“I love you so much, Shane.” I looked down at my hand, not able to believe that this was really happening.
“You mean more to me than anything is this world. I can’t wait to come home and spend the rest of my life with you. Now neither of us has to worry about what will happen when I come back.”
“I wish I could kiss you.” I laughed as I ran my fingers over my cheek to catch my tears.
“Don’t look at me!” Jake rose to his feet and held his hands in the air as we all laughed at him.
Jenn
August 13, 2010, 9:30 a.m.
“You look fine.” May smiled at me as she placed her hand on my belly.
“I’m so nervous. This whole thing has been so surreal.”
“Trust me, when you see your baby on that screen and know whether it is a son or daughter, it will all become real. That is if you ever make it to the appointment.” May laughed and checked the silver watch on her wrist.
“Message received. Let me just grab a snack.” I hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a cereal bar from the cupboard.
“That baby is going to be a full-on adult if you don’t quit eating so much.” May laughed, following me into the kitchen and leaning against the doorway.
“Well, he gets his appetite from his daddy.” I smiled sadly as I thought of Shane on the other side of the world.
“You said he.”
“I like the idea of a little Shane running around. I could hug him whenever I want.” A tear slipped from my eye and ran down my cheek. My chin quivered as I struggled to be strong. Deployments are hard on everyone, but they are torture on a pregnant woman.
“Oh, honey. He will be home soon. Let’s go find out the good news so you can tell him the next time he calls, okay?” May slipped her arm around my shoulders and slowly walked me toward the door. I nodded, wiping away the dampness from my cheek.
Shane
August 13, 2010, 9:30 a.m.
“So the drill sergeant says, ‘All you idiots fall out!’ All the soldiers took off and one stayed. So the drill sergeant walks over to the soldier and raises an eyebrow and the soldier says, ‘Sure was a lot of ‘em!’” Owens laughed as we stepped inside the small shop filled with hookahs and flavored tobacco.
“You told me that one before.” I looked over my shoulder before stepping inside and running my fingers over one of the pieces of colored glass. “You think Jenn would like one of these?”
“What the hell is a pregnant woman going to do with a hookah?” He laughed as he looked around.
“For decoration. I thought it would be nice to send something home for her.”
“You sent home the tea set. My mom loved the one I got her. She won’t shut up about it every damn time I call.”
A loud popping sound got our attention and with our hands on our weapons, we made our way to the door. I motioned to Owens and we exited the building, ready for a fight.
Jenn
August 13, 2010, 10:15 a.m.
“I’m here for my appointment at ten thirty,” I spoke through the glass window at Dr. Bosque’s office.
“Fill out this form and have a seat over there. We will call you back when we are ready,” the receptionist replied, handing me a clipboard.
“Thanks.” I turned around and smiled at May as they made their way to the row of seats along the wall.
“I should have brought a snack.” I groaned as I sat down in the blue plastic chair, my hand falling on my round belly.
“You had a snack before we left and we had fast food on the way.” May laughed as she grabbed a magazine from the coffee table and began to flip through the pages.
“That doesn’t count. My fish sandwich smelled weird and the fries were too salty.”
“You make it through this appointment without making me run for takeout, and I will buy you food from any drive-through your heart desires, sunshine.” As soon as the word slipped from her lips, May closed her eyes and wished she could take it back. “I’m sorry. I know he used to called you that.”
“Does call me that. Don’t say it like it’s in the past. He’s coming home.”
“I know.” May smiled and placed her hand on my belly, grinning from ear to ear. “I think it’s a girl.”
“I think it’s a sumo wrestler with a cheese fry fetish.”
“Cheese fries it is.”
“Ms. Reynolds?” A nurse in Disney scrubs called from the door next to the reception window. I smiled and stood up, grabbing May’s hand as she followed suit. “This way, ladies.”
I was so excited to finally be able to put a name to our baby. I hated referring to him or her as an it. I couldn’t wait to be able to give Shane the good news. It had been all he talked about for the last week. I was terrified to become a parent. I didn’t want to be like mine, but I wasn’t sure how to raise a child. Shane was the opposite. He knew everything was going to be all right. He didn’t doubt us.
I climbed onto the long chair as I pulled up my shirt, staring nervously at May who was grinning from ear to ear. The nurse squeezed some clear gel on my stomach and I jumped at the coldness.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s cold.” She smiled as she turned her attention back to her black-and-white screen. As soon as the device touched my belly and my baby came into view on the computer screen, I began to cry. I had been waiting for this moment for so long.
“I’m just going to be taking some measurements and we will listen to the heartbeat.”
I watched as she twisted and turned her wrist, looking at the baby from different angles, making sure it was healthy and growing as expected.
After a few minutes, the familiar sound of the heartbeat filled the room. It sounded more like a washing machine, but it was my favorite noise in the entire world.
“Do you want to know the sex?” She turned to me with a grin, and I looked to May.
“Hell yes, we want to know!” May was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. She was hoping it would be a girl so she would finally be able to dress a baby up in bows.
“Yes,” I said with a nod as the technician moved the device around before freezing a picture on the screen.
“You are having…a little boy.” She grinned as she explained what we were looking at on the screen.
I clasped my hand over my mouth to keep from squealing. At that very moment in time, I felt like a mother. A mother with a tiny little son that I would spend the rest of my life protecting. It all became real. I couldn’t wait to show the pictures to Shane so he could have that same feeling.
I wiped the goo from my stomach as the technician printed out a final picture and held them out for me. May took them and carefully slid them into her purse.
“You can have them when you stop crying. We don’t want your tears messing up the picture,” she said with a wink. My mind was racing trying to figure out what our child would look like. I hoped he would have Shane’s face.
“I’ll drive us back to your place. We can hang out and watch a movie while you wait for Shane to call. Should only be a few more hours.”
“Sounds good. No war movies or chick flicks. I am going to dehydrate if I keep crying at this rate.” I laughed as we made our way out to Shane’s car. I slipped into the passenger seat and waited for May to get in.
“Do you think a car seat will fit in the back?” I asked as I pulled the seatbelt around me and clicked it into place.
“I’m sure we could get one in here.” She nodded and pulled out onto the road. We hit the drive-through on the way. They didn’t have cheese fries so I settled for curly fries and a Coke. May and I discussed boy names the entire trip to my apartment. I wanted to name the baby after Shane but wasn’t sure how he would feel about it.
I wondered what he was doing right then. I was sure he was playing cards with Owens and ragging on him about his horrible taste in women. Not much was going on anymore, according to Shane, so I didn’t worry as much as I did when he first left for Iraq. The hardest part was being separated. Another deployment was always in the back of my mind, but Shane assured me that they had a long dwell time in between deployments and by then, the wars could be over.
I climbed the stairs to my apartment with May close behind. I couldn’t wait to move out of this place and start our new life together as a family in North Carolina, preferably a place with no steps and a large yard where Roxy and the baby could play.
I unlocked the door and Roxy jumped up on me, happy to not be alone.
“You want me to take her for a walk?” May asked as she pushed Roxy off me and petted her head.
“If you wouldn’t mind. She hasn’t been out all day.”
“Of course I don’t mind. I’ll run her out and you pick a movie.”
I made my way into the living room and grabbed the leash for May while I decided what movie we should watch. I decided on Remember Me. I knew it would make me cry, but it would also remind me of the time I went to see it with Shane. Memories are all I have until he comes home.
I set up the movie and made a bag of popcorn by the time May arrived. It was nice to have someone to spend time with. Roxy was great company, but I needed someone to talk to who could actually respond.
The movie was amazing and we were so wrapped up in it that we almost didn’t notice it was time for dinner.
“I’m so sorry. I need to start cooking or the boys will be up late. School starts back up soon and I need to get them on some semblance of a schedule.”
“It’s no problem. I’ll watch the end of the movie. Shane should be calling soon anyway.” I gave May a hug before locking the door and plopping back down on the couch to watch the scene where the boy dies in the Twin Towers and my heart breaks into a million pieces. That scene, that real life, terrifying event, was the reason the man I loved was off at war. I turned off the television and went to my bedroom to lie down until Shane called. I was exhausted from running all day and had barely slept last night because I was too excited to find out what I was having.
I placed my hand on my belly and closed my eyes, dreaming of the day in the theater with Shane.
I awoke three hours later, searching the bed for my cell phone, which was right next to me. I unlocked the screen to check for missed calls but there were none. I dialed May’s house and chewed on my nail as I waited for her to answer.
“Hello?” Jake said into the receiver.
“Hey, Jake. Has Shane called you? He normally has called by now.”
“No, we haven’t heard from him, but you know he can’t call every day.”
“What if something happened?”
“You’re worrying for no reason. You know he will call as soon as he gets a free minute. If you want, you can come stay here. May was going on and on about the movie you two watched together today. She really wants to see how it ended.”
“Thanks.” I put my hand on my forehead and sighed, trying to calm myself down. “I think I’ll stay here tonight. He’s probably working out.”
“The offer stands. Talk to you later.”
“Bye.” I hung up the phone and dropped it on the bed as I mentally counted down from twenty. When I talk to Shane later, he is going to lecture me about getting upset for no reason and stressing out our baby. I smiled as I pushed from the bed and stretched. He worried more than I did.
I did everything I could to make the evening pass by as quickly as possible. By eleven, I had finished my laundry, washed the dishes, and made a list of baby names to go over with Shane, who still hadn’t called.
I could barely keep my eyes open and decided it was best to get some rest just in case he called in the middle of the night. I changed into one of Shane’s T-shirts that I had yet to wash and crawled back into bed.
Jenn
Aug. 14, 2010, Day Two of Blackout
I pulled on my pants, nearly falling over, so I could answer the phone.
“Hello,” I answered breathlessly, hoping to hear Shane’s voice.
“I think you should come over.” May’s voice didn’t sound right. She wasn’t her normal snarky self.
“What’s wrong? Tell me now.” I sat down on the bed as my mind raced with all of the possibilities.
“Nothing is wrong. I just need to talk to you. Did you talk to Shane last night?”
“No. He never called.” I ran my hand through my hair trying to get the tangles out of it from a night of tossing and turning.
“I’m sure he will call soon. When can you come?”
I looked over at the clock as I chewed the inside of my cheek.
“I can be there in a few minutes. I just need to grab something to eat.”
“Come here. I’ll cook you breakfast.”
Something was definitely off with May, but I couldn’t argue with free breakfast. May was an excellent cook.
“I’ll be right over.” I hung up and made my way into the bathroom to brush my teeth before pulling on my tennis shoes. I gave Roxy a kiss on the head and promised her I would be back soon.
The entire drive to May’s house I wondered what could be so important that she couldn’t just tell me over the phone. I hoped that she and Jake were finally going to have another baby. They have been trying for so long, and I don’t know two more loving or deserving parents.
I knocked on the front door and let myself in. May was over the stove frying up scrambled eggs and bacon. As soon as the smell hit my nose, I felt like I was starving.
“That smells great, May.” I gave her a smile as I made my way into the kitchen.
“Have a seat at the table. I’m just finishing up now.”
I sat down at the table and drummed my fingers on the wood, staring at my cell phone. May set a steaming-hot plate of food in front of me and gave me a weak smile before sitting down across from me.