“I don’t know.”
Brenna smiled. “You should be. A baby! Remember how we used to talk about how many kids we’d have and how they’d all grow up playing with each other, like you, me, and Katie did? How we’d take them to that grove of trees and let them play dress-up? You’re having a baby!”
Francesca touched her still-flat stomach. “Honestly, Brenna, I don’t know what I feel. I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m worried. And if we’re going to have our kids all playing together, then you’d better get a bun in the oven of your own.”
Brenna grimaced. “That would require me having sex, and right now that’s not likely to happen. But with Katie getting married, there will be cousins for your little one.”
Brenna stopped talking and sucked in a breath. “You haven’t told Sam yet, have you?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what to say.”
Brenna stared at her. “How about something along the lines of ‘Hey, big guy. One of your little tadpoles got a bit too frisky.’ ”
Despite her emotional angst, she couldn’t help smiling. “You really want me to call him ‘big guy’ and refer to his sperm as tadpoles?”
“Maybe not.” Brenna turned toward the winery. “This is sure going to change your life.”
“Tell me about it.”
“So why haven’t you told him?” Brenna asked.
“A lot of reasons. For one thing, I’ve been in shock. We used a condom. I know they’re not a hundred percent effective, but having me get pregnant the first night seems really unfair.”
Brenna looked at her. “That’s a pretty lousy argument.”
“Agreed. I’m… scared. At first I didn’t want to say anything because he was dealing with Kelly showing up in his life and—”
Brenna swore. “Kelly! I’d forgotten all about her. Oh, kid, you are in big trouble. Practically the same week Sam finds out he’s the father of a teenager, you turn up pregnant. Talk about lousy timing.”
“You’re not making me feel better,” Francesca told her. “But you’re also right. That’s why I waited. I didn’t want to dump this on him, and I was still getting used to the idea myself. Then I found out we had a brother and it’s been crazy.”
“And?”
Francesca sighed. “And Sam is having a tough time adjusting to Kelly. She’s a great kid, but a handful. Last week he got really angry and said some things about her disrupting his life and how he didn’t ask for the responsibility.”
“If he doesn’t want Kelly, he’s not going to want your baby?”
Francesca wasn’t surprised Brenna understood. “Yeah. Plus, things have been really good with Sam and telling him is going to change all of that.”
“You think?”
“I’m so screwed,” Francesca muttered.
“You’re also not ’fessing up to the most important part.”
“What?”
Brenna stopped walking and faced her. “You don’t want to tell Sam because you don’t want to hear what he has to say. Not because he’s going to reject your child, but because you have this fantasy in mind. One in which he sweeps you off your feet and confesses undying love.”
Francesca rolled her eyes. “That’s so much bull.”
“Is it? You’re nearly as romantic as Katie. You’re like the middle child, seeing everyone’s point of view, rescuing the world. Sam is a great guy. After years of not wanting a man in your life, you finally hook up with him and he’s terrific. Sexy, smart, successful. It’s okay if you fall for him.”
“I didn’t fall for him. I don’t love him. I don’t want anything from him but sex. Now we’re having a child and that complicates everything.”
“No way,” Brenna told her. “The baby is just logistics. If you weren’t worried about getting hurt, you would have told him. You have to work out details like custody. If your heart weren’t engaged, stuff like that wouldn’t matter.”
Francesca didn’t like anything her sister was saying. “You’re wrong.”
“You don’t want to admit I’m right because it scares the crap out of you and because you don’t like me figuring out something about you that you couldn’t figure out yourself. It violates your view of yourself as psychologically superior.”
The verbal slam caught Francesca like a blow. “That is so unfair.”
Brenna shrugged. “It’s true. You planned this whole affair with Sam as if you were shopping for a wardrobe. Oh, you need a little black dress, so go to the stores until you find the right one. But this isn’t a dress. It’s sex. And you’re not shallow enough to give your body without your heart being engaged.”
“It’s not about being shallow. It’s about being sensible. I don’t want a man in my life right now.”
“According to you, you don’t want one ever. You’re afraid, Francesca. Like I said, it’s been twenty years since you were the dumb kid in class, but you can’t let that go. I remember you crying yourself to sleep because you felt stupid. And when you confessed your fears to our wonderful, caring Grandfather, he told you not to worry yourself. That you were so pretty some nice man would always be around to take care of you. Which Todd did and you hated.”
Francesca wanted to run away. Why was Brenna turning on her? What was going on?
“This is all old information, and it doesn’t have anything to do with Sam.”
“It has everything to do with Sam. You got scared, Francesca, and I don’t blame you. For so long you were afraid you couldn’t measure up. Todd acted as if you had the mental acuity of a stamp. He wanted you to shut up and look pretty, which you did. But you weren’t allowed to be a person. You’ve spent the last six years becoming your own person. Of course you’re afraid of being with a man again. All your life you’ve been told that only the men matter. That we have to take care of them. If you get involved with Sam, you risk losing yourself.”
“I’m not involved, and I haven’t lost myself.”
“You’re not going to lose yourself,” Brenna told her, obviously annoyed. “That’s my damn point. You’re not that insecure teenager anymore. You’re a successful woman. You’re confident and capable, and it’s okay to admit you care about Sam.”
“I don’t care!” Francesca yelled. “I’m not involved! I’m just pregnant!”
A sharp intake of air made them both turn. Francesca nearly fainted when she saw her grandfather standing not five feet away from them. She and Brenna had been so busy arguing, they hadn’t heard him approach.
Panic flared, and with it a sense of her life spinning out of control. Just when she’d decided it couldn’t get any worse, she was fighting with her sister and had just spilled her secret to the person least likely to keep it quiet.
“Don’t say a word,” she told her grandfather. “You didn’t hear that.”
The old man wasn’t the least bit impressed with her instructions.
“Is it Sam? That young man who was over at the party?”
She couldn’t lie and she didn’t want to tell the truth. “Grandpa, this is my problem and I’ll deal with it.”
His gaze narrowed. “Men who get women pregnant have a responsibility.”
“No. You’re not talking to Sam. I mean it. You’re not to say anything. I’ll handle this.”
“He should marry you.”
“No, he shouldn’t. And he doesn’t know about the baby yet, so don’t you even think about telling him. Grandpa, you can’t!”
It was like bargaining with the weather. No matter how much energy she put into the process, she had absolutely no control over the outcome.
He didn’t say anything. Instead he looked from her to Brenna, then turned and started for the winery.
Francesca folded her arms over her midsection. “This is bad. This is really, really bad.”
“It’s worse,” Brenna said. “Sam and Kelly have been invited to dinner tomorrow night.”
“I thought we’d head out to the mission,” Gabriel said as he settled on a kitchen chair.
Kelly put down her spoon and pushed her cereal bowl away. “You don’t have to worry about me,” she said. “I’ll be fine on my own.”
“Nonsense. You and I can take the day to get to know each other better.”
Kelly wasn’t sure about that. She thought her great-grandfather might like her more if they didn’t get to know each other. “The new nanny starts the day after tomorrow. With my dance class canceled for the day, I can just hang out. You don’t have to bother.”
“It’s no bother.” Gabriel leaned his cane against the table. “I’ve made reservations for a boat cruise this afternoon. It goes over to the Channel Islands. They’re just south of here.”
She eyed the tall, white-haired man sitting across from her. She could kind of see bits of her dad in him. Gabriel wasn’t exactly friendly, but he wasn’t too scary. The odd-smelling Doreen’s last day had been the previous Friday. Sam had stayed home yesterday, and Gabriel was with her today, while Francesca was taking the Wednesday shift. Kelly had lobbied for Francesca to take care of her the whole week, but Sam had said they’d bothered her enough already.
Kelly didn’t like the sound of that. She’d thought Sam was interested in Francesca and that they might want to get married or something. Kelly wouldn’t mind having Francesca around more. Sometimes her dad was okay, but sometimes he made her crazy.
Now she had a grandfather to deal with.
“Are you going to be all right on a boat?” she asked. “Is it safe?”
Gabriel drew his bushy, white eyebrows together. “Are you saying I’m too old to go on a boat?”
“I don’t know. Are you?”
“I’ll have you know, young lady, I’ve forgotten more about boats than you’ll ever learn.”
“If you’ve forgotten it, then you’re not going to be much help, are you?”
The words were out before Kelly could stop them. She flinched slightly, waiting for Gabriel to get mad. Sam would never believe it, but she’d really been working hard to think before she spoke. With Tanya nothing had ever mattered because her mother was too busy with her own life to care. But here things seemed to be different. Fortunately Gabriel only chuckled.
“Good point,” he said with a grin. “Good news that I’m not the captain, eh?”
She nodded.
“You been on a boat before?” he asked.
“One of the maids took me on that tour around Manhattan once. It was pretty cool to see the whole city that way.”
“Where was your mother while this was going on?”
“I don’t know. Out, I guess.”
He frowned. “You miss her?”
Kelly considered the question. “It’s weird to be here instead of there, you know? But miss her?” She shrugged.
Not really. She’d never spent any time with Tanya. The staff were always taking her places, not her mother.
Here it was different. Sam was in her face all the time, but he wasn’t so bad. Maybe he didn’t spoil her, and she really hated not having a DVD player, but they had some good times. They’d started going out to dinner a few nights a week. Different places with different kinds of food. And they’d gone to the movies. He’d refused to take her shopping, but he’d promised the next nanny would. And honestly, thinking of Sam in the teen department of a mall store was kind of funny.
“Your father’s a good man,” Gabriel said.