He wouldn’t let her think for one moment that he’d fallen for her.
Or that he wasn’t sure how he’d ever get up again.
He’d been worried about the gala, about getting out there and playing the part in front of an audience. But holding her had made everything right. And when Boyd had said that everyone knew Ethan was still married to his dead wife, Ethan had known, unequivocally, that it wasn’t true. Not anymore. He loved Amy, and he always would, but Rue had changed him.
But not enough that he wanted to take that big of a risk.
Both Crosby and Liam had called him, but he ignored the phone in favor of sharing the sofa and the TV with the ugliest dog he’d ever seen. He scratched the one patch of fur she still possessed, and she rested her chin on his thigh. He threw back a beer and tried not to think about the woman who had occupied his thoughts and his bed, but that was easier said than done. He had a great memory and had no problem remembering her sleepy, happy smile. Or what it felt like to sink into her, so hot and soft and ready for anything. The hole in his life would be immense, but he’d get through it. He’d already lost one incredible woman and survived. He’d do it again, but not by holding Rue. He’d get through it by letting her go.
And as long as he kept believing that bullshit, he just might.
Chapter Fifteen
Three days later, Ethan was still pissed, and he wasn’t even sure why. He wasn’t mad at Rue. He wasn’t even mad at himself, really. He was doing the right thing. Which pretty much left him mad at the world, and he’d been there before. No reason he shouldn’t be able to cope.
Only he couldn’t. Not by a long shot.
Every ordinary, mundane thing he did, from peeling back his covers to walking the dog, made him miss Rue more. She had a brightness to her eyes and a zeal for crazy shit. On a nice afternoon when everyone else he knew had been at the park or hanging out at home, the woman had taken him up in a hot air balloon. While everyone else made sad faces at shelter animals, she went in there and made a goddamned difference. He was a better man for having known her, but he was also a ruined man. He’d never see life the same way again.
His world had been turned upside down once before, and there hadn’t been anything he could do but mourn. He’d said good-bye to his beloved wife because she couldn’t live, and now he was stuck saying good-bye to his wild, beautiful, pretend girlfriend because she could. And there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it.
Was there?
Hell if he knew.
He wasn’t on the schedule the next morning, but he went to work anyway. He needed the distraction, and he needed four walls Rue hadn’t made herself a part of. When he walked through the door and unhooked Shaggy’s leash, Liam didn’t even look up.
“What’s on the schedule for the day?” Ethan asked.
“Not you.”
“Brilliant observation.” The retort came automatically, but his heart wasn’t in it.
“I’m glad I didn’t fail on every level,” Liam said.
Ethan stilled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Liam looked up. Looked pissed. “You had me fooled. I thought you cared about her. Actually, at first I thought you invented her and then I thought you were just pretending, but then I saw you with her, and I thought you might be falling in love. Hell, I thought that last night. But like I said, I was wrong.”
Ethan didn’t need this. Not now. Now when he was losing the woman he wasn’t sure he could live with or live without. “And you came by this conclusion how?”
A smug, albeit disgusted, look crawled across Liam’s face. “I notice you don’t argue with the validity of it. Just that I know anything at all.”
“I don’t really care what you think you know.”
“I’m not the one you should be worried about,” Liam shot back, “but you knew that, too. You’re the one who told Crosby to take a chance on love, and then you told Sawyer the same goddamned thing, so it’s only fair that I warn you that if you ever come to me with that insincere bullshit, I’m going to put you on the floor.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” At his raised voice, Shaggy looked up and took wobbly steps to stand next to Liam, which made Ethan feel like shit. He’d scared his own dog.