I don’t know what he’s talking about. The only thing I do know is that he’s dead serious. My mind races for something to hold onto. Something to buy myself some time. Because I may be sick—they probably did fuck my head up in ways that will require years of therapy—but I didn’t come all this way, or go through all that shit, in order to give up now. So I need something. Something that will draw him out of this sudden monologue that reeks of disclosure and put us back on track. “Christmas,” I murmur, almost to myself. It’s the only thing I can think of.
“What?”
“Christmas,” I repeat. “I do want to go home, Ark. I do want to get past all this. But please. I love you.” I climb into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. “No matter what, I do love you. I can’t just walk out. And if you love me back, neither can you. We owe each other that much. Maybe JD is gone. I don’t know, he’s your best friend. I don’t have his secrets, only the one we made together. You have his secrets. But just because he’s gone doesn’t mean there is no us.”
“What’s that got to do with Christmas?”
“Let’s just stay this way until Christmas. Can’t we share one more big moment? Can’t we just give this a try? And he’s gonna come back—”
“No,” Arks says, pushing me off his lap. “No. He can’t come back. He knows he can’t come back.” Ark walks to the other side of the room, stops when he reaches the wall, and then turns on his heel and paces back. “I told him I’d kill him and I’m dead serious. I told him that and he knows I’d never say it if it wasn’t over.”
“If what wasn’t over?” I do not understand.
“My protection.” Ark lets out a long breath and closes his eyes. “I protected him, Blue. I didn’t understand the extent of his issues at first.” Ark sits back down with me. “It took a long time of watching JD’s behavior before I figured out what the problem was.”
“What’s the problem?” My heart is racing. I want to know so bad. I don’t want to know so bad.
“JD’s violent. He’s been violent with them before, but I’ve been there to calm him down. I’ve been there—”
My mind races to the beat of my heart. Words start coming back to me. Conversations I overheard in the beginning.
You’re scaring her, JD.
Take it easy, JD.
“—when he’s taken it too far. Or he’s called me afterward and I got her help.”
“Who?”
“Whoever, Blue. Whoever. But he was so good with you. He was so… normal.”
“He never beat me, Ark. It wasn’t like that.”
“He did beat you. He just did it from the inside out.”
And then Ark gets up and walks out of the room.
I’m not sure how much time passes as I listen to Ark on the other side of the loft. But I know he’s packing a bag for JD. He talks to that Ray person they do business with. He talks to JD at one point, and even though I only hear Ark’s side of the conversation, and that side is calmer than I expected, I know JD’s end is not.
I know the other end is rage.
Ark walks back into the bedroom. I’m lying down, under the covers, still naked and ashamed. “We’re leaving,” he says.
“What?” I sit up in bed as he starts pulling clothes out of the drawers. He throws me a hoodie and a pair of jeans.
“Get dressed. We’re leaving in five minutes. I know where JD is, so it’s gonna take him twenty minutes to get here. So five minutes.” Ark walks out with a gym bag filled with clothes.
I get up and put on the clothes, then find my winter boots and slip those on too. Ark comes back with my fancy winter coat. “Put it on, Blue. And I don’t want any bullshit about leaving this loft, you hear me?”
I nod as he holds the coat open for me and I slide my arms into the smooth satin lining the sleeves. He waits as I button it up and cinch the belt at my waist. “Where are we going?” I ask as he takes my hand and tugs me down the hallway.
My heart is pounding as I’m led through the front door and we wait for the elevator. “Where are we going?” I ask again.
“A friend’s place. But she’s at work, so we need to stop there first.”
When we get to the garage, he stops and looks both ways, like someone might be following us. When he decides it’s clear, we run towards a Jeep. He opens the passenger door and I climb in. Then he closes it up and walks around the front of the vehicle, his eyes darting around, looking everywhere he can in those few moments.
It’s only when he gets in and throws something in the center console that I realize he’s got a gun. “What’s that for?”
He ignores me, just starts the Jeep and throws it in reverse, the tires screeching on the parking garage floor. We zoom around and hit the street. He stops before pulling out, looking left and right for what seems longer than necessary with the light traffic. Then he pulls out onto the street.
I have not been in a car since I was taken to the party the night before I escaped, and the motion makes me a little dizzy, especially since Ark is weaving in and out of traffic.
We drive for about fifteen minutes, and then stop at a Radio Shack. He grabs the gun and jumps out, leaving the Jeep running. “If anyone approaches you, honk the horn.”
And then the door closes and he takes off inside.