“I can’t lie to you, sweets. It’s the only thing that makes me who I am. I’ll always tell you the truth.”
“Then it’s true. You’re in financial trouble?”
“Not yet. But I probably will be if my foundation doesn’t get more investors soon.”
“Oh, God. I was really hoping he made that up just to be mean.” Raina paled and let go of his arm.
Nick couldn’t understand why his foundation was of any interest to her. Especially not enough to cause her to look like that.
“He didn’t make that part up, unfortunately.”
Raina’s eyes swung back to his face. “He was so surprised that you hadn’t asked me to donate. He thinks that was the reason you married me. That you had some master plan to use me to push your agenda.”
Nick gritted his teeth. “I would never use you.”
“So it never occurred to you before we were married that an association with me could help your foundation?”
Nick immediately thought of the day Matt had come to his office. It seemed like a million years ago that he’d had the idea of asking Ridley to convince Raina to help him.
“It occurred to me. I can’t pretend it didn’t occur to me. But that’s not why I married you.”
Raina scoffed. “Of course not. You married me because I’ve always been so nice to you.”
“All I was going to do was ask Ridley to talk to you about doing some ads for us. That’s all. I didn’t need to marry you for that.”
“I can’t believe how stupid I am sometimes.”
Nick’s heart sank. “Don’t say that. You can’t honestly believe that I married you to take advantage of you?”
“I’m sure you didn’t think of it that way. It was probably just a nice bonus. Marry the girl, have some hot sex, and instantly boost your public profile at the same time. A win-win-win all around, right?”
He hadn’t been on the receiving end of her sharp tongue in so long that he’d lost his armor. Every word she said sliced through him until Nick was shocked there weren’t holes straight through him.
“It wasn’t like that.”
“The thing I don’t get is why would you do that? Why would you go to all this trouble to make me fall in love with you? I was willing to marry you without all that. I was determined to keep things neutral between us. You’re the one who kept pushing for more.”
“I wanted you to fall in love with me because I’m in love with you.”
Raina closed her eyes. “Steven admitted that he’s been making things difficult for you. Did you marry me just to get back at him?” The quiet despair in her voice sliced his emotions in half.
“Oh, no. Raina. I’ve been in love with you all along and that never changed. I don’t care what Steven said. You know what we have is real.”
She stared up at him from tear-filled eyes. “No, I don’t. That’s the problem. I just don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know anything at all.”
That was when Nick got angry. It was utter bullshit that she’d believe her ex over his word. “You just told me you love me and now just ten minutes later, you’re suddenly not sure? Raina, don’t you see? You’re just afraid. But you don’t have to be.”
“I do. I was afraid and it turns out I had good reason to be. This whole time I thought you were doing all this stuff for me but it’s really been some macho pissing contest between you and Steven.” She pulled the thin blanket higher on her chest, almost as if it could shield her from him. “You’re like two toddlers fighting over a toy. A toy that neither of you actually even wants.”
“That’s not true, Raina.” Nick wondered how they’d gone from her declaring her love to accusing him of using her. “Whenever I get anywhere close to touching your heart, you pull away from me. I’ve done everything I can to show you how I feel. There’s a point where you just can’t do any more without losing yourself. I love you, Raina, but you don’t make it easy.”
Raina let out a sob. “You think this is easy for me? I want so much to believe you. But I’ve seen you in action before. You’re so used to doing whatever you want to bend the world to your will. When was the last time you did something with no ulterior motive? Something with no benefit to you?”
It hurt Nick more than he’d thought possible that he couldn’t think of even one example for her.
“I hate that this is hurting you, sweetheart. I can’t stand to see you cry. I’ve always only wanted you to be happy. I would never knowingly cause you harm.”
“I know you never mean any harm, Nick. But sometimes even when you don’t mean for it to happen, people get hurt. This hurts,” she cried.
He tried to approach her bed but as soon as he did, she started crying harder. “I just can’t believe it. I just can’t.” The monitor attached to her arm started going crazy.
A nurse came in a few minutes later. “What happened in here? She was doing so much better.”
“I can’t. I just can’t,” Raina cried. She kept saying it over and over until the nurse looked up at him in alarm.
There was nothing left for him to do but leave.
* * * * *
NICK PACED BACK and forth in the corridor outside Raina’s room. His shoes made little squeaking sounds on the linoleum floor. Everything Raina had just said felt like it was replaying in his head.