“You know, I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll see you in the morning and maybe we can figure out what Greg is doing. And we need to call a press conference or something because I’m sick of Greg telling lies about me. I promise I’ll clear everything up, then you won’t have to see me anymore.”
So he could move on with his life. And she could try to find a new one.
Kinley turned away, but he was suddenly beside her, gripping her wrist. “Don’t go. I’ll stop being an asshole. Sit down and let me make you something to eat. Please. It’s the least I can do.”
For a moment, she considered stomping out of the room for effect, but she didn’t really like fighting. Ducking out might only confirm her guilt in his head. Not that he had much doubt, but why make it easier for him to cast her as the villainess? Besides, she really was hungry.
“All right.”
“We’ve talked about the press conference, Dominic, Law, and I. It’s not a good idea. Right now, Jansen doesn’t know if you’re cooperating with us, so he’s in a holding pattern. If he realizes that you’re helping our case, he might destroy all the evidence or simply disappear. I don’t think we’d ever convict him then. That would leave him roaming free…and he might come back for you. You don’t want to be one of Jansen’s loose ends.”
Riley had some good points.
He towered over her, his eyes soft for once. “My brother is crazy about you. I…it would be better if we could be friends.”
Friends. Law wanted more. Dominic wanted more. And Riley just didn’t. That deep connection she wanted so desperately was a puzzle, and she only had two of the pieces.
“Sure,” she said, hoping he couldn’t hear the defeat in her tone. “Do we have any tea?”
He nodded and gestured to the cabinet over the sink. “All kinds. The James family keeps this place stocked. And the kettle is already on the burner.”
He released her wrist. The momentary sense of intimacy between them ended when he broke physical connection. Now, Riley was so far from her in all the ways that counted. “Thanks.”
As she went to study the collection of tea, he resumed fixing the sandwich. “I’m sorry. I really don’t mean to hurt you. We’ve just tried this before and it didn’t work.”
She filled the kettle and set it on the burner, flicking the gas on. “Tried what?”
“The whole ‘We-all-love-you-so-let’s-get-married’ thing.”
They’d been engaged before? She staggered back. She knew she didn’t have a right, but jealousy stabbed its way through her system.
Kinley tried to keep her tone casual. “Really? Why didn’t it work?”
“She didn’t want to marry me, not legally. She wanted Dominic’s rock on her hand while she kept me and Law on the side. She had no intention of acknowledging the two of us in public.”
That had to have hurt his pride. “She wanted to have her cake and eat it, too.”
He shrugged. “She wanted a normal social life, I guess.”
There was so much more to that small statement than his manner suggested. Kinley picked out a packet of chamomile tea and set up two mugs. She’d bet Riley needed some sleep, too. “Maybe, but having it at the expense of you and Law wasn’t right. Besides, what’s normal?”
He huffed incredulously. “You know what I’m talking about. Normal. One man. One woman. A couple of kids and a white picket fence.”
She rolled her eyes. “I think that’s overrated. I’ve known gay couples who stayed in love so much longer than straight ones. And all the ‘normal’ couples I used to admire are cheating or splitting up. I assumed I would have a normal marriage with Greg. He’s one man and I’m one woman, right? Well, he turned out to be a criminal jerk who’s screwing my sister and plotting to kill me. The two guys I have are wonderful. Our relationship might not be traditional, but they make me feel special.”
“When you’re done thinking about yourself, cupcake, consider Dominic and Law. If you stay with them, everyone will assume they’re gay.” His stare met hers, a challenge rife there.
Where was he going with this? “And we’ll know they’re straight.”
“Huh. Well, okay. I guess it’s not that bad, being considered gay and all.” He focused on the sandwich again.
Something had rubbed him raw. Kinley knew she should probably let it go, but his words niggled at her, telling her that understanding Riley was too important to give up. Even if he never joined their relationship, he was an integral part of Law and Dominic. They had to get along.
“So…your fiancée was worried that it would seem like she was sleeping with gay guys?”
Riley let out a low chuckle, but it held no humor. “Not exactly. She was more concerned about what people would imagine went on if they knew she was sleeping with brothers.”
It took Kinley a moment to process what Riley was saying. Once she did, her jaw dropped with shock at what this mystery woman had insinuated. “That’s ridiculous! You and Law would never… She’s a bitch.”
Kinley never used that kind of language, but it seemed terribly appropriate now. How dare she?
Riley stared at her for a moment, his face impassive. “I share women with my brother. It’s not the average, so a lot of people let their imaginations go wild. If I was also involved with you, we’d all get tainted by the whispers. How are you going to get people to donate to your charity when everyone calls you and the men you consort with perverts?”
“First off, not everyone would. A lot of people wouldn’t think that at all or care about my personal life. The ones who want to presume that sort of crap behind my back, I don’t care about.” At least she didn’t anymore. She’d wasted too much time trying to please other people.
“You say that now, but once we get back to the real world, you’ll change your story.”
“Riley, I’ve lived my whole life being worried about what people will think of me. I grew up in high society where a woman’s reputation is everything. My sister has a sterling reputation. She’s considered one of the finest women in the city. She’s a selfish liar who cheats on her husband and thinks her babies are just a way to control him. She’s planning on letting someone snuff out her only sister, and her parting shot to me was ‘ta-ta.’ She lives that so-called ‘normal’ life brilliantly, but I think she must be one of the most miserable human beings on this planet to behave the way she does. If that’s normal, it’s pretty crappy. And I want no part of that.”
Riley shook his head. “You say that now, but wait until you don’t have your stellar reputation anymore. You don’t know what it’s like to have the whole world look down on you.”
He was completely missing the point of life. “Do you know what it’s like to have one person lift you up? Because I might not have had the world look down on me, but I haven’t had anyone really love me either. I think I would risk almost anything to have that in my life.”
“You’re awfully naïve.”
“I’ve been told that before, but I think you’re awfully cynical.”
“That happens fast when you’re the kid of the town whore.”
“Don’t you call her that.” No matter who he was, Kinley wasn’t about to let someone talk about Law’s mother that way. When he’d talked to her as California Mike, Law had been completely open about his mother. Though she’d been flawed and damaged, he’d loved her.
Riley shrugged. “It’s what she did.”
“But it didn’t define who she was,” Kinley argued.
“I’m just being realistic, the same way Simone was. She wanted Dominic’s connections to climb the social ladder, using my back and Law’s as the rungs. Keeping him separate from us in public was the only way she could hope to achieve that because a woman who slept with two brothers and their friend…who knew what went on there? Speculation would always run rampant, and she’d always be a whore.”
“You were in love with her.” Nothing else explained his bitterness.
Riley hesitated, then shook his head. “I was in love with the idea of her. I was in love with the idea of having the relationship I wanted. Simone showed me the truth.”
“No, Simone showed you what a horrible person she was.”
“She wanted what all women want.”
“What do you think that is? In my book, it’s love and companionship. To be desired and needed.”
He snorted. “Try money, respect, and a place in society.”
“Wow. She did a number on you. I’m surprised. I wouldn’t have expected you to just lie down like that and take it. You either loved her with every ounce of your soul or you’re not the person I thought you were.”
He frowned her way. “I didn’t love her.”
If that was true, he sure seemed willing to give up an awful lot for a woman who didn’t have his heart. “But are you going to let her dictate the rest of your life?”
His cynical smile was back. “Oh, please. Are you going to try to tell me that you’re not going to let what Greg Jansen did affect you? You already have. You just tossed out twenty-five years of saving yourself for marriage to give Greg a big old ‘fuck you.’ So I wouldn’t say too much about not bowing to bitterness if I were you.”
“You think I slept with Dominic and Law because I wanted to get back at Greg?”
“Of course. Greg was going to be your husband, and you saved yourself for him. Spreading your legs for my brother and Dominic probably made you feel powerful. Was revenge sweet?”
It had been, but not for the reasons he thought. “I didn’t save myself. I just never cared enough about anyone to sleep with them.”
“And yet you came to care for my brothers in the couple of days since we drugged and kidnapped you, then ripped your world apart? Yeah, I believe that.”
But she had. And she was starting to think that maybe her love and future were worth fighting for.
“I don’t care what you believe, Riley. I know who I am. I know what I’ve done and what I feel. I’ve absolutely come to care a great deal about your brother and Dominic. Sleeping with them had nothing to do with revenge and everything to do with moving on with life. You can’t understand that because you’re clinging to the past. Some woman hurt you, and now you won’t let it go, so you’ll take it out on me. Fine, but stop and think about the fact that I’m not you. Greg hurt me. Becks hurt me. My dad hurt me. Guess what? I won’t let them ruin my life. I won’t allow them to change me. I might be naïve and stupid, but I will keep trying to find love. I don’t care how it comes to me. If it comes from one or two or three men, I’ll take it. I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks because no one there cared that my fiancé was going to kill me. You, Dominic, and Law cared. That’s all that matters to me.”
“We didn’t care because of you.” The words came out on a harsh rasp.
That hurt, but then he seemed determined to make her see his twisted truth. “They do now. I can’t change how you feel.”
And Riley didn’t get to choose her reality either. From now on, no one ever got to decide who Kinley Kohl was or what she would do. No one got to change that deeply held part of herself that kept trying to fill her heart, despite all the evidence that it wouldn’t work. She refused to believe that she would end up alone.
“Have you thought about the fact that we’re just isolated here in Alaska and they’re horny? Or that they feel sorry for you?”
Hurt flared again. It was time to leave. If Riley wanted to be mean, she needed to stay away from him. That woman had damaged him, and he didn’t even want to recover.
But the question haunted her. Did Law feel sorry for her? When she thought about it…no. She’d felt his caring. It might not be love, but Law felt something for her. It wasn’t strictly pity or desire. And Dominic Anthony would never sleep with someone because he felt sorry for her.
Riley was glaring down at her, challenging. Some beast trapped under his skin wanted her to fight with him. He just kept poking at her, then pulling her back when she tried to walk away. He behaved like a kid who didn’t know how to emerge from the dark corner he’d put himself in.
Anger fled in a rush of sympathy. Riley had loved and lost, and he didn’t know how to find his way back. It was sad, and railing at him wouldn’t help.
His deep disconnect would likely cost her everything, but again, she wouldn’t allow that to change who she’d become or what she believed.
Kinley didn’t hesitate. She simply stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek on his chest. “I’m so sorry.”