"I cannot wait until the spring, I fear," Meralda said coyly to Feringal after dinner one night at Auckney Castle. At Meralda's request the pair was walking the seashore this evening, instead of their customary stroll in the garden.
The young lord stopped in his tracks, eyes wider than Meralda had ever seen them. "The waves," he said, drawing closer to Meralda. "I fear I did not hear you correctly."
"I said that I cannot wait for the spring," Meralda repeated. "For the wedding, I mean."
A grin spread from ear to ear across Feringal's face, and he seemed as if he were about to dance a jig. He took her hand gently, brought it up to his lips, and kissed it. "I would wait until the end of time, if you so commanded," he said solemnly. To her great surprise-and wasn't this man always full of surprises?-Meralda found that she believed him. He had never betrayed her.
As thrilled as Meralda was, however, she had pressing problems. "No, my lord, you'll not be waiting long," she replied, pulling her hand from his and stroking his cheek. "Suren I'm glad that you'd wait for me, but I can no longer wait for the spring for my own desires." She moved in close and kissed him, and felt him melting against her.
Feringal pulled away from her for the first time. "You know we cannot," he said, though it obviously pained him. "I have given my word to Temigast. Propriety, my love. Propriety."
"Then make it proper, and soon," Meralda replied, stroking the man's cheek gently. She thought that Feringal might collapse under her tender touch, so she moved in close again and added breathlessly, "I simply can't wait."
Feringal lost his thin resolve and wrapped her in his arms, burying her in a kiss.
Meralda didn't want this, but she knew what she had to do. She feared too much time had passed already. The young woman started to pull the man down to the sand with her, setting her mind firmly that she would seduce him and be done with it, but there came a call from the castle wall: Priscilla's shrill voice.
"Feri!"
"I detest it when she calls me that!" With great effort, the young lord jumped back from Meralda and cursed his sister under his breath. "Can I never escape her?"
"Feri, is that you?" Priscilla called again.
"Yes, Priscilla," the man replied with barely concealed irritation.
"Do come back to the castle," the woman beckoned. "It grows dark, and Temigast says there are reports of thieves about. He wants you within the walls."
Brokenhearted Feringal looked to Meralda and shook his head. "We must go," he said.
"I can't wait for spring," the woman said determinedly.
"And you shan't," Lord Feringal replied, "but we shall do it properly, in accordance with etiquette. I will move the wedding day forward to the winter solstice."
"Too long," Meralda replied.
"The autumn equinox then."
Meralda considered the timeline. The autumn equinox was six weeks away, and she was already more than a month pregnant. Her expression revealed her dismay.
"I cannot possibly move it up more than that," Lord Feringal explained. "As you know, Priscilla is doing the planning, and she will already howl with anger when she hears that I wish to move it up at all. Temigast desires that we wait until the turn of the year, at least, but I will convince him otherwise."
He was talking more to himself than to Meralda, and so she let him ramble, falling within her own thoughts as the pair made their way back to the castle. She knew that the man's fears of his sister's rage were, if anything, an underestimation. Priscilla would fight their plans for a change of date. Meralda was certain the woman was hoping the whole thing would fall apart.
It would fall apart before the wedding if anyone suspected she was carrying another man's child.
"You should know better than to go out without guards in the night," Priscilla scolded as soon as the pair entered the foyer. "There are thieves about."
She glared at Meralda, and the woman knew the truth of Priscilla's ire. Feringal's sister didn't fear thieves on her brother's account. Rather, she was afraid of what might happen between Feringal and Meralda, of what had nearly happened between them on the beach.
"Thieves?" Feringal replied with a chuckle. "There are no thieves in Auckney. We have had no trouble here in many years, not since before I became lord."
"Then we are overdue," Priscilla replied dryly. "Would you have it that the first attack in Auckney in years happen upon the lord and his future wife? Have you no sense of responsibility toward the woman you say you love?"
That set Feringal back on his heels. Priscilla always seemed able to do that with just a few words. She made a mental note to remedy that situation as soon as she had a bit of power behind her.
" 'Twas my own fault," Meralda interrupted, moving between the siblings. "I'm often walking the night, my favorite time."
"You are no longer a common peasant," Priscilla scolded bluntly. "You must understand the responsibility that will accompany your ascent into the family."
"Yes, Lady Priscilla," Meralda replied, dipping a polite curtsey, head bowed.
"If you wish to walk at night, do so in the garden," Priscilla added, her tone a bit less harsh.
Meralda, head still bowed so that Priscilla could not see her face, smiled knowingly. She was beginning to figure out how to get to the woman. Priscilla liked a feisty target, not an agreeable, humble one.
Priscilla turned to leave with a frustrated huff.
"We have news," Lord Feringal said suddenly, stopping the woman short. Meralda's head shot up, her face flush with surprise and more than a little anger. She wanted to choke her intended's words back at that moment; this wasn't the time for the announcement.
"We have decided that we cannot wait until the spring to marry," the oblivious Feringal went on. "The wedding shall be on the day of the autumn equinox."
As expected, Priscilla's face turned bright red. It was obviously taking all of the woman's willpower to keep her from shaking. "Indeed," she said through clenched teeth. "And have you shared your news with Steward Temigast?"
"You're the first," Lord Feringal replied. "Out of courtesy, and since you are the one making the wedding preparations."
"Indeed," Priscilla said again with ice in her voice. "Do go tell him, Feri," she bade. "He is in the library. I will see that Meralda is escorted home."
That brought Lord Feringal rushing back to Meralda. "Not so long now, my love," he said. Gently kissing her knuckles, he strode away eagerly to find the steward.
"What did you do to him out there?" Priscilla snapped at Meralda as soon as her brother was gone.
Meralda pursed her lips. "Do?"
"You, uh, worked your charms upon him, didn't you?"
Meralda laughed out loud at Priscilla's efforts to avoid coarse language, a response the imposing Priscilla certainly did not expect. "Perhaps I should have," she replied. "Put a calming on the beast, we call it, but no, I didn't. I love him, you know, but my ma didn't raise a slut. Your brother's to marry me, and so we'll wait. Until the autumn equinox, by his own words."
Priscilla narrowed her eyes threateningly.
"You hate me for it," Meralda accused her bluntly. Priscilla was not prepared for that. Her eyes widened, and she fell back a step. "You hate me for taking your brother and disrupting the life you had set out for yourself, but I'm finding that to be a bit selfish, if I might be saying so. Your brother loves me and I him, and so we're to marry, with or without your blessings."
"How dare you-"
"I dare tell the truth," cut in Meralda, surprised at her own forwardness but knowing she could not back down. "My ma won't live the winter in our freezing house, and I'll not let her die. Not for the sake of what's proper, and not for your own troubles. I know you're doing the planning, and so I'm grateful to you, but do it faster."
"That is what this is all about, then?" Priscilla asked, thinking she had found a weakness here. "Your mother?"
" 'Tis about your brother," Meralda replied, standing straight, shoulders squared. "About Feringal and not about Priscilla, and that's what's got you so bound up."
Priscilla was so overwrought and surprised that she couldn't even force an argument out of her mouth. Flustered, she turned and fled, leaving Meralda alone in the foyer.
The young woman spent a long moment considering her own words, hardly able to believe that she had stood her ground with Priscilla. She considered her next move and thought it prudent to be leaving. She'd spotted Liam with the coach out front when she and Feringal had returned, so she went to him and bade him to take her home.
*****
He watched the coach travel down the road from the castle, as he did every time Meralda returned from another of her meetings with the lord of Auckney.
Jaka Sculi didn't know what to make of his own feelings. He kept thinking back to the moment when Meralda had told him about the child, about his child. He had rebuffed her, allowing his guard to slip so that his honest feelings showed clearly on his face. Now this was his punishment, watching her come back down the road from Castle Auck, from him.
What might Jaka have done differently? He surely didn't want the life Meralda had offered. Never that! The thought of marrying the woman, of her growing fat and ugly with a crying baby about, horrified him, but perhaps not as much as the thought of Lord Feringal having her.
That was it, Jaka understood now, though the rationalization did little to change what he felt in his heart. He couldn't bear the notion of Meralda lying down for the man, of Lord Feringal raising Jaka's child as if it were his own. It felt as if the man were stealing from him outright, as every lord in every town did to the peasants in more subtle ways. Yes, they always took from the peasants, from honest folk like Jaka. They lived in comfort, surrounded by luxury, while honest folk like Jaka broke their fingernails in the dirt and ate rotten food. They took the women of their choice, offering nothing of character, only wealth against which peasants like Jaka could not compete. Feringal took his woman, and now he would take Jaka's child.
Trembling with rage, Jaka impulsively ran down to the road waving his arms, bidding the coach to stop.
"Be gone!" Liam Woodgate called down from above, not slowing one bit.
"I must speak with Meralda," Jaka cried. "It is about her ma."
That made Liam slow the coach enough so that he could glance down and get Meralda's thoughts. The young woman poked her head out the coach window to learn the source of the commotion. Spotting an obviously agitated Jaka, she blanched but did not retreat.
"He wants me to stop so he can speak with you. Something about your ma," the coachman explained.
Meralda eyed Jaka warily. "I'll speak with him," she agreed. "You can stop and let me out here, Liam."
"Still a mile to your home," the gnome driver observed, none too happy about the disturbance. "I could be taking you both there," he offered.
Meralda thanked him and waved him away. "A mile I'll walk easy," she answered and was out the door before the coach had even stopped rolling, leaving her alone on the dark road with Jaka.
"You're a fool to be out here," Meralda scolded as soon as Liam had turned the coach around and rambled off. "What are you about?"
"I had no choice," Jaka replied, moving to hug her. She wished him away.
"You know what I'm carrying," the woman went on, "and so will Lord Feringal soon enough. If he puts you together with my child he'll kill us both."
"I'm not afraid of him," Jaka said, pressing toward her. "I know only how I feel, Meralda. I had no choice but to come to you tonight."
"You've made your feelings clear enough," the woman replied coldly.
"What a fool I was," Jaka protested. "You must understand what a shock the news was, but I'm over that. Forgive me, Meralda. I cannot live without your charity."
Meralda closed her eyes, her body swaying as she tried to digest it all. "What're you about, Jaka Sculi?" she asked again quietly. "Where's your heart?"
"With you," he answered softly, coming closer.
"And?" she prompted, opening her eyes to stare hard at him. He didn't seem to understand. "Have you forgotten the little one already then?" she asked.
"No," he blurted, catching on. "I'll love the child, too, of course."
Meralda found that she did not believe him, and her expression told him so.
"Meralda," he said, taking her hands and shaking his head. "I can't bear the thought of Lord Feringal raising my-our child as his own."
Wrong answer. All of Meralda's sensibilities, her eyes still wide open from her previous encounter with this boy, screamed the truth at her. It wasn't about his love for the child, or even his love for her. No, she realized, Jaka didn't have the capacity for such emotions. He was here now, pleading his love, because he couldn't stand the thought of being bested by Lord Feringal.
Meralda took a deep and steadying breath. Here was the man she thought she had loved saying all the things she'd once longed to hear. The two of them would be halfway to Luskan by now if Jaka had taken this course when she'd come to him. Meralda Ganderlay was a wiser woman now, a woman thinking of her own well-being and the welfare of her child. Jaka would never give them a good life. In her heart she knew he'd come to resent her and the child soon enough, when the trap of poverty held them in its inescapable grip. This was a competition, not love. Meralda deserved better.
"Be gone," she said to Jaka. "Far away, and don't you come back."
The man stood as if thunderstruck. "But-"
"There are no answers you can give that I'll believe," the woman went on. "There's no life for us that would keep you happy."
"You're wrong."
"No, I'm not, and you know it, too," Meralda said. "We had a moment, and I'll hold it dear for all of my life. Another moment revealed the truth of it all. You've no room in your life for me or the babe. You never will." What she really wanted to tell him was to go away and grow up, but he didn't need to hear that from her.
"You expect me to stand around quietly and watch Lord Feringal-"
Clapping her hands to her ears, Meralda cut him off. "Every word you speak takes away from my good memories. You've made your heart plain to me."
"I was a fool," Jaka pleaded.
"And so you still are," Meralda said coldly. She turned and walked away.
Jaka called after her, his cries piercing her as surely as an arrow, but she held her course and didn't look back, reminding herself every step of the truth of this man, this boy. She broke into a run and didn't stop until she reached her home.
A single candle burned in the common room. To her relief, her parents and Tori were all asleep, a merciful bit of news for her because she didn't want to talk to anyone at that time. She had resolved her feelings about Jaka at last, could accept the pain of the loss. She tried hard to remember the night of passion and not the disappointments that had followed, but those disappointments, the revelations about who this boy truly was, were the thing of harsh reality, not the dreamy fantasies of young lovers. She really did want him to just go away.
Meralda knew that she had another more pressing problem. The autumn equinox was too far away, but she understood that she would never convince Lord Feringal, let alone Priscilla and Temigast, to move the wedding up closer than that.
Perhaps she wouldn't have to, she thought as an idea came to her. The fiefdom would forgive them if they were married in the fall and it was somehow revealed that they had been making love beforehand. Auckney was filled with "seven month babies."
Lying in her dark room, Meralda nodded her head, knowing what she had to do. She would seduce Feringal again, and very soon. She knew his desires and knew, too, that she could blow them into flame with a simple kiss or brush of her hand.
Meralda's smile dissipated almost immediately. She hated herself for even thinking such a thing. If she did soon seduce Feringal he would think the child his own, the worst of all lies, for Feringal and for the child.
She hated the plan and herself for devising it, but then, in the other chamber, her mother coughed. Meralda knew what she had to do.
