Well, there I was in clover, you will say. Placed in a position of trust

and honour, with a little cottage of my own to live in, with my rounds

on the estate to occupy me in the morning, and my accounts in the

afternoon, and my pipe and my ROBINSON CRUSOE in the evening--what more

could I possibly want to make me happy? Remember what Adam wanted when

he was alone in the Garden of Eden; and if you don't blame it in Adam,

don't blame it in me.

The woman I fixed my eye on, was the woman who kept house for me at my

cottage. Her name was Selina Goby. I agree with the late William Cobbett

about picking a wife. See that she chews her food well and sets her foot

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down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right. Selina

Goby was all right in both these respects, which was one reason for

marrying her. I had another reason, likewise, entirely of my own

discovering. Selina, being a single woman, made me pay so much a week

for her board and services. Selina, being my wife, couldn't charge for

her board, and would have to give me her services for nothing. That was

the point of view I looked at it from. Economy--with a dash of love. I

put it to my mistress, as in duty bound, just as I had put it to myself.

"I have been turning Selina Goby over in my mind," I said, "and I think,

my lady, it will be cheaper to marry her than to keep her."

My lady burst out laughing, and said she didn't know which to be most

shocked at--my language or my principles. Some joke tickled her, I

suppose, of the sort that you can't take unless you are a person of

quality. Understanding nothing myself but that I was free to put it next

to Selina, I went and put it accordingly. And what did Selina say? Lord!

how little you must know of women, if you ask that. Of course she said,

Yes.

As my time drew nearer, and there got to be talk of my having a new coat

for the ceremony, my mind began to misgive me. I have compared notes

with other men as to what they felt while they were in my interesting

situation; and they have all acknowledged that, about a week before it

happened, they privately wished themselves out of it. I went a trifle

further than that myself; I actually rose up, as it were, and tried to

get out of it. Not for nothing! I was too just a man to expect she would

let me off for nothing. Compensation to the woman when the man gets

out of it, is one of the laws of England. In obedience to the laws,

and after turning it over carefully in my mind, I offered Selina Goby a

feather-bed and fifty shillings to be off the bargain. You will hardly

believe it, but it is nevertheless true--she was fool enough to refuse.




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