Marina pulled out the three bagels she would take home with her and put them in a separate bag. “So how are you feeling?”
“Good.”
“Not that I need to know,” Marina continued as if her sister hadn’t spoken. “I’m used to you keeping things from me.”
Julie groaned. “I invited you to join Willow and me last week, but you had that microbiology class.”
“Inorganic chemistry, but thanks for being interested.”
“Marina, come on. I told you as soon as you got home.”
“Yes, you did.” Her sister smiled at her. “So I still love you.”
“Great. Another conditional relationship. What happened to unconditional love forever?”
“We put it in the recycling bin,” Willow said helpfully. “It’s too late to get it back. They’ve already picked up.” She dumped the container of blueberries that had cost a fortune from the colander into a bowl. “Berry?”
“Thanks.” Julie grabbed a handful as she sank onto a stool by the center island.
“What’s wrong?” Marina asked. “You seem, I don’t know, not yourself.”
“I’m fine. Sort of.”
Willow wrinkled her nose. “That doesn’t sound good. Are you sick? Too much queasiness?”
“No. I can handle that. It’s just…” Julie hadn’t decided if she was going to mention Ryan’s stupid proposal, but suddenly she couldn’t keep it to herself.
“He came to see me yesterday,” she began.
“Ryan?” Marina asked helpfully.
Julie nodded. “He made an appointment. He’s dangling his company’s China business in front of me and I don’t like it. One of the partners met him and now sees flashing dollar signs. It would be a lot in billable hours.”
“Which sounds good,” Willow said cautiously. “So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t trust him. What if he’s just playing another sick, twisted game? What if he sets this all up and then disappears, taking his billable hours with him? I would look stupid in front of the partners. It wouldn’t be good for my career.”
Marina and Willow glanced at each other and then at her.
“Um, don’t take this wrong,” Willow said quietly, “but why would he do that? What does he have to gain?”
“I don’t know. Just to screw with me. Don’t forget this was a guy intent on teaching me a lesson, even though he’d never met me and knew nothing about me.”
“That was wrong,” Marina said. “But this is totally different. Julie, I can’t believe he wants to hurt your career. You’re having a baby together—why would he want to hurt the mother of his child?”
“To get control. That’s all he cares about.”
Julie knew she didn’t sound exactly rational, but she couldn’t seem to keep a grip on her emotions. “I just…” She swallowed and found herself fighting tears. “Okay, I’m weak. That’s it, the truth in all its ickiness. I know better than to expect a guy to be decent. I know better than to dream about someone who’s honest and caring. I know I should let the romantic dreams go and I try. I really try. But then when I least expect it, they pop back up and I’m hopeful and then the hopes get crushed and I want to slap myself for being so stupid in the first place.”
“I love you like a sister,” Willow said, which made Julie almost smile. “But what on earth are you talking about?”
“He asked me to marry him.”
“Okay, then,” Marina said, sliding on to the stool next to Julie’s. “Start at the beginning and talk slowly.”
Willow pushed aside the berries and leaned against the counter. “You have our full attention. I promise.”
“There’s not much to tell,” Julie said with a sigh. “He came to the office yesterday.”
She explained how Ryan had spoken about his three companies and how they needed help. “Then somehow we were talking about personal stuff, how he and Todd were close when they grew up and how women only wanted them for their money.”
“It could happen,” Marina said.
“Poor little rich boys,” Willow muttered sarcastically.
“That’s what I told him. Anyway, we were talking about that and then he said we should get married. That it was the best thing for the baby.” She paused, then shrugged. “I didn’t take it well.”
“Why?” Willow asked.
“Because…He really ticked me off. You don’t propose just like that. It’s wrong. We barely know each other. I don’t trust him and, based on how he treated me, he doesn’t trust me. It’s not exactly a basis for a successful marriage. I got angry.”
“I get it,” Willow told her. “He violated those secret dreams you’re not supposed to have. It wasn’t romantic and perfect and he doesn’t love you.”
“I refuse to have a weak side,” Julie said. “I’m tough.”
“You’re human,” Willow said.
“But it was romantic,” Marina said.
Julie rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”
“It’s true,” her baby sister insisted. “You get married because you have to, then you fall madly in love. It’s fabulous.”
“She’s insane,” Julie muttered.
“At least he was willing to do the right thing,” Willow said. “I know he was totally in the wrong on your date. Lying like that. But you know, I kind of don’t totally blame him. It’s really that Todd Aston’s fault. He’s the one who was too big a jerk to show up and talk to you himself.”
Julie thought they were both rats. “Ryan had his own agenda. Don’t make him into the hero of the night.”
“I won’t, but maybe there’s a chance he’s not all bad.”
“A tiny one.”
“So you won’t consider his proposal?” Marina asked.
“Not even on a bet. It would be dumb to marry a man I barely know just because I’m pregnant.”
There was a sound from the doorway. Julie looked up to find her mother standing there.
This was so not how she wanted to tell the news.
Willow and Marina disappeared into the back of the house. Julie stayed on her stool and watched her mother make coffee.
“It’s decaf,” Naomi Nelson said as she flipped on the switch.
“Thanks.”
Her mother turned to face her.
Naomi had run away with her one true love when she’d been just eighteen. She’d been pregnant and Julie’s birth had been followed by two more babies in the next two years. Naomi had been all of twenty-five the first time her husband had left.
Julie remembered very little of that day, except her mother’s crying. She’d been six and had just started the first grade. She’d brought home a picture she’d done in class, but her mother had been too sad to look at it. From that day on, she’d never been able to work on a school art project without remembering her mother’s tears.
“So,” her mother said calmly. “What’s new?”
“Oh, Mom. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find out that way.”
“Did you mean for me to find out at all? You’re pregnant, Julie, and you didn’t tell me.”
Naomi was slim, pretty and not yet fifty. Yet suddenly, she looked older than Julie had ever seen her. Her blue eyes were dark with emotion, but hurt rather than anger.
“I’m sorry,” Julie repeated. “I was going to, I just didn’t know how to say the words. I didn’t plan this. In fact I messed up big time.”
“Did you think I’d judge you?” her mother asked. “When have I ever done that?”
Julie shifted uncomfortably on the chair. “I don’t usually screw up like this.”
“Then you’ll need some help getting through it. What happened?”
“I went on the date with Todd.”
Her mother shook her head. “I thought you girls had decided not to do that.”
“We had, but it seemed so important to Ruth and it was only one date.” Julie stopped. “Mom, no one blames you for what happened with your mother.”
Ruth had not approved of Naomi’s relationship with Jack Nelson. When Naomi had run off with him, Ruth had cut her daughter out of her life.
“I appreciate that. I don’t blame myself either. So the baby is Todd’s?”
“Not exactly.” Julie explained how Ryan had taken Todd’s place and how she’d been swept away. “He wanted to teach me a lesson. He was playing me for a fool. Now he says he’s sorry and he thinks we should try to have a relationship. Honestly, how can I ever trust the guy?”
Her mother was quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t know if you can. Do you want to?”
Did she? “Maybe. Sometimes. I don’t know. We’re having a baby together—there’s a complication.” Julie stopped and smiled. “Mom, I’m having a baby.”
Her mother moved close and hugged her. “I know. How do you feel? Are you happy?”
Julie leaned back and touched her arm. “I am thrilled beyond words. I never thought about having kids except in the abstract, but now that I’m pregnant, I’m really excited. I want this child. I can’t believe how much.”
“You were never one to explore your softer side,” her mother said. “You always felt you had to be in charge and take care of everyone else. There wasn’t a whole lot of energy left over for you to think about yourself. I’m glad you want the baby. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”
The unexpected praise made her eyes fill with tears.
“Thanks,” she murmured, feeling awkward and grateful at the same time. “You’re my role model. You did great with us. We can’t have been easy, what with you on your own.”
As soon as she said the words, she wanted to call them back.
“I wasn’t on my own,” her mother said. “Your father was here.”
“A few weeks a year,” Julie said before she could stop herself. “Mom, come on. I know you love him, but he wasn’t a good husband or a good father.”
Her mother bristled. “He’s still your father. You will talk about him with respect.”
“Why? I don’t get it. I’ve never understood why you let him come and go as he pleases.”
“It’s your father’s nature. He’s restless. But that doesn’t make him a bad man.”
“It doesn’t make him a good one either.”
Julie wondered why she bothered. They’d had this same discussion a hundred times before. She would never understand how her mother could give her heart to a man who thought so little of her that he would disappear for months at a time. Then he’d return with gifts and wild stories, staying just long enough to convince everyone that this time was different, that this time he would stay. Only he never did.
Julie had stopped believing in him a long time ago but her mother led with her heart.
“He’s not a man to be tied down,” her mother said quietly. “I’ve accepted that. I wish you could. This will always be his home and I will always be his wife.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t understand him and I won’t forgive him.”
“Having a child changes you,” her mother told her. “It changes everything.”
Julie knew it wouldn’t change her enough to see her father’s view of the world, but that didn’t matter. She shifted the subject to something less divisive.
“Ryan thinks we should get married,” she said.
“What do you think?”
“That he’s crazy. We’ve had one date. Okay, it went really well until he admitted he was a lying rat, but that’s not enough to build a life on.” She looked at her mother. “You’re going to tell me I should marry him, aren’t you?”
“I’m going to say that he’s your baby’s father and that you need to meet him at least halfway.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
Her mother smiled. “That’s mature. I’m so proud.”
“Mo-om.”
“Julie, life is about compromise. What Ryan did was wrong. If he’s really the jerk you say, then why is he going to all this trouble to convince you he’s sorry? Jerks don’t bother with things like that. And how is marrying you a win for him? If he was only interested in the victory, he’s already slept with you.”
“Ouch.”
“I’m just saying that men who are into the conquest for the sake of numbers don’t hang around. He’s hung around. He says he wants to be a father to his child. That’s not a bad thing. You don’t have to marry him. You don’t have to do anything. But you might want to think about getting to know him. Start there and see where it goes. Maybe he’s secretly a good man.”
“You think?” Julie asked. “With my luck?”
Her mother’s words made sense, but Julie so didn’t want to go there. She wanted to stay mad. It was safer. Getting to know Ryan meant putting herself at risk. What if she started to believe in him? He would only hurt her.
“Not every man is Garrett,” her mother said.
“You want to bet?”
Eight
Ryan lived in a high rise condo that was all glass and steel. Julie was sure there had to be more to the construction because this was L.A. and earthquakes were a certainty. Regardless of what high-tech innovation kept the building standing, she was unimpressed by the modern coldness of it all. Sure, the location was great and the concierge service would take care of all the details of life, but she preferred her slightly scruffy neighborhood where lawns were normal and kids played on the sidewalk.