"I have refused the opportunity. I love this place too well to depart."
"You HAVE?" she said, regarding him with wild uncertainty.
"Why do you ruin yourself in that way? Great Heaven, what have I done!"
"Nothing. Besides, you are going away."
"Oh yes; but only to Middleton Abbey for a month or two. Yet perhaps I
shall gain strength there--particularly strength of mind--I require it.
And when I come back I shall be a new woman; and you can come and see
me safely then, and bring your wife with you, and we'll be friends--she
and I. Oh, how this shutting up of one's self does lead to indulgence
in idle sentiments. I shall not wish you to give your attendance to me
after to-day. But I am glad that you are not going away--if your
remaining does not injure your prospects at all."
As soon as he had left the room the mild friendliness she had preserved
in her tone at parting, the playful sadness with which she had
conversed with him, equally departed from her. She became as heavy as
lead--just as she had been before he arrived. Her whole being seemed
to dissolve in a sad powerlessness to do anything, and the sense of it
made her lips tremulous and her closed eyes wet. His footsteps again
startled her, and she turned round.
"I returned for a moment to tell you that the evening is going to be
fine. The sun is shining; so do open your curtains and put out those
lights. Shall I do it for you?"
"Please--if you don't mind."
He drew back the window-curtains, whereupon the red glow of the lamp
and the two candle-flames became almost invisible with the flood of
late autumn sunlight that poured in. "Shall I come round to you?" he
asked, her back being towards him.
"No," she replied.
"Why not?"
"Because I am crying, and I don't want to see you."
He stood a moment irresolute, and regretted that he had killed the
rosy, passionate lamplight by opening the curtains and letting in
garish day.
"Then I am going," he said.
"Very well," she answered, stretching one hand round to him, and
patting her eyes with a handkerchief held in the other.
"Shall I write a line to you at--"
"No, no." A gentle reasonableness came into her tone as she added, "It
must not be, you know. It won't do."
"Very well. Good-by." The next moment he was gone.