“So grumpy Elliott. I wonder why,” she said glancing at Marisa.
“Go away Taylor,” I said.
I wanted to act as neutral as possible with her. Taylor was exactly the kind of girl that mistook negative attention for good.
“Well, after that little speech today, Marisa told me that she thought you might want someone to talk to.”
“Sure she did,” I said.
Taylor tried to sit next to me on the hood but I put my hand up.
“Don’t even think about it Taylor.”
She stopped and stood a few inches beside me legs. She rested her arm on the hood and let her hand inch closer to my knee.
“What are you doing Taylor?” I asked, jumping off the hood.
Jules came driving around and parked in the empty space beside me. She got out of her car and Taylor and Marisa stood firmly together.
“What’s going on?” Jules asked tucking her hands in the back of her jean’s pockets, probably trying to restrain herself.
“Nothing,” I said, glancing over my shoulder, “Taylor and Marisa were just leaving.”
“Yes,” said Taylor, “I just came over to offer Elliott some assistance.”
“Assistance?” Jules asked, her brows pinched.
“Yeah,” said Taylor. “After Elliott’s little speech to Jesse Thomas today at lunch I thought that since you weren’t doing him any favors that I might be able to help.”
“Favors?” Jules asked fully comprehending. “So, Elliott, you told Jesse Thomas that I don’t do you any favors?”
“He told the whole lunch room,” Taylor interrupted.
“Is that true Elliott?” Jules asked, pain flashing across her face.
“No,” I said, “not exactly”.
“Well if it’s not true, then how would Taylor get wind of something like that?”
I started to explain again but turned toward the harpies instead, “Do you mind? This is a private conversation.”
When I turned back around, Jules had already worked her way to her car and was in the driver’s seat. She slammed the door shut and started the engine. By the time I got to her she had started to drive off. I pounded my fist on the driver’s side window but she raised her hand and closed her eyes, when she opened them I saw the tears. I let her drive off and ran back to my truck.
“You’re a horrible person Taylor Williams,” I said before turning to Marisa, “and if you’re not careful Marisa you could become one too.”
As I drove off, Taylor’s expression was one of smugness but Marisa looked genuinely concerned. I hoped it helped her see Taylor’s deceitfulness and maybe change the direction her life was heading toward.
I went to Jules’ house first but she wasn’t there and no one answered the door. I stopped by my house and my mom said that Jules never came by. I peeked into Thatcher’s then Sadie’s windows but she was nowhere to be found. I was hoping that she wouldn’t have gone to the rock bridge but was pretty certain that was the first place I should have gone. It was a dangerous place to go by yourself.
I drove toward the creek and felt ill to my stomach. I trekked through the forest to our little secluded spot and saw her standing there on the edge of the bridge, her hands folded into herself, her hair flurried with the changing wind. She closed her eyes and breathed in the crisp air.
“Jules!” I yelled a few feet away.
She turned my way, her eyes were swollen from crying. I’d seen other girls cry before and the result was never something that attractive. Her salty tears had a youthful affect on her. Her eyes were brighter as well as her cheeks and her throat looked flush with life.
“Oh Jules, please babe. There’s been a misunderstanding sweetheart. Please let me explain.”
I finally made it up the flat marble of the rock bridge. She stared into the creek below. The sun was starting to set and I cursed myself for forgetting my flashlight. She stood quietly waiting for me to speak.
“Jules, listen, I was really upset with what happened last night and wanted so desperately to speak with you about it. I had tried to pick you up for school but you had gone so that just increased the irritation I had for myself and at lunch you weren’t there and that just sent me over the edge. I basically took it out on Jesse at lunch. I know I should have chosen a more private venue for the conversation. Plus, our topic wasn’t the one Taylor gave you the impression it was.
“I was trying to talk to Jesse about how upset I was so I told him what happened,” I watched a tear fall down her cheek, “but I was discrete about it! I told him what you meant to me, that I am just as responsible for you as you are for yourself. I wanted him to know how it’s supposed to be and that the way he is acting is self-destructive.
“He got really defensive and condescendingly brushed me off. I stood and let him know what I thought of him and the cafeteria caught the latter end and it spiraled out of control from there. That’s why Taylor was out there, she was trying to take advantage of a weak moment. Please don’t let her do that to us Jules.”
Jules turned toward me, wiping her eyes as dry as she could get them. I took her hands in mine and they were freezing. I warmed them by bringing her body in closer for a hug. I was wearing a t-shirt with a button up flannel over it so I took her hands and put them inside my open shirt and onto my back. I wrapped my jacket around her body and kissed the top of her head.
“Jules?” I asked after a moment.
“Yes Elliott?” She asked, her voice cracked from crying.
“Why did you leave me last night?”
“Because,” she said.
“Because why?” I prodded.
She sighed, “Because I was ashamed and so embarrassed, not that what you did was wrong or anything. It’s just, there is nothing more humiliating than being rejected, especially when you put yourself out there like that.
“I was so vulnerable and I felt like I’d been scolded like a child. I know I was too sensitive about it but I was so exposed and I felt like I needed to guard myself again. The only way I could do that was by getting out of there. The rejection damaged my heart a little. I felt slighted and unattractive, like you didn’t want me.”
“Oh my God Jules! That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” I said laughing.
She pulled away and gave me the dirtiest look I’d ever seen her give.
“You’ve done it again!” She said, pulling away.
I grabbed her and put her back as she had been. She resisted but I forced her to.
“Jules, I meant that it’s stupid to ever think that I’d never want you! Do you have any clue how difficult it was to stop myself? I have never wanted anything so badly in my entire life like I want you but I would never compromise you for it. It’s my duty to protect you, even sometimes from yourself, and especially from me. I want you forever Jules and waiting a little while isn’t a big deal to me. Our time will come and...........Jules?”
“Hmm?”
“It will be the best times ever.”
She hugged me closely and I grabbed her chin. I brought it up to my mouth and kissed her profoundly. Our shared galvanized current made us forget the cold night air. When I came up to breathe, I noticed how dark it was.
“Wouldn’t it be nice,” I sighed at the moon.
“What? If we were older?” She smiled.
Chapter Five
The Dream of the Ruthless Ideal
The next day, at school, Jules and I walked through the halls hand in hand as always and squashed all the rumors Taylor Williams had worked so hard to start.
“Let’s go to the rock bridge again tonight. There’s something I need to talk to you about,” I said.
“Uh oh,” she fretted.
“It’s serious, but not bad serious,” I said trying to pacify any anxiety.
“Whatever you say,” she laughed.
I kissed her at the door to her Art class and as it closed behind her I caught a glimpse of a disappointed Taylor. I shook my head and rolled my eyes while I walked to my U.S. History class with Coach Miles. I was glad I had history first because Jesse was in that class and I needed to apologize. It’s not that I didn’t mean what I had said during lunch, only that I shouldn’t have done it in such a public manner.
“Hey Jesse,” I said softly.
He nodded, avoiding eye contact, staring toward a depressing vinyl tile.
“Listen,” I began, “I want to apologize for blowing up on you yesterday, dude. I......”
But before I could finish, he cut me off, “Elliott, I need you to break up with Julia Jacobs.”A small smile curved at his lips, his eyes still plastered to the floor.
He said it so matter-a-factly, so blasé, so ‘can you believe this weather we’re having? Isn’t it a doozy?’. I thought he was joking at first. I even began to laugh a little but the narrow eyed expression he burrowed through me gave me a tiny prickling sensation in my stomach and told me just how wrong I was to assume so, told me he wasn’t joking, that he was one hundred percent serious.
“What?” I asked.
“I need you and Julia to no longer be together. Is that clearer?”
His tone was soft and unnerving. I hardly recognized it.
“Crystal,” I breathed, “Jesse, are you insane?”
That wasn’t rhetoric. I was sincerely concerned. He only ignored me.
“Stop playing Jesse. Come on.”
“I’m not playing,” a stone faced Jesse said, “I am genuine. You must break up with her.”
“I must?”
“Must.”
“And if I said no?” I laughed nervously, still trying to feel out the situation.
“You won’t say no.”
“Well, I’m saying no.”
He snorted. “Let’s just say, if you don’t, you’ll force me to do something......drastic.”
“Be careful, Jesse,” I said through gritted teeth.
“After you so carelessly let me take her out, I decided that I want her and I think you should give her to me.”
“You’ve decided that you want her? And you expect me to give her to you?” The ridiculousness of it was mind boggling to me. It was so ludicrous that I foolishly didn’t even feel that threatened, more concerned with his mental health.
“Yes, I like her legs.” He chuckled, “She has absolutely no interest in me at all and I’ve never run across that before.” The ego. “I feel challenged and to be honest with you I need a challenge. I’m so bored. Granted, she’s sort of chatty but I’m sure I could remedy that.”
“Get over yourself Jesse.”
He laughed.
“I’m going to get her from you, one way or another.”
“Think you can frighten me into submission? You couldn’t be more off the mark. I would kill for her. I would even kill you, despite the fact we used to play together as babes.”
“I’ve only begun to frighten you Gray.”
That was very true. It was official, he was insane. These past few weeks, I had very strong suspicions but was in total and utter denial. This robotic, psychotic version of Jesse that sputtered out this dribble was in fact the new Jesse. The final version. I could see in his cold, dead eyes that he had snapped and that it had been a long time coming.