She wanted to scream, No, I’m making it up! “Yes, of course I’m sure. I was late and took a pregnancy test in Florida. It’s positive. I took the test three times to be sure.”
He leaned back against his chair and averted his gaze. Then, meeting her eyes, he smiled with a kind of wonderment. “You’re pregnant,” he said. “That’s, well, wow . . . that’s great.”
Carson blinked, not sure she’d heard right. “Great? What do you mean, that’s great? It’s not great.”
“It’s better than what I thought you might say. Look,” he said, laying his palms on the table. “I know we didn’t plan it, but it happened.” He leaned back on the hind legs of his chair and scratched his head. “How did it happen?”
Carson snorted again and looked at him askance.
He brought the chair back aright and grinned wickedly. “I know how . . .” His smile fell and he grew serious. “But how did you get pregnant? We were careful.”
“That’s what I want to know,” she replied, narrowing her eyes with accusation.
Anger flashed in Blake’s eyes. “What? No way. What do you take me for? If I wanted to knock you up, I’d be up-front and honest about it.”
“Well, you did knock me up!” she shouted.
“Well, I’m sorry!” he shouted back.
Hobbs jumped up and ran to the door, barking.
“Hobbs, hush,” Blake fired off.
The dog immediately stopped barking and returned to sit on the floor by Blake’s feet with a grunt.
Blake and Carson stared each other down for a moment, the silence thick around them.
Finally Blake wiped his brow, his face pinched in concentration. “Look,” Blake said in a calmer voice. “Obviously something just failed. It’s rare but here we are. And you weren’t on the pill . . .”
“You knew that,” she said defensively, and looked away, embarrassed for her lapse in good judgment. She’d gone off the pill before she’d left Los Angeles. She wanted to give her body a break from the hormones and she wasn’t planning on starting up any relationships. She had meant to go back on the pill when she returned from Florida. She’d thought they were being careful. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“I’m just saying . . .” Blake said in a conciliatory tone. “We’re in this together, okay?” He reached out to tap her hand lying flat on the table. When she looked up he held her gaze. “Okay?”
Carson reluctantly nodded.
“When did you find out?”
“Day before yesterday. It was so bizarre. I was in the water with Delphine and she started echolocating on my abdomen. Turns out she knew I was pregnant before I did.”
“No kidding?” he said, incredulous.
“It freaked me out, let me tell you. As soon as we left the Mote I went to the pharmacy to buy one of those home pregnancy tests. I took all three in the box and all three of them said I was pregnant.” She wiped a wayward lock of hair from her face. “When I found out, it turned on some goddamned switch in my body. Suddenly I’m as sick as a dog. I’d think it was psychosomatic except I couldn’t fake being this sick.”
“Okay,” he said, pushing away his unfinished plate. “It’s going to be okay. I have money in savings and I’ve got good insurance.”
“Wha— Wait!” Carson blurted, sitting straight with alarm. “I’m not sure I’m even having it!”
Blake’s face tightened. “Not sure you’re having it?”
“It’s a big decision. I need to take a step back and think about it.”
“I love you. You love me. What do you need to think about?”
Carson tossed her napkin on the table and stood. She felt the walls of the room closing in on her. “I need to go.”
Blake pushed back his chair and went to her side to take hold of her arm.
“I know you’re freaked out. You’re afraid. But don’t be. I’m here.”
He was saying all the right things and she wished they made her feel better, but they didn’t.
“Carson, you know I love you, right?”
She sniffed, unable to look him in the eye. “Yes.”
“There’s a simple answer. We can get married.”
“No . . .” she said, shaking her head. “Not like this.”
“Honey, I want to marry you. I’ve wanted to marry you from the first moment I saw you at Dunleavy’s.”
“You wouldn’t be asking me if I wasn’t pregnant.”
“Maybe not tonight. But whether it’s now or next year, it doesn’t matter as long as we’re together.” He lowered his lips to kiss the top of her head, then slipped his arms around her, holding her close to his chest.
“We can get married right away, it doesn’t have to be fancy. Then you can move in here. We’ll make my office the nursery. At least until we find a bigger place.”
Blake had it all planned out, apparently. Except Carson didn’t come here tonight for him to have all the answers or to plan her life. She just wanted him to listen to her, to be there for her and let her spill out all her fears and worries, to be her sounding board so she could gain some perspective on what decision to make. Instead, he was pushing her to do what he wanted her to do. Planning her life so she would just say yes. Getting married, having a baby . . . these things were on his agenda, not hers.
Carson felt her breath come quick in a panic. His arms around her felt like a trap. She tensed and broke free of his arms.
“Blake,” she said in a shaky voice, putting her fingers to her temples. “Right now my head feels like it’s going to burst into flames. I can’t talk about getting married and moving in. I’m not sure I want to have a baby at all, much less get married! This is all going way too fast. We’ve only known each other a few months!”
He stared back at her, arms hanging at his sides.
“I didn’t ask you to marry me. I don’t want you to tell me what to do. That’s not why I’m here tonight.” She began pacing the room, eyeing the door. “I’m just trying to do the right thing, to tell you that I’m pregnant. That’s all. That in itself is a stretch for me. I’m not ready to be a mother. I don’t even have a job! How am I going to take care of a baby?”