I didn’t pay attention to where I was going, up one sidewalk and down another, lapping the entire campus as the minutes ticked by. After a while, my legs began to feel like they were made of lead instead of muscle. My lungs ached from exertion, and I knew as soon as I stopped I would have a coughing fit.
But I didn’t stop. I pressed on and on. In the rare moments when I allowed myself to think, I knew that what I really wanted was to go home to my dad. To run back to my old life. To be normal again, an ordinary. Not some kind of monster that could kill you in your sleep.
It was impossible. Even if I woke up tomorrow as magically sterile as most other halfkinds, I couldn’t just step back into my old life as if I was only pulling on a pair of comfortable shoes. It didn’t fit anymore. Too many holes, too much damage.
Sometime later, long after the sun had set, I slowed to a walk and made my way back to Riker Hall. I took a long, hot shower, grateful to have the community bath to myself for once. By the time I returned to the dorm room, Selene was asleep. I didn’t bother checking to see if I’d missed any calls. I knew I hadn’t.
I went to bed and fell asleep in minutes, physically and emotionally exhausted. And I, the Nightmare, slept without dreaming.
12
Cop Out
The next two weeks passed with little incident. For the first time in my life I was maintaining a low profile, keeping my head down and my nose out of trouble. Mostly, I didn’t want to risk bumping into Paul or even spotting him from afar. I was avoiding Eli, too. I managed to show up a half hour late to all our dream-sessions, ensuring he was asleep by the time I got there. He tried to talk to me inside the dreams, but I was able to disguise myself more often than not.
Avoiding him during school wasn’t too hard, either. Katarina was taking care of it for me. Every time he tried to talk to me or even when he looked at me, Katarina was there, forcing his attention back to her.
Even Lance had been quiet. I suspected he was waiting for me to pull the next prank, but I wasn’t interested in playing that game anymore. No trouble for me from now on, thanks.
The Friday before the Samhain dance, Selene and I lined up outside the gymnasium with the rest of the student body waiting to be let in for the school assembly about the significance of Samhain. Selene warned me it was dull stuff, but I was looking forward to the early dismissal afterward. Not that I had any reason to be excited about the weekend. The dance was tomorrow night, and I didn’t have a date.
A few feet ahead of us, Katarina stood talking to one of her snooty friends, a witch named Carla Petermeier. Didn’t take long for me to realize they were talking about me. I wanted to ignore them but couldn’t.
“Did she really try to seduce him?” said Carla, flashing me a dirty look.
“Oh, yes. You know how Nightmares are,” said Katarina. “Think they’re succubi, don’t they? She came to their last dream-session wearing lingerie. As if Eli would ever look at her when he has me.”
Selene punched me in the shoulder, and whispered, “Don’t listen to them. Kat’s just jealous and insecure.”
“You think so?” I whispered back in my most sarcastic tone.
“Yes, I do. You share a connection with Eli that she can never have.”
I wrinkled my nose. “The only thing we share is an hour’s worth of boring, pointless dreams.” This wasn’t precisely true, but I’d decided it was up to Lady Elaine and the senate to judge the significance of Eli’s dreams. I was just the observer. “Eli doesn’t even talk to me or anything.”
“That’s just because you’re avoiding him.” Selene made a face. “Oh, don’t pretend it’s not true. Eli’s attracted to you. I can tell. He stares at you when he doesn’t think you’re looking. I’ve caught him doing it a bunch, and I’m sure Katarina has, too.”
My stomach did a little flip at the idea, but I ignored it. It couldn’t possibly be true. Selene was just trying to make me feel better.
“And it doesn’t matter anyway,” Selene said, shaking her head. “She would hate you regardless.”
I huffed. “What did I ever do to deserve that? I mean, besides the stupid snake incident.”
“That’s just it.” Selene poked me in the shoulder with her index finger. “You did the worst thing possible to a siren. You made her unattractive in the eyes of others. I mean, she ate worms.”
I couldn’t resist a smile. It had been pretty gross.
“And you might find this hard to believe, but Katarina really is insecure. She can’t help it. A lot of us—sirens, that is—are insecure. It’s kind of our Achilles’ heel.” Selene tucked a piece of black hair that had come loose from her braid behind her ear. “We can’t help being attractive, but it’s not really us but our magic. You know? Makes it hard to be certain that the people around us like us for who we are and not because of what we look like or how we make them feel.”
I blinked, completely surprised by her speech. It was so unlike her to be so open. And even though she was talking about Katarina, I knew she was talking about herself, too.
“Besides,” Selene went on, a slight flush in her cheeks. “You’re really pretty and smart and funny and it’s all you. Not magic. Katarina can’t help but be jealous about that. And she knows sooner or later that Eli will figure out the difference, too. It’s inevitable.”
I rolled my eyes, embarrassed by the compliment.