At least he could make the trip there and back in a day. If he left early enough and didn’t mind getting back home in the dark. Of course, the long drive gave him too much time to think.
He second-guessed everything he had done with Sasha. Was he wrong to have given her a taste of a slave’s life? Had that been what made her feel like she couldn’t submit to anyone else?
He wanted to hate that she didn’t feel comfortable being with someone else. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Deep inside, he was secretly pleased. He didn’t want to imagine her serving another Dom, much less witness it.
He kept repeating her words at the party. She was usually very direct, but did she mean he shouldn’t have been chased away? Should he have insisted she stay?
After driving over four hours thinking about little else, he pulled into the driveway of the historical house with no answers. Kate saw him pull up and opened the door to meet him. It was just after ten and the meeting didn’t start until eleven thirty, so now he got to spend over an hour with his ex. Great, just great.
“Kate,” he said, shutting the car door.
“Hello, Cole, thanks for coming today.”
She looked beautiful, as always. Perfectly put together, with nothing out of place. She would turn the head of any man with a heartbeat, but she did nothing for him. His fantasy involved a feisty brunette with short hair just the right length for his fingers to run through.
“Think nothing of it,” he said.
She glanced behind him. “You’re alone?”
“Yes.”
“I thought Sasha would be with you.”
Bloody hell, even hearing her name hurt. “Sasha is no longer my trainee.”
“I didn’t expect her to be here as your trainee.”
It was bad enough he had to spend time alone with Kate, but he’d be damned if he was going to spend it talking to her about Sasha.
“We aren’t going to have this conversation,” he said.
In a move he recognized from seeing it for years, she tilted her head and studied him. Though they hadn’t been together for months, they had years of shared history. She probably only had to look at him to see the truth.
“I have something I need to work on. Is there somewhere I can sit? Outside maybe?”
She waved toward the house. “There’s a patio off the back with a table and chairs.”
“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll be out there if you need me.”
He carried his briefcase to the back patio and even took out some papers, but he didn’t get anything accomplished. He read the same paragraph four times before giving up and standing to his feet.The backyard of the house had been meticulously landscaped. He imagined the property booked for weddings and the like years in advance. Had it been a private residence, he could easily see the owners spending a lot of time outside. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of freshly cut grass. It brought to mind the afternoon she’d gotten him wet and he’d taken her against the tree.
It seemed like eons ago when it’d been so easy to picture her with him. What had changed? Their relationship had done nothing but grow stronger as they spent more time together. Fuck. He had allowed her to chase him off. He’d run away when he should have stayed and fought.
“Cole?” Kate’s voice broke through his thoughts.
“Yes,” he said, ready to think and talk about something else.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I have to know.” Kate’s eyes were curious. “It was different with Sasha, wasn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” Of course it was different. Everything about him and Sasha had been different. He just didn’t know it was that obvious to everyone else.
“Let me ask you this, when we were together and you did something for me, was it out of obligation or devotion?”
“What are you saying, Kate? Are you implying I wasn’t devoted to you?”
“I’m saying I think you were more devoted to being a good Master than you were to me.” She held up a hand to stop his protest. “It’s not a bad thing, and it worked for us for a long time. But now looking back, I think I could have been anyone.”
She stood up and walked to the edge of the patio. The light breeze ruffled her hair, blowing it away from her face, and he found no sadness in her expression. Even after the revelation she just made.
“When I was serving you, did you ever look at me and want to know more? Long to learn everything about me, breathe me in as if I was the air you needed to survive, please me because it brought you joy? Or did you learn what you needed to know as my Master, but no more? Please me because it was your duty?” She turned to face him fully. “I was never your air, Cole. You wanted a slave and I wanted a Master, but in the end it wasn’t enough for me. The baby situation was the final nail.”
He felt like he’d been punched in the gut because he knew, he knew she was right. “Kate, I’m sorry.”
She waved her hand, dismissing his apology. “It’s okay. You weren’t my air, either. I wanted you to be, I tried to make you, but I finally realized you can’t force it. That’s the real reason I left. I want to need someone as much as they need me. And that’s why she was different for you.”
She held his gaze for several beats of his heart, and when she started to speak, he knew exactly what she would say. Knew it because he felt the truth threatening to choke him.
“Sasha’s your air, Cole.”
• • •
Sasha frowned at the ringing of the doorbell. It was Sunday, so the shop was closed. Julie would have called. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, she was working tomorrow and that would be soon enough. If she ignored it, maybe whoever it was would go away. Or maybe it was Cole? Her heart raced and with a trembling hand, she flung the door open.
It was Abby.
“Oh, Abby.” She couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. “Come on in.”
“I’m sorry. I know I’m not who you wanted to see. But since I wasn’t at the play party, I wanted to make sure we talked.”
Sasha led her inside and they sat on her couch. She really didn’t feel like talking about Cole, because she knew once she did, it’d be expected for her to find another Dom to play with. And that wasn’t happening anytime soon. If ever.