A family? If she and Sebastian had children, they could be like her little half-vampire niece, Emmaline. Kaderin inwardly shook herself. "I live in New Orleans, I compete, and I kill vampires. You'd expect me to give up everything?" She drew her knees to her chest. "You want me to act like women you've known and it will never happen."
"No, I truly do not want you to act like women I've known," he said, so vehemently she was taken aback. "And I have no preference for where we would live. I'd go wherever you would be happy. Killing vampires? Fine. The Hie? Also acceptable - if I'm there with you."
"Acceptable." Is he joking? "The more I get to know you, the more I realize your being a vampire is only part of why I'm indifferent to you."
Acceptable? As soon as he'd said it, even before her eyes flashed, he'd known that perhaps that wasn't the best word to use with a daughter of gods. A fifth of any of his brothers' charm.
"Then lay out the other reasons you're indifferent," he said.
"Talking to you is like talking to a human."
He snapped, "I wish I were still a human - "
"But you're not. You're an enemy to my kind."
"I've told you, not by choice. Or by deed."
"It disgusts me that you drink blood. You live a parasitic existence."
It had always disgusted him as well. The only time it hadn't had been his one hot, rich taste of her. Now he found himself defending the vile act. "I get blood from a butcher. How is this different from humans getting meat from the same? Besides, what living thing isn't a parasite?"
"Me."
"Do you eat meat? Drink wine?"
"No, and no. I ingest nothing."
"How is that possible?" he asked, incredulous, though the kobold had said as much that night at the Pole.
"Just the way I was engineered," she answered in a tone that made it clear she'd say no more on the subject.
Damn it, he'd have to return to Blachmount and ask Nikolai about this. "Engineered? As in designed?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Don't I look as if I could have been designed? Do you look at me and think, obviously an accident of nature?"
"No," he said, realizing he'd insulted her once more. "Not at all. I just - "
"Our kinds are going to war. Did you know that? A war like you've never imagined - "
"Yes, the Accession," he said in a dismissive tone.
"It's hardly something to wave away."
"My brother told me you would bring this up as an obstacle between us. He's assured me the Forbearers will ally with the Valkyrie." When she began to argue, he cut her off. "Whether the Valkyrie want them or not."
She pressed her lips together. "You seem quite iron-willed," she finally said. "Why not use that will to rid yourself of this compulsion for your puny, undesigned Bride?"
"Why would I put time and effort into attempting to forget you when I could spend that same time and effort to win you?"
"Because winning me is impossible. The other option may not be."
"I have to try." There was no way to rethink this. "I want you. In my life."
She tapped her chin. "And by 'in my life,' you clearly mean 'in my bed.' "
"I won't deny that I want both." He'd had a taste of her passion, and he wouldn't rest until he'd claimed her. "I constantly think about what it would be like to take you."
Pink flushed across her cheeks, and she nibbled her bottom lip. That habit of hers never failed to charm him. "But you don't love me any more than I love you."
"No, I don't," he admitted. She fascinated him, frustrated him. And every hour since she'd blooded him, he needed her, but even he understood that it wasn't love.
She rolled her eyes. "A hint, Sebastian? If you're courting a woman, you could pause a nanosecond before declaring that you don't love her. Maybe act as though you'd considered the possibility. Or you could lie. Or you could gloss over it by predicting that you will in the future."
"I won't lie to you. And about love? Unions have been built on far less than we have between us. We'd have passion. Attraction. Respect."
"You flatter yourself," she said, examining her broken claws.
"And one thing I can promise you. The next thousand years of your life will be nothing like the last. Not while I live."
Her gaze shot up. "What does that mean?" she asked in a measured tone.
"I know about your... blessing. You didn't feel emotion for a millennium."
At his words, her face paled. "Do you know why it happened?"
Had her voice quavered? "No. Nor how it came about. Only that you woke one morning, and there was just... nothing."
She gave him a sharp glare. "Don't you dare say it like that! As if I were lacking."
"Kaderin, not to be able to feel is to lack."
"You assume it's necessary to feel to get by? Or that I would want to, anyway?"
"No, I - "
"You know from my blood, right?" When he nodded, she said, "Because you stole my blood, you have my memories. Lovely. How much have you seen?"
"I've seen old battles, and hunts, and random flashes of conversation - like Riora telling you about a blind mystic's blade." He had seen her attacked by dozens of kobolds, barely defeating them, then peering down to find her leg from midcalf down was gone. No wonder she'd taken out the kobold in Antarctica. And I'd traced it to her prize.
"Now do you understand why I was incensed? You can know my secret thoughts. And deeds. Have you seen me with other men?"
"No, and my brother has told me that I won't, because you are my Bride," he said.
"Have you seen why my emotions have returned?"
He ran his fingers through his hair. "I believe I had something to do with it. You said as much that first morning."
"I spoke rashly." At his look, she added. "It was coincidental."
"Perhaps I could believe the timing coincidental had you not been my Bride."
"So you figure I awakened you physically and you awakened me emotionally?" she asked in a scoffing tone. "Tea for two?"
"Yes. Precisely."
"Even if that were true, it doesn't mean we have a future together. I'm not what you need and will only make you miserable. This I can promise you. Besides, if I accepted you as mine, my family would ostracize me. I'd be shunned."
"Myst the Coveted doesn't seem to concern herself with that."