"Theory," Jacob read.
"Can I ask just one more?" she entreated instead of answering my demand.
"No... I said it was my turn," Jacob said, laughing.
Bella rolled her eyes.
"But seriously, don't let her ask another question," Jacob said. "I want to know what she's thinking already."
This time Bella chuckled.
I was on edge, anxious for the worst. And yet, how tempting it was to prolong this moment. To have Bella with me, willingly, for just a few seconds longer. I sighed at the dilemma, and then said, "One."
"Hm... I don't know if one would be enough," Bella said, and Jacob groaned.
"You really are going to stretch this out, aren't you?" Jacob asked and Bella shrugged.
"Well��" she hesitated for a moment, as if deciding which question to voice.
"You said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you know that."
"Good question," Jacob chuckled. "I bet he's wishing that he didn't let you ask it now."
I glared out the windshield. Here was another question that revealed nothing on her part, and too much on mine.
"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," she said, her tone critical and disappointed.
How ironic. She was relentlessly evasive, without even trying.
"Well, it beats being purposefully evasive," Bella said defensively and Jacob laughed at that and the face she was making.
Well, she wanted me to be direct. And this conversation wasn't going anywhere good, regardless.
"Fine, then," I said. "I followed your scent."
Bella smiled because he answered honestly again.
I wanted to watch her face, but I was afraid of what I would see.
Jacob chuckled at that.
"Um... that wasn't really that funny," Bella said to him.
"Sorry... it just sounded so human," Jacob said and that got a smile out of Bella.
Instead, I listened to her breath accelerate and then stabilize. She spoke again after a moment, and her voice was steadier than I would have expected.
"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions��" she said.
"Ha... I knew you wouldn't stop at just one," Jacob said.
"Well at least this isn't a new one," Bella shrugged looking amused. "I must be thinking that I have to get answers out of him as long as he's being honest with me..." she added thoughtfully, and she was now frowning. It was sad that her book self really had no idea what Edward was thinking... or how much he really cared about her.
I looked down at her, frowning. She was stalling, too.
"Which one?"
"How does it work��the mind reading thing?" she asked, reiterating her question from the restaurant. "Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family��?" She trailed off, flushing again.
"I don't seem to recall you asking him all that," Jacob said and Bella shrugged, laughing again.
"That's more than one," I said.
She just looked at me, waiting for her answers.
And why not tell her? She'd already guessed most of this, and it was an easier subject that the one that loomed.
"But I want to know about the one that looms," Jacob grumbled. "Stupid bloodsucker allowing her to stall."
"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's��'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." I tried to think of a way to describe it so that she would understand. An analogy that she could relate to. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum��a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear. Most of the time I tune it all out��it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal," ��I grimaced�� "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."
Bella smiled again, imagining Edward when he was first turned doing just that. For some reason... though she knew it wasn't right, she imagined Edward as a little boy. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that it was associated with him learning something as he would when taking his first steps or talking for the first time. She could also picture a vague image of Carlisle, Edward's father, helping him learn how to work though this.
"Um... what's so amusing about that?" Jacob questioned her when he noticed the look in her eyes.
"It's nothing," Bella shook her head and motioned for Jacob to keep reading.
"Why do you think you can't hear me?" she wondered.
I gave her another truth and another analogy.
"I don't know," I admitted. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."
Bella frowned at that, it made her sound like a freak.
I realized that she would not like this analogy. The anticipation of her reaction had me smiling. She didn't disappoint.
Jacob started chuckling at that point; he could see quite clearly her reaction to that.
"My mind doesn't work right?" she asked, her voice rising with chagrin. "I'm a freak?"
Jacob laughed loudly at that. "That's right, I'm glad you finally agree with me."
"Shut up, Jake," Bella glared at him.
Ah, the irony again.
"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak." I laughed.
She understood all the small things, and yet the big ones she got backwards. Always the wrong instincts��
Bella huffed, more annoyed by that because of her slight embarrassment.
Bella was gnawing on her lip, and the crease between her eyes was etched deep.
"Don't worry," I reassured her. "It's just a theory��" And there was a more important theory to be discussed. I was anxious to get it over with. Each passing second was beginning to feel more and more like borrowed time.
"Then ask your question already," Bella said. "I really want you to get past this borrowed time thing."
"Which brings us back to you," I said, divided in two, both anxious and reluctant.
She sighed, still chewing her lip��I worried that she would hurt herself. She stared into my eyes, her face troubled.
"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" I asked quietly.
She looked down, struggling with some internal dilemma. Suddenly, she stiffened and her eyes flew wide open. Fear flashed across her face for the first time.
"What?" Jacob asked.
"You know if you just read the book, we probably would have known by now," Bella said to him.
"Whatever," Jacob mumbled sheepishly and started reading.
"Holy crow!" she gasped.
I panicked. What had she seen? How had I frightened her?
Then she shouted, "Slow down!"
"Oh," Jacob said, pure amusement in his voice, before both of them started laughing.
"What's wrong?" I didn't understand where her terror was coming from.
"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" she yelled at me.
Bella was about to comment, but she really didn't want Jacob to laugh at her again. But really... why did he have to go that fast?
She flashed a look out the window, and recoiled from the dark trees racing past us.
This little thing, just a bit of speed, had her shouting in fear?
I rolled my eyes. "Relax, Bella."
"Are you trying to kill us?" she demanded, her voice high and tight.
"We're not going to crash," I promised her.
She sucked in a sharp breath, and then spoke in a slightly more level tone. "Why are you in such a hurry?"
"I always drive like this."
"Well at least I know that's true," Bella said. "Hm... I don't know if I'm going to be riding in his car too much."
"If you look at Edward, I'm sure you wouldn't notice anything," Jacob said, and then chuckled. "You'll be dazzled by him..."
"Shut up," Bella blushed and Jacob laughed harder.
I met her gaze, amused by her shocked expression.
"Keep your eyes on the road!" she shouted.
Jacob and Bella laughed at this... for Bella thought that laughing was just easier to do at the moment than worry... Edward wouldn't let anything happen to her after all.
"I've never been in an accident, Bella. I've never even gotten a ticket." I grinned at her and touched my forehead. It made it even more comical��the absurdity of being able to joke with her about something so secret and strange. "Built in radar detector."
"Very funny," she said sarcastically, her voice more frightened than angry.
"Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."
"And now he slows down," Jacob said. "Well, you seemed to know how to make him listen to you."
"Probably," I repeated, and then laughed without humor. Yes, we would fare quite differently in a car accident. She was right to be afraid, despite my driving abilities�� "But you can't."
With a sigh, I let the car drift to a crawl. "Happy?"
She eyed the speedometer. "Almost."
Was this still too fast for her? "I hate driving slow," I muttered, but let the needle slide another notch down.
"This is slow?" she asked.
Jacob was laughing as he read this. "You really are afraid of the strangest things."
"Enough commentary on my driving," I said impatiently. How many times had she dodged my question now? Three times? Four? Were her speculations that horrific?
"No... they are just that true," Bella said, suddenly a little worried herself, "I hope he's doesn't freak out about this."
I had to know��immediately. "I'm still waiting for your latest theory."
She bit her lip again, and her expression became upset, almost pained.
I reigned in my impatience and softened my voice. I didn't want her to be distressed.
"I won't laugh," I promised, wishing that it was only embarrassment that made her unwilling to talk.
"Oh... I'm sure you won't," Jacob sighed, he was become tense again.
"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me," she whispered.
I forced my voice to stay even. "Is it that bad?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
She looked down, refusing to meet my eyes. The seconds passed.
"Go ahead," I encouraged.
Her voice was small. "I don't know how to start."
"Why don't you start at the beginning?" I remembered her words before dinner.
"You said you didn't come up with this on your own."
"No," she agreed, and then was silent again.
I thought about things that might have inspired her. "What got you started�� book? A movie?"
I should have looked through her collections when she was out of the house. I had no idea if Bram Stoker or Anne Rice was there in her stack of worn paperbacks��
"Nope," Bella shook her head, she was pretty sure that she wouldn't have been able to figure out what Edward was by what she knew about vampires.
"No," she said again. "It was Saturday, at the beach."
Jacob groaned that; his first fear was confirmed and the second was sure to come true any second now.
I hadn't expected that. The local gossip about us had never strayed into anything too bizarre��or too precise. Was there a new rumor I'd missed? Bella peeked up from her hands and saw the surprise on my face.
"He knows what beach you were at... how could he not figure this out?" Jacob hissed, in a foul mood because of what he was sure was going to happen and he wanted it out there already.
"I ran into an old family friend��Jacob Black,"
Jacob sighed again, it was true then... great.
"I'm sorry," Bella said.
she went on. "His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."
Jacob Black��the name was not familiar, and yet it reminded me of something��some time, long ago�� I stared out of the windshield, flipping through memories to find the connection.
Again there was a tense, almost angry quality to Jacob's voice as he read this.
"His dad is one of the Quileute elders," she said.
Jacob Black. Ephraim Black. A descendant, no doubt.
"Who's Ephraim Black?" Bella questioned, really wanting to know the answer to that, but mostly asking because she hoped it would calm Jacob down a little.
"He was the chief of our tribe the last time the Cullens were here," Jacob said. "He's the one who made the treaty... the one I apparently broke when I told you about the vampires... Er... and I think I broke it too yesterday, when I told..."
"You didn't really break it," Bella shook her head. "Um... I mean, I don't really know what this treaty says, but if it had something to do with telling me about the Cullens you didn't really do that... well, not yesterday at least. I knew there was something wrong with them... and the number of times that the book said it... I was going to know anyway, you just helped me to understand sooner."
"Thanks," Jacob said. "But that doesn't seem to help me out in this book."
"Sorry," Bella said, but Jacob did look slightly better now.
It was as bad as it could get.
She knew the truth.
My mind was flying through the ramifications as the car flew around the dark curves in the road, my body rigid with anguish��motionless except for the small, automatic actions it took to steer the car.
She knew the truth.
"Yes, yes, I know the truth... now talk to me about it," Bella said and Jacob had to smile at her childish behavior since she rarely acted this way.
But��if she'd learned the truth Saturday��then she'd known it all evening long��and yet��
"We went for a walk," she went on. "And he was telling me about some old legends��trying to scare me, I think. He told me one��"
"I would not just tell you about these things," Jacob hissed, looking angry and Bella wasn't sure if he was angry at what her book self just said or if he was angry because he thought his book self would have said that.
"Um... We're not sure what happened on the beach," Bella said, hoping that would calm him down a bit... it didn't work.
She stopped short, but there was no need for her qualms now; I knew what she was going to say. The only mystery left was why she was here with me now.
"Go on," I said.
"About vampires," she breathed, the words less than a whisper.
Somehow, it was even worse than knowing that she knew, hearing her speak the word aloud. I flinched at the sound of it, and then controlled myself again.
"He didn't seem to mind calling himself a vampire," Bella mumbled to herself.
"And you immediately thought of me?" I asked.
"No. He��mentioned your family."
"Argh," Jacob groaned, how could he be so stupid?
How ironic that it would be Ephraim's own progeny that would violate the treaty he'd vowed to uphold. A grandson, or great-grandson perhaps. How many years had it been? Seventy?
I should have realized that it was not the old men who believed in the legends that would be the danger. Of course, the younger generation��those who would have been warned, but would have thought the ancient superstitions laughable��of course that was where the danger of exposure would lie.
Jacob was seething as he read this, feeling both guilty and angry about what his book self had done.
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead��
"NO!" Bella said furious as Jacob looking angrily at the book; seeing how dangerous this slip really was.
"He just thought it was a silly superstition," Bella said suddenly, her voice edged with a new anxiety. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it."
"You must have realized how he was reacting to this," Jacob hissed in a tight, angry voice.
"He never would have hurt your family anyway," Bella said; she knew that was true, no matter how mad he was at the moment, he wouldn't do that.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her twist her hands uneasily.
"It was my fault," she said after a brief pause, and then she hung her head as if she were ashamed. "I forced him to tell me."
Jacob raised an eyebrow at that. Forced me, he thought, how could she force me?
"Why?" It wasn't so hard to keep my voice level now. The worst was already done. As long as we spoke of the details of the revelation, we didn't have to move on to the consequences of it.
"Lauren said something about you��she was trying to provoke me." She made a little face at the memory. I was slightly distracted, wondering how Bella would be provoked by someone talking about me�� "And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different.
"Well, at least you're not the one that mentioned the Cullens," Bella said and Jacob felt slightly better about that.
So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him."
And now he looked completely hurt. That really didn't make him sound too good... nor did it sound like they were remotely friends.
Bella put her head in her hands, she felt horrible. How could she have done that to Jacob?
"I'm sorry," Bella said quietly.
"Whatever," Jacob said bitterly.
Her head dropped even lower as she admitted this, and her expression looked��guilty.
I looked away from her and laughed out loud. She felt guilty? What could she possibly have done to deserve censure of any kind?
"Tricked him how?" I asked.
"I tried to flirt��it worked better than I thought it would," she explained,
"You flirted with me," Jacob said, yeah that would do it. He couldn't lie, he definitely thought Bella was beautiful, and if she would be up for it, he would love to go out with her. But, that option clearly wasn't available to him, not with Edward. And that was okay, because he liked hanging out with Bella... it was nice being around her... Her friendship was enough.
Still, to hear that her book self had flirted with him, just so he would spill the beans about his family heritage... that wasn't nice at all. Nor was hearing her say she tricked him... like he was some kind of fool. Did she even like him? He wondered as he gave her a cold look.
Bella didn't say anything, she heard the hurt and anger in his voice, and she really hated herself at the moment. How could she play with a boy's affections so carelessly like that? She wanted to apologize again, but the words didn't come out. So she just sat there waiting for him to start reading again. The garage they were sitting in seemed to have gone cold as she waited for him to read...
and her voice turned incredulous at the memory of that success.
I could just imagine��considering the attraction she seemed to have for all things male, totally unconscious on her part��how overwhelming she would be when she tried to be attractive. I was suddenly full of pity for the unsuspecting boy she'd unleashed such a potent force on.
"Thanks," Jacob spat bitterly and Bella flinched. Was she really that attractive to guys?
"I'd like to have seen that," I said, and then I laughed again with the black humor.
I wished I could have heard the boy's reaction, witnessed the devastation for myself.
Jacob hissed at that.
"And you accused me of dazzling people��poor Jacob Black."
Jacob spat his words as he read and Bella just kept feeling worse.
I wasn't as angry with the source of my exposure as I would have expected to feel. He didn't know better. And how could I expect anyone to deny this girl what she wanted? No, I only felt sympathy for the damage she would have done to his peace of mind.
I felt her blush heat the air between us. I glanced at her, and she was staring out her window. She didn't speak again.
"What did you do then?" I prompted. Time to get back to the horror story.
"I did some research on the internet."
Bella let out a tiny sigh, knowing for sure they were done talking about Jacob now.
Jacob glared at her when she sighed and she tensed as her lip trembled.
"Do you even like me?" Jacob asked sharply at that point, he wasn't one to run away from conflict and he needed this question answered now.
Bella looked at him shocked and hurt that he had to ask that. "Of course I do."
Jacob sighed. "Then stop worrying about this... I'll get over it."
"I'm just... I'm sorry," Bella said. "I don't know why I would..."
"Trick me into telling you a secret that could have destroyed my tribe?" Jacob hissed then, he really didn't want her to try and explain herself to him.
Bella gasped and shook her head. "No... I couldn't have known the potential danger to your tribe..." she said this as if she was talking to herself. She wouldn't have done that, right?
"No, I suppose you wouldn't know about the treaty." Jacob said, "But still, it's just not like you to use someone like that. And it hurts that it was me that you tricked."
Bella swallowed. "I'm sorry... I don't know what else I can say about that..."
"Oh, Bella," Jacob groaned. "Of course you don't know what to say... we don't even know what was said on the beach... I'm sorry for blaming you... you really haven't done anything to me."
"But..." Bella said, but he cut her off shaking his head.
"Seriously, Bella, drop it," Jacob said. "We're cool now."
"Okay," Bella nodded her head sadly and Jacob rolled his eyes... she so wasn't going to just drop this, but whatever, he wasn't going to think about it anymore.
Ever practical. "And did that convince you?"
"No," she said. "Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then��"
She broke off again, and I heard her teeth lock together.
"What?" I demanded. What had she found? What had made sense of the nightmare for her?
Jacob chuckled there, it was a little forced, but it still sounded natural. "You really have this guy on the edge of his seat with all the suspense you're building here."
"I doubt I know what I'm doing," Bella said, her voice a little distant. She really didn't know what she was doing when it came to boys; which was clear enough by the way that she had handled Jacob.
There was a short pause, and then she whispered, "I decided it didn't matter."
Shock froze my thoughts for a half-second, and then it all fit together. Why she'd sent her friends away tonight rather than escape with them. Why she had gotten into my car with me again instead of running, screaming for the police��
Her reactions were always wrong��always completely wrong. She pulled danger toward herself. She invited it.
"Why is he taking that so badly?" Bella asked a little confused. "Is it bad that I've accepted him?"
"Um... I'm not sure," Jacob said thoughtfully. "You know this guy... he always reacts the wrong way," he laughed this time and so did Bella.
"I suppose two wrongs do make a right then," Bella chuckled.
"That's not how the saying goes," Jacob shook his head.
"It didn't matter?" I said through my teeth, anger filling me. How was I supposed to protect someone so��so��so determined to be unprotected?
"No," she said in a low voice that was inexplicably tender. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."
She was impossible.
"And so is he," Bella hissed.
"Doesn't make you stop liking him though, does it?" Jacob said.
"Nope," Bella admitted with a smile.
"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?"
"No."
I started to wonder if she was entirely stable.
I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available��
"I am not crazy, Edward Cullen!" Bella yelled.
"You are yelling at a book right now... that might be considered a bit crazy," Jacob pointed out with barely concealed laughter.
"Shut up!" Bella hissed at him.
Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, whatever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed��
"Well, then I wouldn't be cured you idiot, because the reason is that I like you!" Bella yelled again.
"Yep... not crazy at all," Jacob really laughed this time and she glared at him furiously. She might have been a fully grown house cat, instead of a kitten with that glare, Jacob mused, laughing harder.
"You're angry," she sighed. "I shouldn't have said anything."
As if her hiding these disturbing tendencies would help either of us.
"No. I'd rather know what you're thinking��even if what you're thinking is insane."
"So I'm wrong again?" she asked, a bit belligerent now.
"She didn't like it when you questioned her sanity, man," Jacob said laughing.
"That's not what I was referring to!" My teeth clenched together again. "'It doesn't matter'!" I repeated in a scathing tone.
She gasped. "I'm right?"
"Does it matter?" I countered.
She took a deep breath. I waited angrily for her answer.
"Not really," she said, her voice composed again. "But I am curious."
"Of course you are," Jacob said.
Not really. It didn't really matter. She didn't care. She knew I was inhuman, a monster, and this didn't really matter to her.
Aside from my worries about her sanity, I began to feel a swelling of hope. I tried to quash it.
"And I'm the insane one," Bella grumbled. "Setting aside his hopes..."
"What are you curious about?" I asked her. There were no secrets left, only minor details.
"How old are you?" she asked.
My answer was automatic and ingrained. "Seventeen."
"Liar," Jacob said.
"Hmm... I'm sure that's true... in a way," Bella shrugged.
"And how long have you been seventeen?"
I tried not to smile at the patronizing tone. "A while," I admitted.
"Okay," she said, abruptly enthusiastic. She smiled up at me. When I stared back, anxious again about her mental health, she smiled wider. I grimaced.
"Don't laugh," she warned. "But how can you come out during the daytime?"
"There's no chance he's not going to laugh at that," Jacob laughed, being caught off guard by that question.
I laughed despite her request. Her research had not netted her anything unusual, it seemed. "Myth," I told her.
"Burned by the sun?"
"Myth."
"Sleeping in coffins?"
"Myth."
Sleep had not been a part of my life for so long��not until these last few nights, as I'd watched Bella dreaming��
"I can't sleep," I murmured, answering her question more fully.
"That one is a little freaky," Bella admitted.
"I know," Jacob said. "What doesn't sleep?"
"Vampire," Bella answer immediately and Jacob rolled his eyes.
She was silent for a moment.
"At all?" she asked.
"Never," I breathed.
I stared into her eyes, wide under the thick fringe of lashes, and yearned for sleep.
Not for oblivion, as I had before, not to escape boredom, but because I wanted to dream.
"Poor vampire not being able to dream," Jacob said.
Maybe, if I could be unconscious, if I could dream, I could live for a few hours in a world where she and I could be together. She dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of her.
She stared back at me, her expression full of wonder. I had to look away.
I could not dream of her. She should not dream of me.
"You haven't asked me the most important question yet," I said, my silent chest colder and harder than before. She had to be forced to understand. At some point, she would have to realize what she was doing now. She must be made to see that this all did matter��more than any other consideration. Considerations like the fact that I loved her.
"Um... what question is he talking about?" Jacob asked and Bella shrugged.
"Which one is that?" she asked, surprised and unaware.
This only made my voice harder. "You aren't concerned about my diet?"
"Oh. That." She spoke in a quiet tone that I couldn't interpret.
"Yes, that. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"
She cringed away from my question. Finally. She was understanding.
"Well, Jacob said something about that," she said.
Bella flinched at the mention of Jacob's name, but Jacob really was over that now. Or at least he wasn't going to waste energy on getting worked up about it again. "It looks like I told you about their vegetarian ways," he said.
"What did Jacob say?"
"He said you didn't��hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."
"That seems to be a bit nicer than what I would say," Jacob said.
"Really?" Bella questioned.
"Yeah... I mean before this I never really believed the legends, but still," Jacob said and then shrugged there. "They're bloodsuckers that we had an uneasy treaty with... I'm not about to say something nice about them."
"He said we weren't dangerous?" I repeated cynically.
"Not exactly," she clarified. "He said you weren't supposed to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land, just in case."
I stared at the road, my thoughts in a hopeless snarl, my throat aching with the familiar fiery thirst.
"So, was he right?" she asked, as calmly as if she were confirming a weather report. "About not hunting people?"
"The Quileutes have a long memory."
She nodded to herself, thinking hard.
"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I said quickly. "They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."
"Yes, they are," Jacob frowned, this book did prove that in a way. The vampires really did have a somewhat daily struggle to be able to be close to humans... and then if there was one that smelled too good... they would lose themselves in the monster. And yet, it was hard for him to hate them, because they were trying to stop their very nature...
"I don't understand."
No, she didn't. How to make her see?
"We try," I told her. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."
Her scent was still a force in the car. I was growing used to it, I could almost ignore it, but there was no denying that my body still yearned toward her for the wrong reason. My mouth was swimming with venom.
Jacob sighed, he really didn't want to hear that right now... it made it easy to hate them again.
"This is a mistake?" she asked, and there was heartbreak in her voice. The sound of it disarmed me. She wanted to be with me��despite everything, she wanted to be with me.
Hope swelled again, and I beat it back.
"A very dangerous one," I told her truthfully, wishing the truth could really somehow cease to matter.
She didn't respond for a moment. I heard her breathing change��it hitched in strange ways that did not sound like fear.
"What is it then?" Jacob asked.
Bella didn't answer; she just looked sadly at the book.
"Tell me more," she said suddenly, her voice distorted by anguish.
I examined her carefully.
She was in pain. How had I allowed this?
"You should watch your words more carefully," Bella mumbled.
"What more do you want to know?" I asked, trying to think of a way to keep her from hurting. She should not hurt. I couldn't let her be hurt.
"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," she said, still anguished.
Wasn't it obvious? Or maybe this didn't matter to her either.
"I don't want to be a monster," I muttered.
Bella smiled at that, thinking how that proved that he wasn't a monster.
"But animals aren't enough?"
I searched for another comparison, a way that she could understand. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger��or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." My voice got lower; I was ashamed of danger I had allowed her to be in. Danger I continued to allow��
"Sometimes it's more difficult than others."
"Is it very difficult for you now?"
I sighed. Of course she would ask the question I didn't want to answer.
"Because those are the questions that truly matters... that lets me know more about you," Bella said.
"Yes," I admitted.