“Okay.”
A moment later I was alone. Again! I threw myself down on the bed, trying to figure out what had just happened. Rafe wanted a relationship? I tried to picture it, but that was hard for me because I’d never had a boyfriend. There’d been Fucker Tanning, whom I’d thought of as my boyfriend. But that was just a myth he’d built for his stupid teenage fling. Then there was Graham, whom I hadn’t been dating, but in my heart I’d felt there was a future there.
Yeah. A perfect record for disaster.
Even if I told Rafe yes, it would be a temporary arrangement. In May we’d both be sad. And for what?
RAFE! my traitorous body screamed. Whenever he got near me, I felt him like a gravitational pull. Even in my lowest moments, I’d leaned into Rafe. That day in the deli — when he’d moved to block me from the view of those frat boys in the corner — the solid wall of his chest was something that I wanted to lay my head upon. And watching him teach me to merengue would make any girl dampen her panties.
He was the whole package. Sexy. Fun. Sexy. Kind. Loving. Sexy.
Did I mention sexy?
I groaned aloud. If he weren’t hung up about dating, we could be undressing each other right now. And so much more. The brief but combustible makeout session we’d had on his sofa only proved that our chemistry was a real. I definitely wanted more of that.
But Rafe wanted a commitment, followed by a break up at graduation.
And he thought I was the impulsive one?
I flopped over to bury my face in the pillow. If you wanted to be really philosophical about it, life was a temporary arrangement. So why get hung-up on relationships at all?
An angry knock sounded on the bathroom door.
“What?”
Lianne walked in. “Did I just hear Rafe leave?”
“Yep.”
“God, why?”
“He wants us to be a couple.”
Lianne clapped her hands. “Really? He’s delicious.”
“He is,” I agreed. “But I don’t think I can date him. I don’t do relationships. And I’m not sure I want to break my rule.”
Her forehead furrowed. “What does your heart say?”
“My heart is a traitorous bitch and a horrible judge of character.”
Lianne closed her eyes, then knocked her forehead three times into the bathroom door. “I swear to God, Bella.”
“What?”
She pinned me with a stare. “Here’s what we know about Rafe.” She ticked off the points on her tiny fingers. “He’s hot, he’s polite, he carried you up a flight of stairs, then stood guard over you like a video game dragon until you were back on your feet. He looks at you like you’re his own personal angel, and he does all of this without ever taking a shred of credit. If you weren’t attracted to him, that would be fine. But you are! So your heart had better get with the program.”
For a second I just blinked at her. It was easily the longest speech I’d ever heard Lianne make. “You make a few good points,” I said eventually.
She had the strangest look in her eye. It was a little wild and a little fierce. “Good guys like that are as rare as vampires on a sunny day, Bella. I’m not kidding.”
“I know,” I said quietly. It was true. And I was attracted to Rafe. So much. But it was hard for me to go there. The second I decided I loved someone, they always let me down.
She came all the way into the room and sat on the bed. “You sound afraid to be with him. And that’s not like you.”
“Yeah? If you’re so brave, what are you doing up here in Lonelyville with me?”
Lianne gave me the side eye. “I didn’t say I was brave. I’m a total chicken. But you’re with guys all the time…”
I snorted. Lianne still thought I was the biggest slut in the world.
She held up a hand. “Okay, that came out wrong. I just mean that you’re not intimidated. You know what to say to a guy. And Rafe’s the best one! So how is that tricky?”
“Because…” Lianne was not going to understand. “In order to be with him, it’s like I have to reform. I have to be the girl that everyone always told me to be.”
“Do you think Rafe is trying to reform you?” Lianne asked.
“No,” I said immediately. In my gut I knew it was true. He wanted what he wanted, and he wasn’t afraid to say so. “But the rest of the world would like to.”
Her young brow furrowed. “I get that. But it just comes down to the question of who matters more? If you want to be with Rafe, nobody else’s opinion should count.”