He even yelled at me once, for sleeping with Denny after our long passionate afternoon of being together. He'd felt betrayed by that, and he confessed how much that'd hurt, how much that had to do with his decision to leave that fateful night. He'd hidden a lot of how much it had bothered him when I was with Denny, and it had really affected him, after I slept with Denny right after our seemingly perfect day together. He was quite vocal in proclaiming his pain. But then, almost instantly, he felt bad for yelling and sunk his head in his hands. He resisted at first, but eventually he let me put my arms around him, muttering repeated apologies in his ear, while he loosed a few tears.
We'd both wounded each other so deeply. But we made a point of never letting one of us sulk in pain or anger, to talk things out, even if that meant having a two hour powwow in the parking lot at Pete's one night, after I may have tearfully, and quite inadvertently, brought up his threesome, which he countered with watching me flee the club with Denny, knowing exactly where our night was headed, and who was really in my mind. But we did eventually work it out, and continued to work it out.
It took some time, but we eventually found a balance between friendship, love and fire. He hugged me whenever he walked into Pete's and kissed me thoroughly after every show, which embarrassed and delighted me. He stayed close without smothering, and he gave me space without distancing.
Jenny told me repeatedly that we were good together, and she'd never seen Kellan with anyone the way he was with me. I took that to heart, since she'd known him for awhile, bad behavior and all. She was still constantly surprised that he was capable of being a one-woman man. She also stepped up her flirtations with Evan, and I was mildly surprised when I caught them full on making out in the backroom one night. Evan blushed as deeply as I had when he'd caught me, Jenny however, laughed just like Kellan had laughed. Embarrassed, but smiling widely at their budding relationship, I quickly shut the door and ran to go tell Kellan the scoop. He shook his head and laughing, told me that Matt was still having a quiet relationship with Rachel. It would seem the D-Bags were starting to settle down.
As Kellan gave me a sweet kiss, my sister, watching us at the corner of the guys table, said she was jealous of our closeness, while giving an oblivious Griffin a pointed glance that he completely ignored. I couldn't help but wonder if my sister would eventually tame that D-Bag...maybe they'd tame each other. As Griffin had his hands on some other girl's ass the next night, and my sister brought home (I swear) a Calvin Klein model, I thought, maybe not.
I didn't care, I had my man and he had me. It took an additional three months, but eventually, he did have all of me. Our first time being together as a legitimate boyfriend and girlfriend was coincidently a year to the day that I had seen Kellan singing at Pete's for the first time. We took our time, savoring every moment and every sensation.
He sang my song softly to me as he undressed us, his voice low and husky, and full of emotion. I fought back tears the entire time. When the part where the long instrumental section came up, and his administrations to my body got more...intense, the rest of the song was quickly forgotten, and it became very clear that six months of separation and restraint did nothing to squelch our fire. If anything, the wait had made it better...it meant more. It meant everything.
Our reconnection was intense and deeply emotional, like much of our relationship had been. He muttered things to me while we made love - how beautiful he thought I was, how much he'd missed me, how much he needed me, how empty he'd been, how much he loved me. I couldn't even speak to tell him I felt the exact same, I was too overcome by the emotion in his voice. Then he said something that tore me.
"Don't leave...I don't want to be alone." He had actual tears in his eyes as he looked down on me. "I don't want to be alone anymore." Even through the intensity of everything else I was feeling, I could sense the waves of loneliness coming off of him.
I grabbed his face, our movements never stopping. "I'm not. I won't...ever..." I kissed him fiercely to reassure him, and he twisted us so that we were still facing each other but lying sideways on the bed - still connected, still moving together, still making love to each other.
His eyes watered to near overflowing and he closed them, his hand moving from our hips to trail up the side of my body, pulling me even closer to him, like he couldn't get near enough. "I don't want to be without you," he whispered.
"I'm right here, Kellan." I grabbed his hand and put it over my racing heart. "I'm with you...I'm right here." My eyes watered now too, and I closed them as emotion flooded me.