"I don,t know. Nobody knows. Look, don,t underestimate the web they can weave to snare you with their tests. If your DNA is in the system, Reuben, and they make a match - !"
"It,s not in the system. Mom said something went wrong with their sample. Besides, I,m not ... I wasn,t a criminal. I,m not in the criminal system."
"Oh, and they play by the rules? They have a sample from Marchent Nideck,s autopsy, don,t they?" Jim was becoming more and more agitated.
"Yes, they probably do have that," said Reuben.
"And Mom said they,ve been calling, asking if they can get more of your DNA. Mom,s been telling them no. Apparently, this Paris doctor advised Mom not to agree to any more tests."
"Please, Jim, try to keep calm. I can,t follow you on this. You should have been a doctor like Mom."
Silence.
"Jim, I,ve got to go."
"Reuben, hang on! Go where?"
"There are things I have to find out, and first and foremost it,s how to control the change, how to stop it, how to shut it down cold."
"So this has got nothing to do with the moon."
"It,s not magical, Jim. No, it,s got no connection to the moon. That,s fantasy. It,s like a virus. It,s working from within. At least, that,s how it seems. There has been a change in the way I view the world, a change in the moral temperature of things. I don,t know what to make of all that yet. But it,s not magic, no."
"If it,s not supernatural, if it,s simply a virus, then why are you killing only bad people?"
"I told you. It,s a matter of scent and hearing." A chill came over Reuben. What did this mean?
"Since when does evil have a scent?" Jim asked.
"I don,t know that either," said Reuben. "But we don,t know why dogs smell fear, do we?"
"Dogs pick up on tiny physical signals. They can smell sweat, maybe even hormones like adrenaline. You,re going to tell me evil has some sort of hormonal dimension?"
"It could have," Reuben said. "Aggression, hostility, rage - maybe they all have scents, scents that human beings can,t ordinarily measure. We don,t know, do we?"
Jim didn,t answer.
"What, you want it to be supernatural?" Reuben asked. "You want it to be diabolical?"
"When have I ever talked to you about anything being diabolical?" said Jim. "Besides - you,re rescuing innocent victims. Since when does the devil care about innocent victims?"
Reuben sighed. He couldn,t put all his thoughts into words. He couldn,t begin to explain how his thinking had changed, even when he wasn,t under the power of the transformation. He wasn,t sure he wanted to tell Jim everything.
"I know this much," he said. "As long as I change like this unpredictably and with no control, I,m completely vulnerable. And I,m the only one who can work this out, and you,re damn right, they have my DNA from Marchent, if from no other source. It,s right under their noses, and so am I, and I have to get going."
"Where are you going?"
"Up to Nideck Point. Now listen to me, Father Jim. Come up there anytime that you can. And you can talk to me about this, in private, if you feel the need. I give you permission. But never to anyone else, or in front of anyone else."
"Thank you." Jim was obviously relieved. "Reuben, I want permission to read on this, to do research."
Reuben understood. A priest couldn,t really act on a confession any more than he could talk about it or bring it up to the man who had confessed. Reuben said yes.
"I went by the house earlier today, got some books I,d ordered," Reuben explained. "Just legend, fiction, poetry, that kind of thing. But there have been incidents in America, you know, sightings - ."
"Mom,s been talking about those things," said Jim. "So has this Dr. Jaska. Something about the Beast of Bray Road."
"That,s nothing," said Reuben. "Just a sighting in Wisconsin of a strange creature, a Bigfoot, maybe, something like that. Not much to go on. But I am searching myself for anything and everything that can shed light on this, and there is a bizarre coincidence having to do with the name Nideck, and I,m trying to figure it out. I just don,t have anything yet. And yes, yes, you can do research, of course."
"Thank you," said Jim. "Now I want you to stay in touch with me, Reuben."
"Yes, Jim, I will."
Reuben reached for the curtain.
"Wait," Jim said. "Wait. Please, say whatever Act of Contrition you can. Say it from your heart." Jim,s voice was breaking. "And let me give you Absolution."
It hurt Reuben,s heart, the sound of Jim,s voice.
Reuben bowed his head and whispered: "God forgive me. God forgive me for my murderous heart, my heart that glories in this, my heart that doesn,t want to give it up, that will not give it up, that wants somehow to possess it yet to be good." He sighed. He quoted St. Augustine: " ,God make me chaste; just not today., "
Jim was deep into the recitation of the Absolution and perhaps some other prayer, Reuben didn,t know.
"May God protect you."
"And why would He do that?" Reuben asked.
Jim,s voice came back with childlike sincerity:
"Because He made you. Whatever you are, He made you. And He knows why and for what purpose."
Chapter Fourteen
REUBEN WENT over the roofs back to the motel, and locked himself in. All night long he tried to bring about an end to the transformation. He couldn,t use his computer, not with these enormous claws. He couldn,t read the new books he,d ordered. They irritated him. What had legendary werewolves to do with him?
He didn,t dare attempt to drive. He,d had a good taste of how difficult that was when he,d followed the kidnappers. He couldn,t risk being seen or apprehended in his own car, even if he could endure the difficulties.
He didn,t dare go out either.
No matter how he wished for it, he couldn,t work the change. At least not right away.
All around him in the night he could hear the voices. He,d been hearing them all the time he was with Jim.
He didn,t dare to focus on any one thread of sound now. If one voice snared him, he,d be going out to answer it.
It made him miserable to think that he could have been saving someone from suffering, even death. He crouched down in the corner, and tried to sleep, but that too was impossible.
At last around 3:00 a.m., much earlier than ever before, he did change.
It came on as always with a riot of orgasmic sensation, weakening him into a delirium as he went from beast to man. He watched it in the mirror. He snapped pictures on his iPhone. At last he stood staring at the old Reuben Golding he thought he knew so well, and neither had a word for the other that mattered. His hands looked delicate to him, and he wondered that he didn,t feel a vulnerability as a human, but he didn,t feel that vulnerability. He felt uncommonly strong, uncommonly able to resist whatever might threaten him in this form or the other form.