“This was a good idea, Lara.” He smiles, then bends to kiss my cheek. “No hard feelings. Let’s stay in touch.”
Stay in touch?
“Have another drink!” I try not to sound desperate. “Just a quick one!”
Josh considers for a moment, then looks at his watch again. “OK, a quick one. Same?” He heads toward the bar. The minute he’s out of earshot I hiss, “Sadie!” and beckon her over from the bar stool where she’s been sitting throughout, wedged between two businessmen with stripy-shirted guts.
“Tell him he loves me!”
“But he doesn’t love you,” says Sadie, as though explaining something very simple to someone very stupid.
“He does! He does, really! He’s just scared to admit it, even to himself. But you saw us. We were getting on amazingly. If he only had a little nudge in the right direction… please… please…” I gaze at her entreatingly. “After everything I’ve done for you … please .”
Sadie gives an exasperated sigh. “All right.”
A microsecond later she’s at Josh’s side, bellowing in his ear, “You still love Lara! You made a mistake! You still love Lara!”
I can see him stiffen and shake his head, trying to rid himself of the noise. He brushes his ear a few times, breathes heavily, and rubs his face. At last I see him turn and survey me. He looks so dazed that if I wasn’t feeling so anxious I’d laugh.
“You still love Lara! You still love Lara!”
As Josh carries the drinks over and sits down next to me, he seems transfixed. I shoot Sadie a grateful smile and sip my wine, waiting for Josh to declare himself. But he sits rigid, his eyes distant.
“Is there something on your mind, Josh?” I prompt at last in a soft voice. “Because if there is, you can tell me. I’m an old friend. You can trust me.”
“Lara-” He stops.
I look desperately at Sadie for more help. He’s nearly there, he’s so nearly there…
“You love Lara! Don’t fight it, Josh! You love her!”
Josh’s brow is clearing. He’s drawing breath. I think he’s going to-
“Lara.”
“Yes, Josh?” I can hardly manage the words.
Go on, go on, go on…
“I think maybe I made a mistake.” Josh swallows hard. “I think I still love you.”
Even though I knew he was going to say it, there’s a huge, romantic swell in my heart, and tears start pricking my eyes.
“Well… I still love you, Josh,” I say, my voice trembling. “I always did.”
I’m not sure if he kisses me or I kiss him, but suddenly our arms are wrapped around each other, and we’re devouring each other. (OK, I think I kissed him.) As we draw apart eventually, Josh looks even more dazed than before.
“Well,” he says after a bit.
“Well.” I lovingly mesh my fingers with his.
“Lara, I have this squash thing.” He glances at his watch, looking uncomfortable. “I need to…”
“Don’t worry,” I say generously. “Go. We can talk later.”
“OK.” He nods. “I’ll text you my new number.”
“Great.” I smile.
I won’t bring up the fact that I think it was a total overreaction to change his mobile number just because of a few texts I sent him. We can talk about that another time. No hurry.
As he flips open his phone, I glance over his shoulder-and feel a jolt of sheer amazement. He’s still got a photo of us on his screen. Him and me. Standing on a mountain in our skiwear at sunset. We’re in silhouette, but I remember the moment vividly. We’d been skiing all day, and the sunset was spectacular. We asked this German guy to take a picture, and he spent about half an hour lecturing Josh about the settings on his phone. And Josh kept the photo! All this time!
“Nice picture,” I say in a deadpan, casual way, nodding at it.
“Yeah.” Josh’s face softens as he gazes at it. “Makes me feel good whenever I look at it.”
“Me too,” I say breathlessly.
I knew it. I knew it. He does love me. He just needed a nudge, he just needed a confidence boost, he just needed that inner voice to tell him it was OK.
My phone burbles with a text, and Josh’s number pops up on my screen. I can’t help a tiny sigh of satisfaction. I’ve got him back again. He’s mine!
We head out of the pub, hands tightly clasped, and pause at the corner.
“I’ll get a cab,” says Josh. “Do you want to-”
I’m about to say, “Great! I’ll share it with you!” But then the new Lara stops me. Don’t be too eager. Give him space .