"In the meantime, however busy and full I was of my new engagement with
the Queen, I still kept fair with Madam de Themines by a natural
inclination which it was not in my power to conquer; I thought she
cooled in her love to me, and whereas, had I been prudent, I should
have made use of the change I observed in her for my cure, my love
redoubled upon it, and I managed so ill that the Queen got some
knowledge of this intrigue.
Jealousy is natural to persons of her
nation, and perhaps she had a greater affection for me than she even
imagined herself; at least the report of my being in love gave her so
much uneasiness, that I thought myself entirely ruined with her;
however I came into favour again by virtue of submissions, false oaths,
and assiduity; but I should not have been able to have deceived her
long, had not Madam de Themines's change disengaged me from her against
my will; she convinced me she no longer loved me, and I was so
thoroughly satisfied of it, that I was obliged to give her no further
uneasiness, but to let her be quiet.
Some time after she wrote me this
letter which I have lost; I learned from it, she had heard of the
correspondence I had with the other woman I told you of, and that that
was the reason of her change. As I had then nothing further left to
divide me, the Queen was well enough satisfied with me; but the
sentiments I have for her not being of a nature to render me incapable
of other engagements, and love not being a thing that depends on our
will, I fell in love with Madam de Martigues, of whom I was formerly a
great admirer, while she was with Villemontais, maid of honour to the
Queen-Dauphin.
I have reason to believe she does not hate me; the
discretion I observe towards her, and which she does not wholly know
the reasons of, is very agreeable to her; the Queen has not the least
suspicion on her account, but she has another jealousy which is not
less troublesome; as Madam de Martigues is constantly with the
Queen-Dauphin, I go there much oftener than usual; the Queen imagines
that 'tis this Princess I am in love with; the Queen-Dauphin's rank,
which is equal to her own, and the superiority of her youth and beauty,
create a jealousy that rises even to fury, and fills her with a hatred
against her daughter-in-law that cannot be concealed.
The Cardinal of Loraine, who, I believe has been long aspiring to the Queen's favour,
and would be glad to fill the place I possess, is, under pretence of
reconciling the two Queens, become master of the differences between
them; I doubt not but he has discovered the true cause of the Queen's
anger, and I believe he does me all manner of ill offices, without
letting her see that he designs it. This is the condition my affairs
are in at present; judge what effect may be produced by the letter
which I have lost, and which I unfortunately put in my pocket with
design to restore it to Madam de Themines: if the Queen sees this
letter, she will know I have deceived her; and that almost at the very
same time that I deceived her for Madam de Themines, I deceived Madam
de Themines for another; judge what an idea this will give her of me,
and whether she will ever trust me again. If she does not see the
letter, what shall I say to her?