As much as I want him, want his body and want the feel of him on top of me—I can’t do it. I just can’t do what he’s done with countless other women that came before me unless I’ve thought it through. Spontaneous hookups aren’t my thing anymore.
He pulls back to look at me, face an unreadable mask. “Don’t apologize. I get it. I’ll stop.”
I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath until I let it go, air expelling from my lungs in a disappointed puff. Stupid, stupid James, thinking maybe he’d say something different. Thinking maybe he’d try to change my mind.
Thinking maybe…
Nope.
He doesn’t.
Instead, he gazes down at me, taking my measure. Taking me in. Lowers his head again and brushes the corner of my lips with his mouth. One side then the other, way too lovingly for my heart not to sob out its regret. Plants a soft kiss on my temple. Cheek. The corner of my eyes, causing them to flutter closed of their own accord. Fluttering, fluttering closed with a sigh.
That. That right there—my favorite spot to be kissed: the tender skin just beneath my lower lashes.
“You might be saying you can’t,” he hums near my ear. “But you like that, don’t you, Jim?”
I muster a brutally honest and breathy, “Ugh, yes.”
God yes.
“Should I do it again?” Purr.
Yes please, says my nod.
He does. Rains tiny kisses onto that delicate skin. Soft kisses. Caring. One at a time, the pitter patter of my beating heart keeping time with the rhythm of his gorgeous lips.
Warm full lips cover my mouth gently, and for the barest hint of a second, my eyes open, wanting to glimpse this tender moment between us. Remember it.
Sebastian’s eyes are closed. Cheekbones high. Lips—oh those lips—resting upon mine, waiting. Seeking. Asking.
I answer, slowly parting my pout, tongue hesitantly exploring his. They mingle. Suck. Twirl until we’re both moaning into each other.
“God, James, I want…”
His large hand rubs my inner thigh tenderly, runs the length of my hip and over the cheap polyester of my ill-fitted black leotard while his lips work my mouth. Up toward my sensitive breasts. Dragging an index finger along their undersides, he drags it languidly back and forth against my sensitive flesh until I’m arching my back, wanting him to touch me.
Do anything—anything—to me. Wanting more. Wanting more than a few quick strokes on a sterile gymnasium floor.
I whimper when his mouth breaks contact. “Yes Sebastian? What do you want?”
Me. Say you want me. Say you want to date me and spend time with me and get to know me. Not just have sex with me on a cold gym floor.
Say the words and I’m yours.
“James baby, I want you to ride me all the way to sex town.”
Wait.
What?
He did not just say that. “What did you just say to me?”
A deep chuckle rumbles his chest. “I’ve always wanted to get laid on these mats. Call it a crazy kid fantasy. You up for it?”
It’s official: he’s a douche and the moment is ruined.
“Honestly Oz? I have no idea what to say but no. No, I don’t want to have sex on these wrestling mats. I—that is not what I was expecting you to say.”
His fingers brush a few errant hairs out of my eyes. “What were you expecting?”
I give a short, sardonic laugh. “I thought you liked me.”
“I do like you.”
“No Oz. I thought you liked me. Enough to, you know…” Oh god, how do I say this. “Enough to want something more. Last week when you went out with Sydney, it kind of hurt my feelings.”
Now he’s pulling away slightly, his long, firm body still hovering. “Shit, I knew you were jealous.”
I count to three. “I didn’t say I was jealous; I said it hurt my feelings.”
“Are you asking me to commit to you James? Because I don’t think I’m ready to be tied down by one person.”
We lie still. Unmoving, breathing heavy, consumed by the ice-cold bucket of reality he just dumped on us both. Moments go by—I’m not sure how many—before I try shoving him off.
It’s such a pitiful effort his solid mass doesn’t budge.
“Tied down? No. All I said was, I thought you liked me more than some screw on a dirty gym floor. You’ve never even taken me out, and you’ve gone out with my roommate twice.”
“That second one was an accident.”
I cringe, not realizing until this very moment how much I actually care for him, how much I like him. And not just like him—I’m talking like like. An old-school, playground-style crush on a boy. Butterflies, sexual fantasies, daydreams, caring, emoticons.
All the feels.
All of them.
I am developing the world’s biggest crush on him, developing aches for him in ways I didn’t imagine were possible.
“We shouldn’t even be here right now,” he groans into my hair, caressing it with his mammoth palm, breathing life into my temple. My eyes flutter shut, tears threatening to spill from the corners as I listen to him carelessly natter on. “This was a mistake. If anyone from the team finds out, I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Then why did you bring me here?”
He shrugs, still on top of me. “You lost the bet.”
“That’s the only reason?”
“What other reason would there be?”