"Yes."
I wanted to call him a fool, but I closed my mouth and tried to think of something else to say. Nothing came to mind. "I've met Marcus. I've met Raina." I shook my head. "If you really believe that Marcus doesn't want you dead, you're wrong."
"One night and you're an expert," he said.
"Yeah, on this I am."
"That's why I didn't tell you. You'd kill him, wouldn't you? You'd just kill him."
"If he was trying to kill me, yeah."
"I have to handle this myself, Anita."
"Then handle it, Richard. Kill his ass."
"Or you'll do it for me."
I sat back in my chair. "Shit, Richard, what do you want from me?"
"I want to know if you think I'm a monster."
The conversation was moving too fast for me. "You're accusing me of being a murderer. Shouldn't that be my question?"
"I knew what you were when we first met. You thought I was human. Do you still think I'm human?"
I stared at him. He looked so uncertain. In my head I knew he wasn't human. But I'd still never seen him do any of the otherworldly stuff. Looking at him here in my kitchen, brown eyes brimming with sincerity, he just didn't seem very dangerous. He believed that Marcus wouldn't kill him. It was too naive for words. I wanted to protect him. To keep him safe somehow.
"You're not a monster, Richard."
"Then why haven't you touched me tonight, not even a hello kiss."
"I thought we were mad at each other," I said. "I don't kiss people that I'm mad at."
"Are we mad at each other?" His voice was soft, hesitant.
"I don't know. Promise me something."
"What?"
"No more hiding. No more lying, not even by omission. You tell me the truth, and I'll tell you the truth."
"Agreed, if you promise not to kill Marcus."
I stared across at him. How could anybody be a master werewolf and be so goody-two-shoes? It was both charming and liable to get him killed. "I can't promise that."
"Anita..."
I held up a hand. "I can promise not to kill him unless he attacks me, or you, or a civilian."
It was Richard's turn to stare at me. "You could kill him, just like that?"
"Just like that."
He shook his head. "I don't understand that."
"How can you be a lycanthrope and never have killed anybody?"
"I'm careful."
"And I'm not?"
"You're almost casual about it. You killed Alfred last night, and you don't seem sorry."
"Should I be?"
"I would be."
I shrugged. Truth was, it did bother me a little. There might have been a way out without Alfred ending up in a body bag. Or in the stomachs of his friends. But I'd killed him. There it was. No going back. No changing it. No apologizing.
"It's the way I am, Richard. Live with it or get out. I'm not going to change."
"One of the reasons I wanted to date you to begin with was I thought you could take care of yourself. You've seen them now. I think I can get out of it alive, but a regular person--an ordinary human being--what chance would they have?"
I just looked at him. I flashed on him with his throat torn out. Dead. But he hadn't been dead. He'd healed. He'd lived. There'd been another man. Another human being that hadn't healed. I never wanted to love anyone and lose them like that. Ever.
"So you got what was advertised. What's the problem?"
"I still want you. I still want to hold you. Touch you. Can you stand to touch me after what you saw last night?" He wouldn't meet my eyes. His hair fell forward, hiding his face.
I stood up and took the step that left me looking down at him. He raised his face to me, his eyes glittered with unshed tears. The fear in his face was raw. I had thought that what I saw last night would make a difference between us. I flashed on Jason's unnatural strength, the sweat on Marcus's face, Gabriel with his blood-coated mouth. But staring into Richard's face, with him close enough to touch, none of that was real. I trusted Richard. Besides, I was armed.
I leaned over him, bending down to kiss his lips. The first kiss was gentle, chaste. He made no move to touch me, hands in his lap. I kissed his forehead, hands combing through his long hair, so I could feel the warmth of him against my fingers. I kissed his eyebrows, the tip of his nose, each cheek, finally his lips again. He sighed, the breath pouring into my mouth, and I pressed my lips against his like I'd eat him from the mouth down.
His arms wrapped around my back, hands hesitating at my waist, fingers slightly lower. His hands jumped to my thighs, skipping all those questionable areas. I put one leg on either side of his knees, and found the short skirt did have its uses. I straddled his lap, didn't have to raise the skirt an inch. Richard made a small sound of surprise. He stared at me, and his eyes were drowning deep.
I raised his sweater off his stomach, running hands against his bare flesh. "Off," I said.
He raised the sweater over his head in one movement, dropping it to the floor. I sat in his lap, staring at his bare chest. I should have stopped right there, but I didn't want to.
I pressed my face in the bend of his neck, breathing in the smell of his skin, his hair covering my face like a veil. I ran just the tip of my tongue in a thin line of wetness down his neck, across his collarbone.
His hands kneaded the small of my back, sliding downward. His fingers danced over my bu**ocks, then up to my back. Point for him. He hadn't groped me.
"The gun, can you take it off?" He asked with his face buried in my hair.
I nodded, slipping out of the shoulder straps. I couldn't get the rest off without removing the skirt's belt. My hands didn't seem to want to work.
Richard took my hands and placed them gently to either side. He undid the buckle and began to slide the belt out a loop at a time. Each pull made me move just a little. I held the holstered gun while he drew the belt free. He let the belt drop to the floor. I folded the shoulder holster carefully and laid it on the table behind us.
I turned back to him. His face was startlingly close. His lips were soft, full. I licked the edges of his mouth. The kiss was quick and messy. I wanted to run my mouth over other things. Down his chest. We'd never let it go this far. Not even close.
He pulled my blouse out of the skirt, running hands over my bare back. The feel of his na**d skin on places he'd never touched before made me shudder.
"We have to stop now." I whispered it into his neck, so it wasn't completely convincing.
"What?"
"Stop." I pushed a little back from him, enough to see his face. Enough to breathe just a little. My hands were still playing with his hair, touching his shoulders. I dropped my hands. Made myself stop. He was so warm. I raised my hands to my face, and could smell him on my skin. I did not want to stop. From the look on his face, the feel of his body, neither did he. "We should stop now."
"Why?" His voice was almost a whisper.
"Because if we don't stop now, we might not stop at all."
"Would that be such a bad thing?"
Staring into his lovely eyes from inches away, I almost said, no. "Maybe, yes."
"Why?"
"Because one night is never enough. You either have a regular diet of it or you go cold turkey."
"You can have this every night," he said.
"Is that a proposal?" I asked.
He blinked at me, trying to draw himself back up. To think. I watched the effort and struggled with it myself. It was hard to think sitting in his lap. I stood up. His hands were still under my shirt, on my bare back.
"Anita, what's wrong?"
I stood looking down at him, hands on his shoulders for balance, still too close for clear thinking. I backed away, and he let me go. I leaned my hands against the kitchen counter, trying to think enough to make sense.
I tried to think how to say a couple of years' worth of pain in one mouthful. "I was always a good girl. I didn't sleep around. In college I met someone, we got engaged, we set a date, we made love. He dumped me."
"He'd done all that just to get you in bed?"
I shook my head and turned to look at him. He was still sitting there with his shirt off, looking scrumptious. "His family disapproved of me."
"Why?"
"His mother didn't like my mother being Mexican." I leaned my back against the cabinets, arms crossed, hugging myself. "He didn't love me enough to go against his family. I missed him in a lot of ways, but my body missed him, too. I promised myself I'd never let that happen again."