Now she was incredibly glad.
“Sebastian?”
“Hmm?”
“I need a minute,” she said and slipped away, into the bathroom.
She’d made love without being completely honest, but at least she’d used birth control. That made it okay, didn’t it?
Still, Jane wasn’t sure her conscience was totally clear…
How was it that she’d wound up in bed with Sebastian again? She’d said good-night, locked her door and gone to her room alone. Could she help it that he’d returned when she least expected? That he knew exactly how to break down her resistance?
Hearing him in the kitchen, she allowed herself a muffled groan of frustration as she rolled onto her side. It wasn’t his fault. Just the way he looked at her could demolish her defenses. She obviously hadn’t changed as much as she wanted to believe. After spending five years proving to Wendy, and to herself, that she possessed some restraint, she’d once again been humbled by her own shortcomings.
“Hey, breakfast is ready.” Sebastian poked his head into the room.
Jane was facing away from the door. “I’m not hungry.”
She thought he’d gone back to eat until he spoke again. “We’re both consenting adults, Jane. And neither one of us is in a committed relationship. We haven’t hurt anyone.”
He knew she was berating herself, but he didn’t understand why.
Dragging the blankets with her, she sat up. “I’ve never had a tubal ligation, Sebastian.”
He straightened. “What?”
“I could be fertile.” How was that for dropping a bomb?
“You mean this morning-”
She waved her hand. “I used a Shield this morning. I’m talking about last time.”
Propping one shoulder against the door, he rubbed the beard growth on his chin. “Why’d you tell me otherwise?”
“Because it was too late to take back what we’d done, and I was the one who wouldn’t let you stop. I figured it was my problem, so I’d pay the consequences. But I didn’t think we’d…I never dreamed we’d be together again. I used birth control this morning, but we both know the barrier methods aren’t as absolutely reliable as a tubal ligation. I feel like-” she raked her fingers through her hair “-it’s not right for me to be making the decision to take that chance on my own.”
He studied her. “For the record, I would’ve gone for it,” he said.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that if you’d told me you hadn’t had your tubes tied before we made love this morning, but said you had a Shield, I would’ve wanted to continue.”
That was a nice thing to say, to take partial responsibility. She couldn’t help being impressed. But did he truly realize that using a Shield this morning didn’t change the fact that she might already be pregnant? Why wasn’t he angry that she’d taken such a huge risk without warning him? “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking.”
“I like it when you’re not thinking,” he said with a grin.
She smiled back. “So what’s for breakfast?”
Eighteen
Wearing only his jeans, Sebastian held his coffee cup loosely. He was sitting at the breakfast table with Jane, trying to figure out why she made him feel better when Constance always made him feel worse. It made no sense. There’d been times over the past few months when his former girlfriend had wanted to make love and he’d had no interest, times she’d begged him to open up and talk and he’d been unable to do so.
But it was different with Jane. Was it because she understood what he felt without his having to explain? That was part of it, but he liked too much about her to pin his feelings exclusively on her understanding. Mary had kids. She understood, too. But he hadn’t been attracted to her.
“So what are we going to do about Malcolm?” Jane asked.
He’d just told her about the e-mail Malcolm had sent Mary, Mary’s response and the intruder she’d subsequently had at her house. “I don’t know.”
“I mean, Mary can’t go back home.”
Setting down his coffee cup, he leaned back and stretched out his legs. “No, not until we’re sure Malcolm has moved on.”
“What makes you think he’ll move on?”
“Escape is his best option in terms of risk management.”
“But killers don’t necessarily think logically. You’ve chased him all over kingdom come. Maybe he’s planning to put a stop to it here.”
The fact that Malcolm had broken into Mary’s house suggested he wasn’t willing to let her betrayal go unpunished. But Malcolm was basically a coward. Sebastian had always believed it, and he believed it more than ever now. “You think he might try to get rid of me and Mary?”
She added some cream to her coffee. “That’s what Oliver would do. He’d stay until he tied up the loose ends, then he’d move on.”
Malcolm wasn’t the same kind of killer. But he was definitely the kind of man who’d hold a grudge. And this was growing more personal by the day. “As long as he comes after me and not Mary, I wouldn’t mind. I’d rather put an end to it, too.”
“One way or another.”
“It’s not a death wish. I’m just tired of living like this.”
The phone rang before she could comment. While she answered, Sebastian started clearing away the dishes.
“Don’t make Grandma drive all the way over here,” she said into the phone. “I’ll bring it to school.” She listened for a bit. “You want to what?”
Sebastian glanced over his shoulder and found her watching him. When their eyes met, she turned away.
“No, I’ll bring it to you…Because you don’t need to come home right now…I’ll feed your hamster. I do that when you’re gone on the weekends, don’t I?…Kate, it’ll make you late for school…I said I’ll bring it, okay?…I love you…Bye.”
“Kate forget something?” he asked as she hung up.
“Yeah, but it’s not a problem. I can drop it off at the school.”
He leaned against the counter. “You seem a little rattled.”
She set the phone on the counter. “I’m just wondering what I would’ve done if they’d shown up here without calling first,” she said with a nervous laugh. “Can you imagine? I haven’t even gone on a date since her father was killed.”