Guilty as judged. He laughed again. That felt wrong, too. He was trying too hard. He seemed to realize it, because abruptly he sobered.
Your mother, he said, was my first lover.
My hand twitched toward my knife. It was on the side farthest from him. He did not see.
After a moment passed with no apparent reaction from me, Viraine seemed to relax somewhat. He lowered his eyes, gazing at the lights of the city far below. I was born here, like most Arameri, but the highbloods sent me off to the Litariathe scrivening collegeat the age of four, when my gift for languages was noticed. I was just twenty when I returned, the youngest master ever approved by the program. Brilliant, if I may say, but still very young. A child, really.
I was not yet twenty myself, but of course barbarians grow up faster than civilized folk. I said nothing.
My father had died in the interim, he continued. My mother He shrugged. Disappeared some night. That sort of thing happens here. It was just as well. I was granted fullblood status when I returned, and she was a lowblood. If she were still alive, I would no longer be her son. He glanced at me, after a pause. That will sound heartless to you.
I shook my head, slowly. Ive been in Sky long enough.
He made a soft sound, somewhere between amusement and cynicism. I had a harder time getting used to this place than you, he said. Your mother helped me. She was like you in some ways. Gentle on the surface, something entirely different underneath.
I glanced at him, surprised by this description.
I was smitten, of course. Her beauty, her wit, all that power He shrugged. But I would have been content to admire her from afar. I wasnt that young. No one was more surprised than I when she offered me more.
My mother wouldnt do that.
Viraine just looked at me for a moment, during which I glared back at him.
It was a brief affair, he said. Just a few weeks. Then she met your father and lost interest in me. He smiled thinly. I cant say I was happy about that.
I told you I began with some heat.
You didnt know her, he said softly. It was that softness that silenced me. No child knows her parents, not truly.
You didnt know her, either. I refused to think about how childish that sounded.
For a moment there was such sorrow in Viraines face, such lingering pain, that I knew he was telling the truth. He had loved her. He had been her lover. She had gone off to marry my father, leaving Viraine with only memories and longing. And now fresh grief burned in my soul, because he was rightI hadnt known her. Not if she could do something like this.
Viraine looked away. Well. You wanted to know my reason for offering to escort you. You arent the only one who mourns Kinneth. He took a deep breath. If you change your mind, let me know. He inclined his head, then headed for the door.
Wait, I said, and he stopped. I told you before: my mother did nothing without reason. So why did she take up with you?
How should I know?
What do you think?
He considered a moment, then shook his head. He was smiling again, hopelessly. I think I dont want to know. And neither do you.
He left. I stared at the closed door for a long time.
Then I went looking for answers.
* * *
I went first to my mothers room, where I took the chest of letters from behind the beds headboard. When I turned with it in my hands, I found my unknown maternal grandmother gazing directly at me from within her portrait. Sorry, I muttered, and left again.
It was not difficult to find an appropriate corridor. I simply wandered until a sense of nearby, familiar power tickled my awareness. I followed that sense until, before an otherwise nondescript wall, I knew I had found a good spot.
The gods langauge was not meant to be spoken by mortals, but I had a goddesss soul. That had to be good for something.
Atadie, I whispered, and the wall opened up.
I went through two dead spaces before finding Siehs orrery. As the wall closed behind me, I looked around and noticed that the place looked starkly bare compared to the last time Id seen it. Several dozen or so of the colored spheres lay scattered on the floor, unmoving, a few showing cracks or missing chunks. Only a handful floated in their usual places. The yellow ball was nowhere to be seen.
Beyond the spheres, Sieh lay on a gently curved hump of palace-stuff, with Zhakkarn crouched beside him. Sieh was younger than I had seen him in the arena, but still too old: long-legged and lanky, he must have been somewhere in late adolescence. Zhakkarn, to my surprise, had removed her headkerchief; her hair lay in close-curled, flattened ringlets about her head. Rather like mine, except that it was blue-white in color.
They were both staring at me. I crouched beside them, setting down the chest. Are you all right? I asked Sieh.