She stepped out from the landing and looked around. At the farthest corner of the roof stood Søren, staring out into the nighttime forest that surrounded the property. Grace froze at the sight of him so silent and solemn. She should go back and leave him alone with his thoughts. But she’d been alone all day and knew she’d go out of her mind if she didn’t get away from her own voice in her head.
Summoning her courage, she walked toward him and came to stand at his side. He held a steep glass of red wine in his hand, raised it to his lips and drank.
“Do you mind if I join you for a while?” Grace asked, suddenly fearful. Fearful of what, though? That he wouldn’t want her company or that he would?
“Please stay. Your company would be most welcome.”
“I don’t know about that,” she said with a sigh. “I can’t stand to be around myself right now.”
He turned his head from the dark forest before them and studied her face. His gaze felt intimate and penetrating, like he was trying to understand her more than simply see her.
“You’ve been crying.”
Grace raised her hand to her face and ran her fingers under her eyes to wipe away the traces of tears mingled with mascara.
“Sorry. I must look a mess.”
“No, you look beautiful. And troubled.”
“Thank you,” she said with a low and weary laugh. “You aren’t put off by a woman’s tears?”
“Hardly,” he said, raising the glass to his lips and drinking. “I rather enjoy them under the right circumstances. I’m guessing, however, yours weren’t of the variety I’m referring to.”
“No, sadly,” she said, almost blushing at the thought of how Søren would bring a woman to tears. “I made the foolish mistake of wandering into one of the children’s rooms.”
“You and Zachary are still trying to conceive?”
“Yes, actually. How did you know?” Had she been speaking to anyone else, Grace might have been embarrassed at broaching such a personal topic. For some reason she seemed like she could talk to him about anything and it would go no further than his own ears. Priest, she remembered. Of course.
“Eleanor told me. She wasn’t spreading gossip, you should know. She asked me to pray a novena for you.”
“She did?” Grace’s heart clenched at the kindness.“Eleanor is convinced I make God nervous and that He’s more likely to take my calls than hers, as she says.”
“So...you’ve prayed for me to conceive?”
“Novena. I’ve prayed for you to conceive nine times.”
“Thank you.” Grace nearly whispered the words. “Zachary wants to give up trying for a biological child. Says it’s too hard on me. He’s fine adopting, but I want to keep trying. But now that dream seems so selfish and small with Nora out there—”
“Don’t, Grace. Don’t think God isn’t capable of giving you a child and bringing Eleanor back to us. He is infinitely powerful, after all. He can handle more than one item on His to-do list.”
“I’ll remember that.” The night air ran its hands over her skin and Grace moved closer to Søren, instinctively seeking shelter. He didn’t move away when her shoulder met his arm. “Although...something like this happens and I can’t help but be a little grateful I’m childless. No child means no child for someone to take. People seem awfully fragile right now to me, the world terribly unsafe. Nora is someone’s daughter and there she is out there somewhere and scared...she must be so scared.”
Søren put an arm around her shoulders as the tears started to fall again. She huddled close to him, resting her head on his chest. She felt like a child now seeking the comfort of a father’s arms.
“Eleanor,” he began as he wrapped both his arms around her, “is the bravest woman I know. She wasn’t even afraid of me when she was only fifteen. And believe me, I did try to scare her.”
“I would have been terrified of you. I am terrified of you.”
“She wasn’t. You know her first words she ever said to me...I remember them like yesterday. She said, ‘You’re kind of an idiot, you know that, right?’”
Grace laughed out loud and pulled back from his embrace.
“She said that to you?”
“She took exception to the fact that I didn’t put a lock on my motorcycle. She said I was asking for someone to steal it. Considering that a week after that conversation she was arrested for stealing cars, she did know what she was talking about.”
“Arrested for car theft? That naughty girl. I had no idea she’d been in that kind of trouble. I thought teenage girls got arrested for shoplifting purses and makeup.”
“Eleanor does not do anything the normal way.”
“And you loved her for it.” Grace smiled up at him.
“I did. Utterly and unrepentantly. My heart was so torn after meeting her. Rent in two. I knew I should only love her like a father to a daughter, but her wildness and her beauty made it nearly impossible. I protected her, though, like a father. I always tried to protect her. And I always did. Until now.”
Grace took another step back. She needed some space between her and Søren. Being in his arms felt preternaturally good, unreasonably safe. She wondered if this is what Zachary had felt with Nora—this strange pull toward someone she couldn’t understand, who seemed almost alien. They had some kind of secret knowledge, both of them. Secret insight. They had seen things she couldn’t imagine, Søren and Nora, knew things she would never understand. But how she wanted to see, wanted to understand....