“You got laid last night?” Adam’s dark eyebrows shot up toward his hairline.
“Yeah, by an elegant, classy, redheaded babe,” Owen said.
“Were you there?” Adam asked.
Owen shook his head. “I Googled her.”
Kellen sighed in exasperation. “I’ve told you a million times that my funk, as you call it, has little to do with sex.”
“Then you must be doing it wrong,” Gabe said and ran a hand along the row of red-tipped hair spiked down the middle of his head.
“Probably,” Kellen said.
“If you need some inspiration, I could hook you up with some gadgets I… uh… bought,” Gabe said.
“He doesn’t need any gadgets.” Owen said. “He’s not seeing her again.”
If Kellen hadn’t been used to Owen spewing everyone’s business all the time, he probably would have hit him. He was in that bad a mood.
“Nothing wrong with getting your rocks off and splitting as soon as you can get away,” Adam said. “Before Madison, that was the only way I rolled.”
Kellen didn’t bother telling them that it wasn’t like that. He hadn’t actually wanted to leave Dawn. He’d felt that he’d had to, but his friends would probably take his denial as admittance. He’d rather not talk about last night or this morning and just forget about the whole thing. As if that were possible.
But he could pretend things were the same as they’d been for the past five years. They’d just think he was being moody.
At the stadium, several security guards escorted them inside. The backstage area was packed. The band was supposed to be entertaining a large group of VIPs. Luckily, most of them wanted to hang around with their lead singer, Jacob, who had no problem keeping two dozen women enthralled. The dudes in the crowd immediately surrounded either Adam—their guitar hero—or Gabe—the man behind the skins. Kellen was grateful that he went relatively unnoticed as he snuck past the crowd on his way to the dressing room. He had his eyes trained on the sign that said “Band members only. No guests.”
“Kellen!” someone yelled from the crowd behind him.
He froze. He knew that voice.
“Wait!”
Some kind of bizarre reverse psychology had him jogging toward the dressing room. Just before he stepped over the threshold into the safe zone, a hand caught his arm.
He took a deep breath and turned slowly to face her. Best get this over with.
He searched Dawn’s face for clues. What was she doing here? He backed into the dressing room. And guest or not, she followed him inside and closed the door behind her.
Dawn pressed a crumpled wad of paper into Kellen’s chest. Her eyes were alight with passion and fire.
She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“A Dear Dawn letter?” she spat at him. “We share the most amazing night of my life, and you leave me with nothing but a Dear Dawn letter?”
He was at a loss. Didn’t she understand that leaving that way had been the kindest thing he could have done for her?
“Take it back,” she demanded, shoving the paper harder into his chest. “Take it back, Kellen!”
He took the wad of paper from her hand, basking in the heat of her fury, blooming in her light. She was his fire. His Dawn.
“Did last night mean nothing to you?”
“It meant everything to me,” he said. And now that she was here, in all her radiant glory, he couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t deny her. He couldn’t deny himself.
“Then why did you leave? Why, Kellen?” Her voice cracked, and she might as well have taken a hammer and chisel to his heart.
“Because,” he said breathlessly. “Because I’ll never have enough to give. I’ll never be enough. You deserve more than me, Dawn. Better than me. You deserve someone who can love you with everything he is, was, or will become. And I… I already gave that to someone else.”
“You don’t get to decide that, Kellen Jamison,” she said, her eyes narrowed dangerously.
He fought the urge to drag her into his arms and kiss her silent.
“Who I deserve is up to me, not you. I say you’re enough for me—you’re more than enough—so you are. If you don’t feel anything for me, that’s different; I’ll let you go if you want to go. But if you do feel something and the only reason you left is for my sake, I won’t stand for it. Do you understand? Walking away from me does not save me heartache, Kellen. It causes it.”
He looked away, wanting to believe they could be together or at least give it a Herculean effort, but he knew in his heart that he couldn’t make her happy. And more than anything, he wanted her to be happy. He never wanted to dampen her light or extinguish her fire. He couldn’t stomach the thought of doing that to her.
Her fingertips pressed over his pounding heart, and he wanted to push her hand away, wanted to turn his back on her, wanted to flee, but his f**king legs had forgotten how to move.
“Look me in the eye, Kellen, and tell me you don’t want to be with me, and I’ll leave.”
He forced himself to meet her phenomenal hazel eyes and opened his mouth to tell her to get lost for her own damned good, but his tongue was in total disagreement with his common sense.
“Nothing would make me happier than to be with you, Dawn O’Reilly.”
Her eyes lit up with hope. “Nothing?”
It was a loaded question, and he took a moment to contemplate it. Was there anything or anyone—living or dead—that made him happier than he was in this woman’s arms? The answer was surprisingly easy. He didn’t have to compare his time with Dawn to anything in his past, he just had to let himself enjoy her in the here and now. That was what was important. There was nothing wrong with loving Sara forever as long as he made a little room for someone new in his heart. With time, that little room might accommodate more, until he could let Dawn be his everything. But for now, at least they had someplace to start. Kellen’s emotional doom clouds scattered before Dawn’s radiance, his defenses crumbled, and he smiled at her. Really smiled. So wide it made his face hurt.
“Nothing,” he said in all sincerity.
“Good,” she said, “because I’m not above tying you to my bed until you come to your senses, Kellen Jamison.”
Lord, how he admired the fire in her.
He laughed, and it didn’t feel forced. It felt good.
“I could teach you a thing or two about tying a person to your bed,” he teased.