I also realized that he found me hilarious in a resigned way that, even if resigned, he felt it was appealing. He thought I was quite mad, I knew, with half the shit I did and said, the way my heart guided me, the easy way my temper flared, but he found it attractive and he didn’t hide it.
I liked that.
He even once came home in time to take dinner with me in the cham and as he did, I realized I’d never seen him eat. I also realized he ate a lot. He was a big guy and he had a big appetite. With the way he ate, how he kept that six pack was anyone’s guess. But I liked that he enjoyed his food and he did not hide it.
He was also gentle with me in many ways and took time and patiently began to assist Diandra in her teachings about the Korwahk and The Horde. He was king, he could do as he pleased and expect to do it without being questioned and his people had lived their way of life for eons but I liked that he took the time to explain things to me.
Truth be told, I was beginning to like everything about Lahn.
And, stupid me, I did absolutely nothing to stop it.
* * * * *
I often spent time with Diandra, Nahka and Narinda but I did not broach the subject of my magic and my possible goddess status with any of them and they didn’t with me either.
I didn’t know why they didn’t but I didn’t because I was stupid.
And I didn’t because I wanted Zahnin to win his wife and Sabine, who was very sweet, to settle and find contentment and even happiness after what she’d endured. I wanted her to have what Mahyah never found. I wanted that a lot. And I wanted to do what I couldn’t do for Mahyah, and that was to help her have it.
And I also didn’t because I liked wandering the Daxshee, talking to my people, gabbing with Bain, exchanging comments with Zahnin, learning Korwahk, getting to recognize faces and beginning to share in the lives of my people, knowing who was sick, who was pregnant, whose son was to go before my husband in the next selection and the like.
And I also didn’t because I liked my nights with Lahn, our chats, our lovemaking. And I liked our mornings, his baths, sometimes my baths with him, the soft talks we’d have as he sat cross legged in front of me while I sat on the pile of hides and braided or bunched his hair and… um, our lovemaking (that was good enough to repeat).
Diandra was right and so was I. After Lahn hit me, he listened to what I said to him and inadvertently I had taught him a lesson at the same time he realized he had a battle on his hands and set about winning it. He had changed, sharing with me his time, his wit, his sweetness and his patience as well as his body and in so doing, he succeeded.
And he was enjoying his spoils for he knew from one look at me in the parade that I was what he’d been waiting for for years (he told me this during one of his heartfelt chats). And he now had it and he was not only content, he was openly happy.
And I liked that he was but further, that it was me that was giving it to him.
Therefore, I wasn’t broaching the topic of magic because I was actually enjoying being with the Korwahk, with my husband, with my friends.
This didn’t mean I wouldn’t kill for a burrito or a cell phone where I could call Diandra or Narinda rather than traipsing all the way to their chams with one of my guards in hopes they were home when I wanted company, but as the days went on, these longings faded, my memories of home faded and Korwahk became my reality.
When I allowed myself to think of it, I told myself I would, and soon, find out what was happening and then make a decision about what I would do next.
But, for now, I would give myself this.
Because I liked it.
See? Stupid.
I totally should have sorted that all out before Lahn faced Dortak in the contest for the Dax and maybe got himself injured, something I would have to watch or, God forbid, the gods of this world wept because the earth was falling from the sky and Dortak took my husband’s beautiful head, then he turned to me.
See?
Totally.
Stupid.
* * * * *
I set the pot on the table and turned to Lahn. Not looking in his eyes, I started at the indentation of his collarbone and drew a heavy line down his chest, starting to paint the design I hadn’t realized until then I had memorized.
“Uh…” I mumbled in order to take my mind off the day’s events and take Lahn’s off the fact that I hadn’t quite controlled the trembling of my hand, “you only wear black. What do the other colors warriors bear signify?”
I didn’t look at him when I asked my question but I knew he’d tilted his head down to look at me as he answered.
“White is an unseasoned warrior, new to the kill. Red indicates those who go on campaign. Blue, those who go to war or patrol Korwahk. All colors, those who are seasoned, who have gone on raids and handled themselves well in war and therefore have proven themselves. They can choose to raid or war or both. Green, a color you may not have seen, are warriors who now spend their time training. Those wearing only black are my lieutenants, warriors who have my ear, who lead troops on assignment or who belong to The Horde that travels with the Daxshee, in other words, they have also proven themselves in battle; they are our finest warriors and therefore hold a high rank.”
“Mm hmm,” I mumbled, listening but not listening then, twisting, I grabbed the pot, gouged out more paint and turned back to him, lifting my hand to start on the arcs.
I didn’t touch his skin. This was because his fingers wrapped around wrist.
Then he said softly in English, “Give me your golden eyes, Circe.”
I bit my lip then lifted my eyes to his. I knew I was not hiding anything when his went soft and his hand tightened around my wrist.
“He will not best me,” he whispered, again in English.
“Right,” I whispered back but that one word trembled.
His brows rose slightly. “You do not have faith in your king?”
I shook my head once. “No, I do.” Then I was still whispering, my voice continuing to tremble, when I said, “He cheats.”
“I know this,” Lahn replied and when I made no response, his other hand came up and curled around the back of my neck, holding me warmly there. “Because I know this, do you not think I have planned for it?”
Um… actually, no. That thought hadn’t occurred to me.
“Uh,” I started then admitted, “No. I didn’t. I’ve been too busy freaking out.”
Whereas when amongst the Korwahk, I almost always spoke Korwahk, when Lahn was in our tent, he demanded we converse in English. He caught on quickly proving maybe, he actually was a god or at least he was super clever. Further, this aided in softening my heart because I liked that he wanted to learn my language and share that with me.