“We can have a child together,” Cadin said. “At least we can have fun trying to make babies.” He moved closer and kissed him on the lips this time.
“You two are making me sick to my stomach,” Michele said. She’d finished arranging the flowers and she was now sitting on a club chair next to the sofa, checking her makeup.
Before Cadin could reply, there was a knock on the door and Evan turned to see who was there.
Cadin said, “I figured you’d need food in the house.” He glanced at Evan’s thin body and frowned. “And from the way it looks I was right. You need a good meal. I’ll fatten you up.” He tended to like his men with a little meat on their bones. Michele and Evan often called him a chubby chaser. He never seemed to mind, though. He was the first to admit he liked men who were at least twenty-five pounds overweight, especially from the waist down. In fact, he often went out searching for what he referred to as, “guys with childbearing hips.”
The young man carrying the box of groceries stepped into the apartment and set the box down on the dining table. He glanced at Evan as if he were the only one in the room and smiled. “Hey, baby,” he said. “I was told to charge this to Jeffery Charles’s account.”
Jeffery and Evan were still legally married in the state of New York and Jeffery still paid for most of Evan’s expenses. Even if they hadn’t been legally married in the state of New York, Jeffery would have insisted on paying for his expenses. It was one small part of their extremely complicated relationship that seemed to work. “That’s fine,” Evan said, and he thanked the guy.
The guy walked up to Evan, looked him up and down, and smiled again. “Anything for you.”
Evan felt a little shaky. The guy couldn’t have been older than twenty. He had short reddish brown hair, a strong stocky body, and a thick neck. He reminded Evan of a guy in college he’d known. The guy in college had been on the football team and they’d had a secret relationship for most of Evan’s sophomore year. That guy had been in the closet and engaged to a girl. Even had always been attracted to men like this, which was one of the reasons why he never had to wonder why he’d wound up at a place like Havilland so many times. But even worse, men like this always seemed to be attracted to Evan. He didn’t have to initiate anything. They always approached him first in very aggressive ways. It was as if they could smell his weakness and they would zoom in on him.
Cadin stepped in between Evan and the grocery guy and he handed the guy a five-dollar tip. “Thanks, buddy. We’ll take it from here. You can leave now.” He squared his shoulders and looked down at him to show him he was in charge.
Michele continued to work on her face. She rolled her eyes and said, “Here we go again, and he’s not even out on the streets for one full day.” She tended to get a little jealous when men came on to Evan this way. Not because she wanted anything sexual with Evan. She wanted men like the delivery guy to come on to her that way and they never did.
The young guy glanced over Cadin’s shoulder and smiled at Evan. He didn’t seem intimidated by Cadin at all. In fact, he ignored him completely. “You need anything else, baby, just call. I’ll be here fast.”
Evan smiled and said, “Thank you.” Then he crossed to the sofa and sat down to catch his breath. He felt overwhelmed and he wasn’t sure why. It was nice of Cadin to come to his rescue that way, but he could have handled it himself.
Michele must have noticed his distress, because she stopped working on her face and went over to sit next to him. She pulled a bottle of Ativan out of her purse and said, “Here, take one of these. It’ll calm you down.”
“No,” Evan said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll be okay. I just got a little overwhelmed, is all.”
Cadin closed the door and he went over to the sofa and stared down at Evan. “Sorry about that idiot, man. I don’t know what gets into some guys that make them act like assholes sometimes.”
Michele reached for his hand and said, “You can do it, Evan. You can control those urges. And I didn’t think that guy was all that cute.”
Evan knew what his friends were doing and he wanted to set them straight. He laughed and said, “It’s not like that, not at all. I went to Havilland mainly because of alcohol and because of what drinking was doing to me. The sex addiction is something different. It’s not like I see every man that walks down the street and I want to sleep with him, at least it’s not like that with me. The only time I’m out of control with men is when I’m drunk. And I don’t intend on getting drunk ever again.”
Cadin and Michele exchanged glances.
He laughed aloud. It was evident they didn’t understand. “I could have handled that guy alone without a problem. I probably wouldn’t have slept with him. I have to be drinking to be out of control that way with men. As long as I’m not drinking I’m okay. When I’m not drunk and I sleep with someone it’s a conscious choice I’m making like everyone else. It’s the alcohol that makes it dangerous because I just do it and don’t think first. It’s not really a choice.” He knew it was a complicated thing to explain to them and he knew he wasn’t doing it very well. The truth of the matter was that Evan might have been interested in the delivery guy if he’d been alone in the apartment. In that case, he would have made the choice one way or the other. He didn’t consider that addiction.
Cadin frowned and said, “Well, I still think the asshole was too aggressive, and I’m glad I set him straight.”
Evan knew his friends cared about him and he didn’t want to upset them. “Thanks for watching out for me.” He held Michele’s hand tighter and said, “I don’t know what I’d do without my friends. You are always there for me.”
Michele glanced at her watch and stood up. “Well, you’re going to find out soon because I have to leave for an appointment. I’m having Botox this afternoon and I want to get uptown early in case there’s traffic.”
Cadin blinked. “More Botox?”
Evan sent his friend a smile. She’d been getting Botox injections for the past year and there were days her face took on such a stark, expressionless look he couldn’t figure out what kind of mood she was in.
Michele grabbed her purse and said, “We’re not getting any younger. Don’t judge me.”
“Can you give me a ride uptown?” Cadin asked. “We’re working on a job on East 72nd Street and I left the truck up there. I won’t have to take the subway back up there if you take me.”