Chad’s face turned red. He climbed three more stairs and stopped at the landing. He sent Treston a backward glance, threw the felt sunflower music box against the wall, and said, “The one thing I don’t get is you seem to enjoy taking all kinds of shit from assholes like the creepy park ranger, yet the one man who says he loves you and doesn’t give a good fuck about your past is the one man you push away. I’ll be the first to admit I can be a fucking asshole. I know I’m not perfect, buddy. But neither are you. And it doesn’t stop me from loving you. I have never judged you once. And that’s a lot more than you can say about any of the other guys you’ve been with. But most of all, I’m still here. I didn’t take your money and leave you stranded and I didn’t run away on my wedding day like a coward.”

Treston ignored him. When he saw the felt sunflower hit the wall, the music box started to play and Treston ran up the steps. Everything that had happened that day seemed to hit him all at once. He went down to his knees on the other side of the landing and picked up the sunflower and held it to his heart. He felt a sting in his eyes, tears started streaming down his face, and he doubled over sobbing in a way that looked more like retching.

When Chad saw this, he unclenched his fists and ran over to him. He went down on the floor, put his arms around him, and held him so tightly he had to rest his cheek against Treston’s back to calm him down.

Through his sobs, Treston said, “I thought you’d broken it. It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever given me. How could you just throw it at the wall that way? How could you be so mean?”

Chad didn’t seem to get it. “It’s a cheap piece of shit from a hospital gift store.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a wonderful gift.” He couldn’t seem to stop crying no matter how hard he tried to steel himself.

Chad sounded confused. “Calm down, it’s okay. I didn’t think you’d care. I’ll buy you a hundred more if you want. Just please stop crying. It’s the one thing I can’t stand.”

“I can’t help it,” Treston said. “I’m trying to stop. And I don’t want a hundred more. I only want this one. I thought Cooper had finally been the one to take away all my sunshine. I thought he’d done me in once and for all. And then when I saw you standing in the hospital with this flower, I got my sunshine back. Very few people know this is my favorite song. I know it doesn’t make sense to someone like you, but it really is the most wonderful thing anyone’s ever given me. And you didn’t even know.”

“Well,” Chad said. “I guess I finally did something right. Let’s give mean old Chad a little credit for once.”

Treston sat up and wiped his eyes. “Did you really mean what you said? The part about my past?”

They leaned back against the bottom step together and Chad put his arm around him. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. That’s one of the good things about getting older. You mean what you say more often than not.”

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Treston sighed and exhaled. He turned the music off, but he wouldn’t pull the sunflower away from his chest. “You’re so bad for me. But I do love you. I fell in love with you the first night, but I didn’t want to admit it. And I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again.”

“Neither can I,” Chad said. “That’s why I don’t want to let you go that easily.” Then he stood up and reached down for Treston’s hand. “Let’s go upstairs. It’s been a long day for both of us. When I saw you knocked out in the van this afternoon, I thought you were dead for a moment. I’ve never felt anything so intense in my life. And when I realized you weren’t dead, all I wanted to do was pick you up and hold you.”

Treston stood up and said, “I thought you were really Jesus for a minute. I wasn’t sure what had happened and all I saw was your face surrounded by bright white rays.”

Chad put his arm around him and led him up the next flight of stairs. “I’m glad to hear it, because I need all the encouragement I can get. This part could either get me an Oscar or make me a laughingstock around the world. I’m not as young as I used to be. I’ve already read articles that say I’m too old to play Jesus. It’s like they are waiting for me to fail.”

“Bullshit,” Treston said. “You’ll be perfect. And you’re not too old for anything. I can’t imagine any other actor playing the part better than you.”

As Chad started talking about the difficulties he was having with the part, Treston held the sunflower closer to his heart and listened without speaking. When they reached the top step and Chad led him down the hall to the last door on the right, Treston had a feeling this time it would be different. He wasn’t sure why; he couldn’t have explained this feeling if anyone had asked. It was certainly nothing he’d expected. He’d never felt this way before with any of the other men he’d thought he’d loved, not even Cooper Booe. This time it felt real and nothing had to be forced. He didn’t have to pretend to be something he wasn’t with Chad; his past didn’t matter. And in the same respect, Chad didn’t have to pretend with him either.

When Chad opened the bedroom door and gave him a gentle push, Treston lifted his right hand, touched one small siiver streak on Chad’s beard, and smiled. And that was because whenever Treston had a man of his own, he felt special in a way that gave him both hope for the future and peace of mind about his sordid past.

THE END



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