Warm, sweeping, glorious, relief, the most powerful emotion that had hit me in days, more forceful than my anger, my agony...my pain, rushed over me. This emotion was so full of an alleviation and ease that all of the anguish and distress was leaving my body as I saw the emotions in Bella's eyes again. At the sight, I realized that I never truly appreciated her beauty. My eyes looked up as I silently prayed to whatever entity that kept her alive, letting them know how devoutly thankful I truly am. Looking back at her, the deep depths, the windows to her soul, continued to move in quick irregular motions as she reached up to pull the oxygen tube from her nose.
"No, you don't." I reached over to stop her hand.
My chin was resting only inches from her face when her eyes finally met mine. She was disorientated.
"Edward?" Her voice was hoarse, drained, like she was fatally wounded. A tiny pucker formed between her brows. She tried to focus on my face. "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry!"
She was sorry? What did she need to be sorry for?
"Shhhh." I attempted to stop her insanity. "Everything's all right now." I tried to speak bracing words of comfort. She needn't be so anxious with her frail body being in such a broken state.
"What happened?" Her words were slurred slightly, almost like she was drunk.
Memories of the events that happened that fateful morning, which brought her to this place, rushed across my mind. My stomach bubbled with a sickening acid.
"I was almost too late. I could have been too late," I whispered, torment lacing each syllable.
"I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom."
Of course, she would try to put the blame on herself.
"He tricked us all," I said, trying to ease her mind. She really should be resting.
"I need to call Charlie and my mom," worry was present in her eyes...always worried about someone else, anyone else, but herself.
"Alice called them. Ren��e is here -- well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now."
"She's here?" She tried to sit up, her body swaying slightly. I couldn't let her hurt herself anymore so I lightly pushed her back down onto the pillows.
"She'll be back soon," I promised. "And you need to stay still."
"But what did you tell her?" Her voice was panicked. "Why did you tell her I'm here?" Even in her drugged stupor, she was still trying to protect our secret. Without effort, my love radiated out of me along with the agony that rippled through me at the thought of what actually happened just those two days ago.
"You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window." You were tortured by a vicious vampire and I was nearly too late. "You have to admit, it could happen." I tried to lighten the mood with this small joke.
She sighed at my bad humor and I could see her wince slightly at the pain it caused. Her eyes finally left mine to roam over her broken and mangled body.
"How bad am I?" She asked, curious.
This time I sighed. The damage was extensive.
"You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it -- it made you smell all wrong for a while." I took in a deep breath at the luxurious scent that now filled the small room, letting it sting my throat with the pleasurable burning sensation.
"That must have been a nice change for you," she half smiled.
She had it all wrong though. To imagine her without the palatable scent was almost unbearable, like I had drank all the goodness from her body and it was being replaced by some cheap imitation.
"No, I like how you smell."
"How did you do it?" Her voice was strained. I knew what she was asking.
Many memories stirred from that horrible morning. Blood was coming out of her in torrents, flooding the floor. The blood...how did I stop? I remembered the pleasure and the pain that consumed my body at just the mere thought of her warm blood in my mouth, my burning throat with the accompanied obsessive longing finally being quenched. The thought tore at every nerve in my body. The disgust I felt didn't stop me though; I still brought her wrist to my mouth and drank from her. Even when she yanked around in my grasp, thrusting against my hold, screaming, I didn't let go. I didn't even know how I did it.
"I'm not sure," there was the tiniest quiver in my voice.
Gently, I lifted her hand which was wrapped in white gauze, examining it carefully. Along with the ache that seared deep inside me, there was this new indication of what I was. A monster. A creature that should have no part in this angel's life.
Lightly caressing her hand I shivered at this sick souvenir that would always be on her wrist which made my dead heart shatter. The wires that connected her to all the monitors were just another vivid reminder on top of everything else at how fragile and breakable she was. Each passing second felt like borrowed time.
I sighed. "It was impossible... to stop," my voice was low, a whisper. But I did stop; I was able to keep her alive. "Impossible. But I did." My eyes met hers, a smile creeping up my face; a great rush of affection washing over me. "I must love you."
"Don't I taste as good as I smell?" She returned my smile.
The satisfaction...the gratifyingly warm blood in my mouth �C it was beyond delicious. It coursed through my body, sweeter than life.
"Even better -- better than I'd imagined."
"I'm sorry," she apologized.
She was...sorry? Again, what was with the apologies? If it wasn't for my stupidity in the first place she wouldn't have even been in the situation to have her blood sucked by me, of all creatures. I looked up to the ceiling in exasperation before returning my gaze to her.
"Of all the things to apologize for."
"What should I apologize for?"
For a moment I was lost in desperate speculation, thoughts consuming my mind momentarily. Only one thing came to mind. "For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever."
If her life had ended that day...I shuddered...I too, would have died.
"I'm sorry," she apologized again.
"I know why you did it. It was still irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me."
At this, I realized maybe she didn't trust me as much as I thought. She shouldn't trust me. Because of me, she was here in this hospital bed, for several days, fighting to regain consciousness.
"You wouldn't have let me go," she explained, like I should have known this.
"No," I replied in a stern tone. "I wouldn't."
She shuddered and then slightly winced. My eyes roamed over her to find the culprit of her obvious pain, my nerves being pulled tighter at her discomfort.
"Bella, what's wrong?" I pleaded
She ignored me, wanting more answers.
"What happened to James?"
James, I growled internally; the enemy being brought to the forefront of my mind.
"After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him," I said with clenched teeth.
Bella needed me, I knew that, but regardless, jealousy still rippled through me at the thought that it wasn't me who got to pull him apart - it wasn't me who burned him.
Her eyebrow furrowed. "I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there."
"They had to leave the room... there was a lot of blood."
Everyone's actions that night caught me off guard; all of them behaving like there was not a single drop of blood spilled in the building. Luckily, we all have no need for oxygen.
"But you stayed," she stated with a deep fervor, her face smoothing.
"Yes, I stayed."
Obviously, I stayed. She needed me...she would have died. Preventing that was most important.
"And Alice, and Carlisle ..." she said in conjecture.
Of course they stayed, too. They consider her part of our family.
"They love you, too, you know."
"Did Alice see the tape?" She asked anxiously.
"Yes," I gritted my teeth. I remembered watching the tape through Alice's mind, the things he did to Bella �C the way he taunted me on the video.
"She was always in the dark, that's why she didn't remember," Bella explained, distracting me.
I nodded. "I know. She understands now," I said darkly.
That was all James did; hurt people and their families, only leaving reminders of his presence.
Bella's hand came up to reach for my face, but the IV stopped her from moving far.
"Ugh." She winced.
My head came up from her pillow, concerned. "What is it?" I asked anxiously, the image of James still in my view �C anger still coursing through me.
"Needles," she explained, looking up like she was going to be sick.
She took several deep breaths. Instantly, the anger left my body as humor replaced it. The absurdity of it all �C she was beaten by a vampire, yet this...needle, of all things, makes her sick.
"Afraid of a needle," I muttered under my breath, shaking my head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand..."
She rolled her eyes.
"Why are you here?" She asked.
Instantly, I felt a chill in my stomach. I just stared at her, surveying her face, confusion sweeping over me. Then, it hit me. Maybe she didn't want me here, which is understandable, but it still made my heart ache, my body shriveled in pain. My eyebrows pulled together as a frown replaced my previous amusement.
"Do you want me to leave?" An obvious grimace appearing on my face.
"No!" She protested as loudly as she could. "No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back."
"Oh," I breathed, once again, relief burst through me; understanding replacing confusion. She still wants me here! Happiness swelled inside me like a balloon. "I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks." I fixed my face, like I was trying to convince her myself, proving this lie was convincing. "You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice -- of course I was here with parental supervision," I infused innocently, "but you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and... well, you know the rest. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."
Looking into her eyes I could see her mental processes whirling around before she spoke.
"There are a few flaws with that story. Like no broken windows," she said matter-of-factly.
"Not really," I chuckled lightly under my breath. "Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly -- you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. You have nothing to worry about," I assured her, caressing her cheek with the lightest of touches, letting her warmth envelope me. "Your only job now is to heal," I ordered.
I continued to trace my fingers around her magnificent face. Her heart began to jump around wildly, the monitor echoing the erratic palpitations.
"That's going to be embarrassing," she muttered.
This could be more amusing than I realized. Now her heart was beating loudly enough for both of us to hear with all of this equipment magnifying it. I chuckled.
"Hmm, I wonder..."
I leaned in, deliberately trying to hear her reaction; the beeping noise hammered quickly along with her heart before my cold lips even reached her warm ones. Her heart continued to beat a little faster as I slowly moved in for the kiss.
Gently, I reminded myself; placing my lips upon hers, sending a spine tingling sensation through me as she lightly moaned in pleasure. Her heart was racing before it gave a huge bound and then it stopped altogether. Panic hit. I pulled back instantly as the light beeping noise started again. Relief, a feeling that seemed to be recurring over and over today, swept over me.
"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual," I grimaced.
"I was not finished kissing you," she grumbled. "Don't make me come over there."
Affection gushed up inside me and against my careful stature; a smile crept up my face at her obvious love for me. It was amazing that she still yearned to be with me like I craved to be with her. After everything I had done to her she still wished for a proximity that I was still reluctant to give her; I was filled with a trepidation that I would hurt her, break her, kill her somehow. Despite my thoughts, I still bent down to press my lips lightly to hers. The heat crept up my face and down my veins as it brought warmth to my cold heart.
In the hallway, I could hear a discussion being whispered.
"How long will it take before she wakes up?" Ren��e asked the nurse. Soon, please tell me soon!
"It's up to her, Mrs. Dwyer."
"Well, thanks anyways," she sounded defeated. Edward is still in there I bet �C they have had enough time alone. Who knows what those crazy kids were up to before this accident happened.
I pulled out of our kiss.
"I think I hear your mother," I smiled.
"Don't leave me," she cried irrationally.
Terror was obvious in her deep brown eyes. "I won't," I promised solemnly, and then I smiled serenely. "I'll take a nap."
I jumped from the stiff plastic chair by her side to the turquoise artificial-leather recliner
at the foot of her bed, leaning it all the way back, and closing my eyes. I became a statue.
"Don't forget to breathe," she whispered mockingly. Going along with her humor I took a deep breath, my eyes remained closed.
Ren��e's light echoing footsteps moved towards the door before she lightly pressed against it, causing the door to crack open.
She's awake! Ren��e thought excitedly. Her eyes peeked through the space, hoping to sneak a peek at a possible conversation, eavesdropping before she opened the door all the way to rush towards Bella's open eyes.
"Mom!" Bella croaked out, her voice relieved.
Oh, my baby girl, Ren��e's mind was easing slightly. Through her eyes I could see my still form feigning sleep. Ah, he's asleep...but still here. Her annoyed thoughts became verbal. "He never leaves, does he?" she muttered.
"Mom, I'm so glad to see you!" Bella ignored her mom's spoken thought.
Ren��e's expression cleared, her eyes returning to her daughter. Forget Edward...my baby. My beautiful baby girl. She's awake. Tears flowed down Ren��e's cheeks as she bent down to hug Bella awkwardly.
"Bella, I was so upset!" Ren��e spluttered through her tears and other inarticulate sounds. I should have never, ever let her go to Forks. What was I thinking? I'm such a fool.
"I'm sorry, Mom. But everything's fine now, it's okay," Bella tried to reassure her.
She's sorry? I'm sorry! Everything's not okay. Look at her...all the bruises.
At Ren��e's thoughts, my stomach tightened sickeningly with pain. I felt a pang of unease. The bruises...the broken bones...they were my fault, no one else's. Sick images swam in my head and continued to come at me relentlessly. Every part of me ached with my idiocy �C my ignorance �C at what my clandestine existence ultimately brought to Bella. Thoughts of leaving her echoed through my head, but my love continued to pulse in my heart, my inability to leave her growing stronger. The ongoing battle continued to ensue inside me.
"I'm just glad to finally see your eyes open." Ren��e sat down at the end of Bella's bed.
Her eyes are so sparkly. To think that there was a possibility that they could never open again...she grew sick at the thought, letting it trail off to images of coffins and people dressed in black.
Struggling, I tried to push her images from my mind fiercely. My lurking doubts started resurfacing in my mind. I should leave Bella to her life, stop destroying her future.
"How long have they been closed?" Bella gasped, her mouth forming a little O of horror.
"It's Friday, hon, you've been out for a while."
"Friday?" Her voice was full of stunned disbelief.
The two worst days of my life.
I had to agree with Ren��e's thoughts, except they were the worst two days of my entire existence.
"They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey -- you've got a lot of injuries."
"I know," Bella winced.
"You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice man... very young, though. And he
looks more like a model than a doctor..." If I wasn't married...
"You met Carlisle?" Bella interrupted her fantasy.
"And Edward's sister Alice. She's a lovely girl." The whole family is breath taking. What kind of food are they feeing them?
Only if she knew of the consequences of having our beauty and the blood we drink to continue our deplorable existence.
"She is," Bella agreed sincerely, unstinting devotion, love emitting from Bella's eyes in rays of emotion.
Suddenly I was in Ren��e's vision. Wow, she really does feel strongly for this family. But, what about this boy? He seems to be around much more than the rest.
"You didn't tell me you had such good friends in Forks," Ren��e said suspiciously, turning back to Bella but continuing to steal glances of me over her shoulder.
I wonder what their deal is...
Ren��e was busy stealing another glance over her shoulder when Bella moaned in pain. The lamentation of grief reached Ren��e's ears, her eyes quickly found Bella's. So did mine, flashing open as soon as her mom's attention was no longer on me, panic coursing through me.
"What hurts?" she demanded anxiously, voicing my same concerns. Her thoughts were full of a deep motherly concern, one full of love.
"It's fine," she tried to relieve our tension. "I just have to remember not to move."
Her words eased some of my panic. Closing my eyes again, I focused on her through Ren��e's thoughts.
Never again. She's not going back to Forks. Thank god for Phil's contract. She'll be so excited.
"Where's Phil?" Bella blurted out, almost as if she were reading her mother's mind too.
"Florida-- oh, Bella! You'll never guess! Just when we were about to leave, the best
news!"
"Phil got signed?" Bella interjected.
"Yes! How did you guess! The Suns, can you believe it?" She can finally move back home!
Deep down I could feel the hollowing of my insides along with the burning of my heart at the thought of Bella moving away, but it was the best thing she could do. She should leave, graduate high school, college...get married and have kids. Not stay with a vampire who could offer her no future.
"That's great, Mom," she replied in a questioning enthusiasm.
I knew what was going to come next. The borrowed time was lessening. Instantly, I became increasingly nervous.
"And you'll like Jacksonville so much," she jabbered while Bella stared at her vacantly. "I was a little bit worried when Phil started talking about Akron, what with the snow and everything, because you know how I hate the cold, but now Jacksonville! It's always sunny, and the humidity really isn't that bad. We found the cutest house, yellow, with white trim, and a porch just like in an old movie, and this huge oak tree, and it's just a few minutes from the ocean, and you'll have your own bathroom --"
"Wait, Mom!" Bella interrupted. "What are you talking about? I'm not going to Florida. I live in Forks."
My heart, my cold, dead, unbeating heart...I swear, it just started beating again. She wanted to stay in a place she hated, and I knew it was because of me.
What? Maybe she doesn't understand. Ren��e smiled. "But you don't have to anymore, silly," she laughed. "Phil will be able to be around so much more now... we've talked about it a lot, and what I'm going to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him."
"Mom." Bella hesitated for a second. Automatically I tried to hear her mind, the space between us silent as ever before she spoke. "I want to live in Forks. I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends" -- suddenly I was in Ren��e's vision. It's because of him, I know it. -- "and Charlie needs me. He's just all alone up there, and he can't cook at all."
I wasn't sure why, but it was clear that she didn't want to go to Florida with Ren��e, and I was all for that plan. Even though it wasn't a good plan.
Forks...Ren��e's thoughts were babbling inarticulately. "You want to stay in Forks?" She spluttered.
Again, I was in her vision, my face tense with the conversation. This boy...Does she love him, too? Still...Forks. Insane.
"Why?"
"I told you -- school, Charlie -- " she shrugged "ouch!"
Bella �C how do I comfort her? Her hand fluttered uselessly over Bella's body. Her eyes narrowed in on an un-bandaged spot and patted lightly. Seriously, though �C school? Charlie? I don't believe it.
"Bella, honey, you hate Forks," she stated firmly.
"It's not so bad."
Well, that wasn't the response I was hoping for.
Oh, come on. Ren��e scoffed. Again, I saw my face flash in front of her eyes before she turned back to Bella. "Is it this boy?" she whispered.
Bella opened her mouth and then closed it. What was she thinking?
"He's part of it," Bella finally spoke nonchalantly. "So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?"
"Yes." He's quite mysterious... "And I want to talk to you about that."
How stupid to even consider someone approving of me for their daughter.
"What about?" Her lips pressed together tightly.
"I think that boy is in love with you," Ren��e alleged, keeping her voice low.
"I think so, too."
Despite the situation we were under, I grinned at the memory of our time in the meadow, the first time I confessed my love for her.
"And how do you feel about him?" She was pushing for details, which means Bella will have to lie. I cringed internally at that thought. She was a horrible liar.
A small gush of air swept in and out of Bella's lungs before she spoke. "I'm pretty crazy about him."
This made me happy. I nearly took her life, yet, she was still 'crazy about' me.
"Well, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, he's incredibly good-looking, but you're so young, Bella..." I was hoping that I wouldn't have to have 'the talk' with her until she was older. She sighed. What was I expecting? She is seventeen after all.
"I know that, Mom. Don't worry about it. It's just a crush."
Crush? Just a crush? Her words burned more than my thirst. Deep down I knew she was perpetrating a farce, but still, just like at her house before we left for Phoenix, the words caught me off guard.
Crush...I can handle that. Then it's not too serious after all. "That's right," she agreed.
Then she sighed and glanced guiltily over her shoulder at the big, round clock on the wall above my head. I need to get home...Phil. He'll be worried if I don't answer the phone.
Seeing the time for myself I was disheartened that my time with her was slowly passing by. Sooner than I'd like, I would have to leave her forever. Was I brave enough? Did I have enough will power...enough strength?
"Do you need to go?" Bella interrupted my reverie.
"Phil's supposed to call in a little while... I didn't know you were going to wake up..."
"No problem, Mom." Bella said indifferently. "I won't be alone."
That's right. I'll be here. She was just so soft and vulnerable. It seemed foolhardy to let her out of my sight, where anything could happen to her. And yet, the worst things that could happen to her would result from being with me. Deep down, I wished that she wasn't better off being away from me.
I bet you won't...not with Edward keeping an eye on you. "I'll be back soon. I've been sleeping here, you know."
"Oh, Mom, you don't have to do that! You can sleep at home -- I'll never notice." The words were slurred slightly, the drugged stupor still not completely worn off.
"I was too nervous," she admitted sheepishly. "There's been some crime in the neighborhood, and I don't like being there alone." Her eyes darted to the newspaper next to the bed.
"Crime?" Bella asked, thunderstruck.
It was awful. The building was in ruins. Ren��e was picturing the remains of the ballet studio. "Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground -- there's nothing left at all! And they left a stolen car right out front. Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?"
"I remember," her voice quivered slightly under - what I would expect to be �C bad memories.
She looks scared. Maybe I should stay here... "I can stay, baby, if you need me."