I’d just seen O’Connell cart off some random slut to the bathroom. There was no way that I could handle any more of Nikki flirting with him. I’d had my quota of crazy for the night, and I felt an overwhelming need to crawl back into my shell.
“I’ll see you all soon.” I smiled tightly. With a small wave, and without meeting anyone’s eyes, I turned and made my way toward the front door. Only when it closed behind me could I breathe again. Not stopping, I put my head down and set a brisk pace toward my apartment. Seconds later, the sound of heavy boots running toward me made me flinch.
“Hello, O’Connell.”
“You don’t hang around, do you, girl.”
“It’s late. I really just want a hot drink and to curl up in bed.”
I sighed, as I contemplated the safe cocoon of my apartment. To call it warm would be an exaggeration, but it was all that I could afford at the moment. It had little insulation, and heaters that only worked intermittently. Even then, they only came on after some serious abuse with a frying pan.
“What are you, like ninety? It’s not even midnight yet,” he mocked.
“Well, then, don’t let me stop you from getting any more action. The night is still young.”
I was going for sarcastic, but I had the feeling I just sounded tired. I waited for the witty comeback, and when it didn’t come, I glanced across at him.
“You saw then,” he mumbled, quietly.
“I kind of thought you wanted everyone to see by the way you carried her through the party,” I whispered.
“Why didn’t you come and talk to me?” he asked. Was he fucking kidding?
“You looked kind of intimidating, sat there with all of your friends,” I answered honestly.
“They’re not my friends,” he replied.
“It doesn’t make them any less intimidating.”
“I wouldn’t have done it if you’d come and talked to me.”
“Are you serious?” I stopped walking, and stared at him in disbelief. “You had sex with that girl because I didn’t come and talk to you?”
He turned around to answer me, and for the first time since I’d met him, he didn’t look cocky or arrogant, just pissed and a little shamed.
“I got pissed, okay! You told me that you didn’t do parties. Then I see you laughing like you’re having the time of your life, with some fucker all over you. If you wanted to blow me off about the party, you should’ve just told me straight.”
How could I be pissed at him and pleased at the same time? I should, really, be scared. He radiated anger, and although he wasn’t drunk, I got the feeling it would only take one wrong word from the wrong person, and he’d find an outlet for his temper. With everything I’d been through, he should be the last person I’d want near me, but my heart and mind were in two different places.
“You are such an idiot.” I sighed.
“I don’t go to college, so that makes me a fucking idiot?” he argued.
He was practically shouting at me, but I never raised my voice. It just wasn’t in my nature.
“You’re an idiot, because I only came to the party to see you. My friend ditched me, and Albie was the only other person there I knew.”
Just like that, I’d taken the wind out of his sails and deflated his temper.
“I didn’t fuck her, you know. I was pissed off, and I wanted to make you jealous. But as soon as I couldn’t see you anymore, I knew what a huge fucking mistake I’d made. I blew her off to come and find you.”
I sighed with relief. He wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his. But just knowing that he hadn’t been with that girl made everything seem better.
“How did she take it?” I pressed, and he chuckled in response.
“She wasn’t happy, but she’ll get over it.”
“Why didn’t you come and talk to me?” he asked gently.
“I already told you how intimidating you looked with them all. I’m not like those other girls you were with, O’Connell. I never will be.”
He looked like he was in pain as he stared hard at me. I couldn’t take the heat from that stare and dropped my eyes to the ground as I felt my cheeks colouring.
“I know you’re not, sunshine,” he responded sadly.
I started walking again, and he fell into step beside me. Neither of us said anything for a while, but it was a companionable silence. I liked the way he could share my space without needing to fill it.
“You looked beautiful tonight,” he said quietly.
“Really?” I smiled. It was so pathetic how happy the compliment made me, but I didn’t think anyone had ever called me beautiful before.
“Yeah,” he answered. “You know you should smile more often. It looks good on you.” I didn’t want to bring us both down by admitting that I hadn’t had much to smile about in a while.
“I’m working on it,” was all I offered in return.
“How come I didn’t see Kieran with you? I thought he was going to the party as well?”
“Um...he was there,” O’Connell mumbled, as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking a little sheepish.
“I didn’t see him.”
“He was getting laid upstairs.”
“Oh.”
Honestly, what could I say? Had I known that the party was going to be one big orgy, I’d have definitely found a better way to spend my Saturday night. Then again, O’Connell and I wouldn’t be here now.
“So, is this how you guys spend most of your weekends?”
“Pretty much, I guess. I love fighting. The partying and women just comes with it. I used to think it was a pretty good life,” he confessed.
“Used to?” I questioned.
“Yeah. Until you. Most of the girls I know will fuck you for a Bacardi and Coke. Taking what they were offering never seemed wrong before, but when I offered to walk you home, you looked at me like shit. Made me see how my life looks to you.”
I didn’t know what to say. Sure, I hated the way that women threw themselves at him and the partying definitely wasn’t me, but who was I to judge? My own life was too fucked up to allow me to judge anyone else’s.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be judgemental. I’m not used to it, that’s all. It was a shock. But given that half the stuff I saw tonight was a complete eye opener, I think I’d be better off sticking to what’s safe from now on.”