While everyone stood there waiting to see what his next move would be, Evan ignored them and he went over to the bar to mix another pitcher of martinis. “Who wants to join me? A guy only turns thirty once in a lifetime, after all.” It hadn’t occurred to him yet that this was the first time Kenny had seen him drink since he’d been discharged from Havilland. With that small amount of alcohol all the promises he’d made vanished.
That’s when Kenny grabbed his arm and said, “Dad, I want to talk to you in private. Let’s go into the kitchen.” He spoke softly, through his teeth, trying to maintain his dignity so his friends wouldn’t notice anything was wrong.
Evan noticed that handsome young Grayson had already found the free food. Candy just stood there with a smile, as if she didn’t know where to go. Evan hugged Kenny again and said, “I just want to tell you how much I love you. You’re the best son anyone could ever have. Sometimes I don’t think I say it often enough. And I want you to know how I feel.”
In a lame attempt to repair the awkwardness that filled the room, Michele jumped into the conversation and said, “I have tons of food in the kitchen. Help me bring it out, Evan. I’m sure Kenny and his friends are hungry.”
Evan reached for the pitcher and then a bottle of vodka. “I’ll be right there, sweetie. I want to make another pitcher of martinis.” She could be pushy that way, Michele. He wasn’t in the mood for it.
Cadin glared at him and said, “Knock it off, Evan.”
When Evan heard the serious tone in Cadin’s voice, he returned the glare and said, “Don’t you tell me what to do. How dare you? This is my party and I’ll do whatever the hell I want to do.” He wasn’t going to allow Cadin or anyone else to embarrass him in front of Kenny and his friends. Although he would one day look back on this night with utter shame, at the time he felt completely in control and he didn’t like the way his good friends were treating him in front of virtual strangers.
Candy stepped back and looked down at her shoes.
Grayson popped a caviar canapé into his mouth and reached for another.
Michele said, “Let’s get the food, Evan. You need to eat something.” It sounded more like a demand than a polite request. Now she was speaking through her teeth.
Evan poured the vodka right into his martini glass without bothering to mix it with anything. He took a gulp and pointed at Michele. “I’m getting a little fed up with you giving me orders, Michele. If you want the goddam food go get it yourself. I’m not hungry.” Then he slammed the glass on the bar so hard the stem shattered.
Everyone went silent; they stood there staring at him as if they were terrified of his next move. Poor Candy moved closer to the wall and folded her arms. Even Grayson stopped eating caviar. He swallowed and put his hands in his pockets.
When Evan realized what he’d done, he pressed his palms to his face and said, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Michele. I’ll clean it up.” He turned to Candy and laughed. “I guess I don’t know my own strength.”
“Never mind,” Michele said. “I’ll take care of it. I guess I shouldn’t have put out the Baccarat martini glasses.” She rolled her eyes in Cadin’s direction, which really made Evan’s face feel hot.
“I said I was fucking sorry,” Evan said. This need to impress and to brag about her crystal and other pretentious treasures had always irritated Evan. So in order to get even with her, he turned to Grayson and Candy and said, “It’s probably not Baccarat anyway. I’ll bet it’s some cheap shit she bought at the dollar store like everything else in this fucking dump.” He knew this would bother her because nothing in that apartment was junk.
But after he said this, he regretted it. They all sent him such a collective glance of unmistakable pity he felt like picking up the shards of broken crystal and grinding them into his palms. He walked over to Michele and put his arm around her. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean that. I’ll buy you a whole new set.” He looked up and told everyone else, “She really does have Baccarat.”
Before Michele could reply, Kenny took Evan by the arm and said, “I think it’s time I took you home, Dad.”
“But the party is just beginning,” Evan said. He jerked away from his son and walked over to Grayson. He put his arm around Grayson’s waist and said, “I think we all need another drink. And this big strong guy hasn’t had anything to eat yet.”
Grayson shrugged. He put his arm around Evan and pulled him closer. “I’ll have a beer, man.”
Evan laughed and rested his head on Grayson’s chest. He liked men who drank beer. Although he wouldn’t have done anything with his son’s friend, he had to admit that receiving that kind of attention on his thirtieth birthday from a younger man was flattering.
But Cadin didn’t seem to find this flattering or amusing. He glared at Evan again and said, “I think you should let Kenny take you home. There’s not going to be a party, Evan.”
Evan clenched his fists. “Don’t you ever tell me what to do, Cadin. When we met you were nothing but a goddamn construction worker from Brooklyn, and don’t you forget that.”
“How could I forget it?” Cadin asked.
Evan didn’t understand.
Cadin walked over to Evan, reached for his hands, and said, “I’ve always been in awe of you. If I hadn’t met you I don’t even want to think about what my life would be like now. You’re everything I’ve always wanted to be. You’re talented, smart, and gorgeous. When you want to be, you’re a great father, husband, and writer. I’m your biggest fan. But I’m not going to stand around and watch you self-destruct again.” He squeezed his hands tighter. “Not this time.”
Then Kenny said, “I want to find out what it is about drinking you love so much, Dad. I’m serious. I’ve never fully understood it. All those nights I heard you stumble home drunk and I would stay in bed, thankful you’d come home safe. That’s right, I heard it all, Dad. I didn’t miss a single thing. But I never understood it, and I want to know what it’s like. I need to know.” He walked to the bar and reached for the bottle of vodka Evan had left open.
Evan felt a pain deep in his stomach. Evidently, they were going to dig up the past. “I didn’t know that. I thought you were sleeping.” He thought he’d hidden all this from his son, at least most of it. He’d worked so hard at it all those years. And all this time Kenny had been listening and watching every move he’d made, just as he’d done with his own alcoholic father. Evan wondered what his psychiatrist at Havilland would say now, because he had no idea how to deal with it.