The council had been upset about that, especially once it became clear I had not conceived. Bad enough I had killed a man, but to also lose his seed and the strength it might have given future Darre daughters? For a while victory had made things worse for me. She is no true Darre, went the whispers. There is too much death in her.
I had not meant to kill him, truly. But in the end, we were warriors, and those who valued my Arameri murderousness had outnumbered my doubters. They made me ennu two years later.
The look on Sciminas face was thoughtful, measuring. Naha, however, was sober, his eyes showing some darker emotion that I could not name. If I had to put a word to it, it might have been bitterness. But that was not so surprising, was it? I was not so Darre as, and so much more Arameri than, I seemed. It was something I had always hated about myself.
Hes begun to wear a single face for you, hasnt he? Naha asked. I knew at once who he was. Thats how it starts. His voice grows deeper or his lips fuller; his eyes change their shape. Soon hes something out of your sweetest dreams, saying all the right things, touching all the right places. He pressed his face into Sciminas hair, as if seeking comfort. Then its only a matter of time.
I left, goaded by fear and guilt and a creeping, hateful sense that no matter how Arameri I was, it was not enough to help me survive this place. Not Arameri enough by far. That is when I went to Viraine, and that is what led me to the library and the secret of my two souls, and that is how I ended up here, dead.
14
The Walking Dead
WE CURED YOUR FATHER, said Sieh. That was your mothers price. In exchange she allowed us to use her unborn child as the vessel for Enefas soul.
I closed my eyes.
He took a deep breath in my silence. Our souls are no different from yours. We expected Enefas to travel onward after she died, in the usual manner. But when Itempas When Itempas killed Enefa, he kept something. A piece of her. It was difficult to catch, but he was rushing his words ever so slightly. Distantly I considered soothing him. Without that piece, all life in the universe would have died. Everything Enefa createdeverything except Nahadoth and Itempas himself. It is the last vestige of her power. Mortals call it the Stone of Earth.
Against my closed eyelids images formed. A small, ugly lump of bruise-dark flesh. An apricotstone. My mothers silver necklace.
With the Stone still in this world, the soul was trapped here, too. Without a body it drifted, lost; we only discovered what had happened centuries later. By the time we found it the soul had been battered, eroded, like a sail left on a mast through a storm. The only way to restore it was to house it again in flesh. He sighed. I will admit the thought of nurturing Enefas soul in the body of an Arameri child was appealing on many levels.
I nodded. That I could certainly understand.
If we can restore the soul to health, Sieh said, then there is a chance it can be used to free us. The thing that subdues us in this world, trapping us in flesh and binding us to the Arameri, is the Stone. Itempas took it not to preserve life, but so that he could use Enefas power against Nahadothtwo of the Three against one. But he could not wield it himself; the Three are all too different from one another. Only Enefas children can use Enefas power. A godling like me, or a mortal. In the war, it was bothsome of my siblings, and one Itempan priestess.
Shahar Arameri, I said.
The bed moved slightly with his nod. Zhakkarn was a silent, watching presence. I drew Zhakkarns face with my mind, matching it against the face Id seen in the library. Zhakkarns face was framed like Enefas, with the same sharp jaw and high cheekbones. It was in all three of them, I realized, though they didnt look like siblings or even members of the same race. All of Enefas children had kept some feature, some tribute, to their mothers looks. Kurue had the same frank, dissecting gaze. Siehs eyes were the same jade color.
Like mine.
Shahar Arameri. Sieh sighed. As a mortal, she could wield only a fraction of the Stones true power. Yet she was the one who struck the deciding blow. Nahadoth would have avenged Enefa that day, if not for her.
Nahadoth says you want my life.
Zhakkarns voice, with a hint of irritation: He told you that?
Siehs voice, equally irritated, though at Zhakkarn: He can only defy his own nature for so long.
Is it true? I asked.
Sieh was silent for so long that I opened my eyes. He winced at the look on my face; I did not care. I was through with evasions and riddles. I was not Enefa. I did not have to love him.
Zhakkarn unfolded her arms, a subtle threat. You havent agreed to ally with us. You could give this information to Dekarta.
I gave her the same look that I had Sieh. Why, I said, enunciating each word carefully, would I possibly betray you to him?