Egwene drew back, perhaps at the fervor of his words. Then, unexpectedly, she nodded. “Perhaps there is…wisdom in those words, Gawyn.”
“Bring it before the Hall,” Gawyn said. “At its core, Egwene, a sister not bonding a Warder is an act of selfishness. That bond makes a man a better soldier, and we’ll need every edge we can find. This will also help prevent the murders.”
“I will see what can be done,” Egwene said.
“Could you let me see the reports the sisters are giving?” Gawyn said. “About the murders, I mean?”
“Gawyn,” she said, “I’ve allowed you to be a part of the investigation because I thought it might be good to have a different set of eyes looking things over. Giving you their reports would just influence you to draw the same conclusions as they do.”
“At least tell me this,” he said. “Have the sisters raised the worry that this might not be the work of the Black Ajah? That the assassin might be a Gray Man or a Darkfriend?”
“No, they have not,” Egwene said, “because we know that the assassin is not one of those two.”
“But the door last night, it was forced. And the women are killed with knives, not the One Power. There are no signs of gateways or—”
“The killer has access to the One Power,” Egwene said, speaking very carefully. “And perhaps they are not using gateways.”
Gawyn narrowed his eyes. Those sounded like the words of a woman stepping around her oath not to lie. “You’re keeping secrets,” he said. “Not just from me. From the entire Tower.”
“Secrets are needed sometimes, Gawyn.”
“Can’t you trust me with them?” He hesitated. “I’m worried that the assassin will come for you, Egwene. You don’t have a Warder.”
“Undoubtedly she will come for me, eventually.” She toyed with something on her desk. It looked like a worn leather strap, the type used to punish a criminal. Odd.
She? “Please, Egwene,” he said. “What’s going on?”
She studied him, then she sighed. “Very well. I’ve told this to the women doing the investigation. Perhaps I should tell you too. One of the Forsaken is in the White Tower.”
He lowered his hand to his sword. “What? Where! You have her captive?”
“No,” Egwene said. “She’s the assassin.”
“You know this?”
“I know Mesaana is here; I’ve dreamed that it is true. She hides among us. Now, four Aes Sedai, dead? It’s her, Gawyn. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
He bit off questions. He knew very little of Dreaming, but knew she had the Talent. It was said to be like Foretelling.
“I haven’t told the entire Tower,” Egwene continued. “I worry that if they knew one of the sisters around them is secretly one of the Forsaken, it would divide us all again, as under Elaida. We’d all be suspicious of one another.
“It’s bad enough now, with them thinking Black sisters are Traveling in to commit murders, but at least that doesn’t make them suspicious of one another. And maybe Mesaana will think that I’m not aware it is her. But there, that’s the secret you begged to know. It’s not a Black sister we hunt, but one of the Forsaken.”
It was daunting to consider—but no more so than the Dragon Reborn walking the land. Light, a Forsaken in the Tower seemed more plausible than Egwene being the Amyrlin Seat! “We’ll deal with it,” he said, sounding far more confident than he felt.
“I have sisters searching the histories of everyone in the Tower,” Egwene said. “And others are watching for suspicious words or actions. We’ll find her. But I don’t see how we can make the women any more secure without inciting an even more dangerous panic.”
“Warders,” Gawyn said firmly.
“I will think on it, Gawyn. For now, there is something I need of you.”
“If it is within my power, Egwene.” He took a step toward her. “You know that.”
“Is that so?” she asked dryly. “Very well. I want you to stop guarding my door at night.”
“What? Egwene, no!”
She shook her head. “You see? Your first reaction is to challenge me.”
“It is the duty of a Warder to offer challenge, in private, where his Aes Sedai is concerned!” Hammar had taught him that.
“You are not my Warder, Gawyn.”
That brought him up short.
“Besides,” Egwene said, “you could do little to stop one of the Forsaken. This battle will be fought by sisters, and I am being very careful with the wards I set. I want my quarters to look inviting. If she tries to attack me, perhaps I can surprise her with an ambush.”
“Use yourself as bait?” Gawyn was barely able to get the words out. “Egwene, this is madness!”
“No. It’s desperation. Gawyn, women I am responsible for are dying. Murdered in the night, in a time when you yourself said we will need every woman.”
For the first time, fatigue showed through her mask, a weariness of tone and a slight slump to her back. She folded her hands in front of her, suddenly seeming worn.
“I have sisters researching everything we can find about Mesaana,” Egwene continued. “She’s not a warrior, Gawyn. She’s an administrator, a planner. If I can confront her, I can defeat her. But we must find her first. Exposing myself is only one of my plans—and you are right, it is dangerous. But my precautions have been extensive.”
“I don’t like it at all.”
“Your approval is not required.” She eyed him. “You will have to trust me.”
“I do trust you,” he said.
“All I ask is that you show it for once.”
Gawyn gritted his teeth. Then he bowed to her and left the study, trying—and failing—to keep the door from shutting too hard when he pulled it closed. Silviana gave him a disapproving look as he passed her.
From there, he headed for the training grounds despite his discomfort with them. He needed a workout with the sword.
Egwene let out a long sigh, sitting back, closing her eyes. Why was it so hard to keep her feelings in check when dealing with Gawyn? She never felt as poor an Aes Sedai as she did when speaking with him.
So many emotions swirled within her, like different kinds of wine spilling and mixing together: rage at his stubbornness, burning desire for his arms, confusion at her own inability to place one o