention of leaving Tess like this if they achieved what they wanted.
Are you ready to do this?
Never. But I moved forward anyway. Tess flinched; eyes hazy and unfocused. She hadn’t looked around the room or asked where she was. None of that mattered because all she cared about was freedom. Freedom from a third kidnapping and pain.
I wanted to scream: ‘whoever you see in your head—they’re dead. I slaughtered them. Their blood stains my hands.’
But I didn’t. She had to believe this was true. She had to give in completely.
Now. Do it now. I didn’t know how long the pill would last. I had a lot to accomplish before it ended.
With trembling hands, I reached above and undid the fastening. I’d strung her from a low hanging chandelier—deliberately drawing all the curtains and turning on no lights. I didn’t want Tess to see the room until I was ready. Once she returned to me—then she’d understand.
I pulled the cord around her wrists; she stumbled forward. Her body landed on mine and I groaned as her br**sts squished against my chest. So soft. So pure. So f**king perfect.
My heart bucked with need. I would’ve given anything to be able to tackle her to the floor and drive myself inside. To take and give and consume and adore.
I swallowed hard as my eyes landed on her pu**y. My mouth watered to taste her—to dip my tongue inside. She’d been wet, soaking before.
I’d wanted to make her come. I’d wanted to give her one burst of pleasure before the drugs stole her, but I’d been too slow.
Now, it was up to me to be a bastard all in the name of curing her. I had one chance at breaking her nightmares, and I refused to f**k it up.
Yanking the rope, I dragged her forward. She moaned in pain as blood rushed back from having her arms up for so long.
“Stop bitching.” My c**k ached. Fuck, it ached. Everything about what I did called to the monster. Tess’s fear clogged my nostrils, making it so damn hard to remember I was doing this for her. Not for me.
“So you’re the master who doesn’t let himself play.” Smith’s voice slammed into my head. It didn’t matter I’d stolen his heart—he’d come to destroy me.
My back locked straight as I growled under my breath, repeating what I’d said to him that night. “I’m the man who knows right from wrong.”
“No, you live in denial. One day you’ll see the truth. It will happen. You can’t ignore who you truly are forever. One day the decision won’t be yours anymore, and when that happens operations like ours will be your saving grace.”
Fuck.
I couldn’t live like this much longer. I couldn’t live so torn.
I clutched my head, sucking in greedy breaths, forcing my mind to fill with images. Images I deliberately blocked from my past.
“Do you want a taste, Quincy? You keep sneaking into rooms you’re forbidden to f**king go, all because you want a piece of pu**y?” My father motioned me forward with his free hand, while his other thrust thick fingers into a screaming blonde.
My ten-year-old stomach threatened to evict the cherry pie Mrs. Sucre had made me, but if my father told me to do something, I had no choice but to do it.
Inching across the carpet, my eyes fell on a tangled mess of hair and limbs. A girl. Skin that should’ve been dusky and pink was now grey and lifeless. Even her blood had turned from bright red to brown.