"Yes?"

"Suppose you discovered that woman to be utterly unworthy of you?

Suppose you were quite convinced that it was a disgrace to you to waste

another thought on her? Suppose the bare idea of ever marrying such a

person made your face burn, only with thinking of it."

"Yes?"

"And, suppose, in spite of all that--you couldn't tear her from your

heart? Suppose the feeling she had roused in you (in the time when you

believed in her) was not a feeling to be hidden? Suppose the love this

wretch had inspired in you? Oh, how can I find words to say it in! How

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can I make a MAN understand that a feeling which horrifies me at myself,

can be a feeling that fascinates me at the same time? It's the breath

of my life, Godfrey, and it's the poison that kills me--both in one!

Go away! I must be out of my mind to talk as I am talking now. No! you

mustn't leave me--you mustn't carry away a wrong impression. I must say

what is to be said in my own defence. Mind this! HE doesn't know--he

never will know, what I have told you. I will never see him--I don't

care what happens--I will never, never, never see him again! Don't ask

me his name! Don't ask me any more! Let's change the subject. Are you

doctor enough, Godfrey, to tell me why I feel as if I was stifling for

want of breath? Is there a form of hysterics that bursts into words

instead of tears? I dare say! What does it matter? You will get over any

trouble I have caused you, easily enough now. I have dropped to my right

place in your estimation, haven't I? Don't notice me! Don't pity me! For

God's sake, go away!"

She turned round on a sudden, and beat her hands wildly on the back of

the ottoman. Her head dropped on the cushions; and she burst out crying.

Before I had time to feel shocked, at this, I was horror-struck by an

entirely unexpected proceeding on the part of Mr. Godfrey. Will it

be credited that he fell on his knees at her feet?--on BOTH knees, I

solemnly declare! May modesty mention that he put his arms round her

next? And may reluctant admiration acknowledge that he electrified her

with two words?

"Noble creature!"

No more than that! But he did it with one of the bursts which have made

his fame as a public speaker. She sat, either quite thunderstruck, or

quite fascinated--I don't know which--without even making an effort to

put his arms back where his arms ought to have been. As for me, my sense

of propriety was completely bewildered. I was so painfully uncertain

whether it was my first duty to close my eyes, or to stop my ears, that

I did neither. I attribute my being still able to hold the curtain in

the right position for looking and listening, entirely to suppressed

hysterics. In suppressed hysterics, it is admitted, even by the doctors,

that one must hold something.




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