'She was very much concerned for me-was afraid something dreadful had
happened,' continued Helena, in the same keen, sarcastic tone, which
showed she was trying to rid herself of her own mortification.
'Because we weren't in till about eleven?' said Siegmund, also with
sarcasm.
'I mustn't do it again. Oh no, I mustn't do it again, really.' 'For fear of alarming the old lady?' he asked.
'"You know, dear, it troubles _me_ a good deal ... but if I were your
_mother_, I don't know _how_ I should feel,"' she quoted.
'When one engages rooms one doesn't usually stipulate for a stepmother
to nourish one's conscience,' said Siegmund. They laughed, making jest
of the affair; but they were both too thin-skinned. Siegmund writhed
within himself with mortification, while Helena talked as if her teeth
were on edge.
'I don't _mind_ in the least,' she said. 'The poor old woman has her
opinions, and I mine.' Siegmund brooded a little.
'I know I'm a moral coward,' he said bitterly.
'Nonsense' she replied. Then, with a little heat: 'But you _do_ continue
to try so hard to justify yourself, as if _you_ felt you needed
justification.' He laughed bitterly.
'I tell you--a little thing like this--it remains tied tight round
something inside me, reminding me for hours--well, what everybody else's
opinion of me is.' Helena laughed rather plaintively.
'I thought you were so sure we were right,' she said.
He winced again.
'In myself I am. But in the eyes of the world--' 'If you feel so in yourself, is not that enough?' she said brutally.
He hung his head, and slowly turned his serviette-ring.
'What is myself?' he asked.
'Nothing very definite,' she said, with a bitter laugh.
They were silent. After a while she rose, went lovingly over to him, and
put her arms round his neck.
'This is our last clear day, dear,' she said.
A wave of love came over him, sweeping away all the rest. He took her in
his arms....
'It will be hot today,' said Helena, as they prepared to go out.
'I felt the sun steaming in my hair as I came up,' he replied.
'I shall wear a hat--you had better do so too.' 'No,' he said. 'I told you I wanted a sun-soaking; now I think I shall
get one.' She did not urge or compel him. In these matters he was old enough to
choose for himself.
This morning they were rather silent. Each felt the tarnish on their
remaining day.