And constant, I put forth my soul to hark; so that my health failed me,
with the effort of my harking; and I would chide my being, that I had
not a wiser control; and so make a fight to do sanely.
Yet, day by day, did my heart grow more weary and restless; for, indeed,
it did seem that life was but a very little matter, against so great a
loss as my heart did feel to suffer.
And oft, at this time and that, did there come a Voice speaking plainly
out of the night, and did purport to be the voice of Naani; but ever I
did say the Master-Word unto the Voice, and the Voice had no power by
which it could make the one answer. Yet I jeered not at the Voice, to
show contempt of its failing to bewit me; but let the matter bide; and
the Voice would be silent a time; and again would make a calling unto
me; but never did I make speech with it (for therein lies the danger to
the soul), but always did speak the Master-Word to its silencing; and
thereafter would shut the thing from my memory, and think only upon
sweet and holy matters, as it might be Truth and Courage, but more often
of Naani, which was both sweet and holy to my spirit and heart and
being. And so it was as I have set down, there were Monsters without in the
Night that did torment me; having, it may be, intent to lure me unto
destruction; or indeed it doth chance that they had no hope but to
plague me with malice.
And, as may be thought, all this considering of my trouble, and the
giving of my strength unto Naani through the night of the world, that
she might have comfort and help, did work upon me; so that I grew thin,
plainly to the eye of those that loved me.
And the Master Monstruwacan, he that did love me, as I were his son,
chid me gently, and had wise speech with me; so that I but loved him the
more, yet without having gain of health; for my heart destroyed me, as
it doth if love be held back and made always to weep.
And it may be thought strange that my Mother and my Father did not talk
also with me; but I had neither Mother nor Father those many years; and
this thing I should have set down early; so that none should waste
thought pondering to no end. But the blame is to my telling.