“You expect me to believe that?”
“It doesn’t matter. Being my best friend does not give you the right to dictate how I handle my relationships.”
The vise constricting her heart tightened until Zoe thought she could not breathe. “It’s already a relationship? I thought this was your first date.”
He sighed. “That’s not the point.”
Zoe shoved away from him, breaking his hold on her arms. “You’re right. The point is that I need to leave. Who knows? Maybe you can still salvage your evening with Carlene. At her place.”
She spun around. Checking to make sure Bud was not waiting to make a break for outside, she yanked open the door and rushed out. She could not get away from Grant fast enough. He called her name, but she ignored it. She had already made an utter fool of herself. She wasn’t going back for more.
She barely remembered her drive back to the Pattersons’. Her mind was filled with Grant’s words. She fought against the truth, but finally had to accept it. Being his best friend did not give her the right to judge his actions or his relationships.
It didn’t give her the right to try to seduce him either. Even if he was the only man she could seriously contemplate making love to.
She let herself into the house and then let the cats out of the bathroom. They followed her to the bedroom, obviously too sleepy to punish her for leaving them in the bathroom with their usual aloof behavior. She undressed. Climbing under the covers, she called the cats to her. Mercifully, they both came willingly and cuddled against her. She needed their warmth. She felt so cold inside. So lost.
Animals had always been safe. Safer than people. For as long as Zoe could remember she had trusted her animal friends to give her the unconditional acceptance she craved and did not receive from the people around her. Everyone but Grant. It hurt, but she had to face facts. If she insisted on crossing the line into intimacy, she could very well lose the one person she could not bear to do without.
“I made a big mistake.” She stroked Alexander’s silky fur. He began to purr, the soft sound vibrating through Zoe’s fingertips. “I went ballistic on Grant over his plans with his date tonight. And it wasn’t any of my business.”
So much for her idea to satisfy her lust for Grant and keep her heart out of it. Her reaction tonight proved her heart was involved on some level, though she refused to even contemplate the prospect that she might still be in love with Grant.
No. She’d been jealous, but it was a sexual jealousy. That was all. Not love. Never again. No way.
She shifted so she could pet both Princess and Alexander as she thought about her time over at Grant’s.
He had a rule against kissing her.
He’d wanted to have Carlene for dessert.
How could Zoe compete with a woman who spray-painted herself into her clothes? Even if she could compete physically, did she want to? She’d thought she did, but if her behavior tonight was an indication of how she might respond when the physical relationship ended, she knew she couldn’t risk it.
Not when it meant risking her friendship with Grant.
She’d really messed up, and she was scared to death she was going to lose her best friend. Tears that she hated to shed in front of others trickled down Zoe’s face.
Grant loved her like a sister, and if she was smart he always would. If she tried to force him into a relationship he did not want, she would lose him. The cold that had begun to dissipate rushed back with arctic force. She would not lose the only person in her life who accepted her for who she was.
First thing tomorrow, she’d call Grant and apologize. Then she’d start looking more seriously for a place to live. He was the very best friend she had in the world, and the time had come for her to start acting like it.
Grant scraped the last of the uneaten dinner in the garbage. Why had he let Zoe leave believing he’d wanted to play dessert games with Carlene? The look of disappointment on her face had slammed into him like a drunk on Saturday night at the Dry Gulch.
One thing he had always taken for granted was Zoe’s admiration. He would never forget the heady sensation of her adoration that first time he had met her and rescued her pet cow from being sold for beef. It had not been long before he had gotten addicted to that adoring gaze, and darned if he would not do just about anything to see that look in Zoe’s eyes.
What demon had prompted him to tell Zoe his personal life was none of her business? All he’d had to tell her was that the whole dessert thing had been Carlene’s little surprise and he had not been interested. Instead, he had as much as told Zoe that he’d planned to follow through with it. Hell, he had even implied a relationship, when that was the last thing he wanted with Carlene—or any other woman for that matter.