“If that is what you want. Does this still have to do with my feeble attempt at a
humorous reply?” He touched the stone wall of the terrace.
“No, I am not upset about that anymore.”
“Then is it about David?”
“Yes, but you wouldn’t understand.”
She wanted company more than solitude.
Samuel was unsure if she wanted him to reach for her, but she was distraught.
He longed to comfort her, and he moved close to her.
Joanna embraced him and the tears began again. He thought of his wife and how
he would hold her. Samuel held her as if to claim her except he imagined she
thought of David. He wished for a woman who loved him and not another man. He
broke her embrace.
Her hands went to her eyes to wipe the tears. He wished to tell her of his
feelings for her but he could not interrupt her grief. She was not ready to love
again. Samuel wished for her love as he grew lonely.
“Joanna, I understand loss and loneliness.”
“Samuel, this is different, you can’t understand. And I don’t mean this
disrespectfully, but you don’t know what it is to have the one you deeply love torn
away from you by circumstances that are beyond your control.”
“I do understand separation from the one you love.” His back stiffened.
“Your marriage was arranged and your wife a stranger. I realize you grew to
love her, and the love was genuine. I am trying to explain to you — I lost not just
David when he died — I lost myself.”
“I think that you only see your own pain, Joanna, instead of looking to see how
you can relieve the sufferings of those around you.” He spoke with authority as if
to shake her.
Joanna became angry suddenly. She needed his support, not his correction.
“So first you insult me and now you tell me I am being selfish? And this is my
dearest friend?”
He stepped away from her and put both hands on the half wall of the terrace and
looked out as if he would escape grief with a glance forward.
He replied, “I never meant that comment like it sounded, and if I were your
dearest friend, then you would have forgiven me by now. I am trying to guide you,
to help you work through your own grief. I think it is easy for a ruler to become