Remembering his question, I shake my head. “I’m not alone. Julie’s coming over tonight for dinner.” My gaze drops to the pizza box. “Somebody’s gotta help me with this. And then in the morning, I’m driving over to my parents’ house for Christmas Day with them and my aunts, uncles, and cousins.”
He nods. “We’re just heading to church service.”
“Nice meeting you, Nana.” I nod to her.
“It’s good to see you, Brielle,” he says.
I swallow the massive lump that’s lodged itself in my throat and continue down the sidewalk before I do something completely foolish, like throw myself at him.
• • •
By the time Julie arrives, I’ve gathered the plates and napkins, poured two glasses of wine, and cued up the Christmas comedy I love.
If only my mood matched the festive atmosphere. I feel like curling up in my bed and crying, but considering that’s all I’ve done for the past week, I know I need to at least try to be social again.
When I let Julie in, she arrives with an armful of gifts.
“You can set them there.” I point to my little tabletop tree in the dining room. There are a couple of wrapped gifts for her too. A blue nail polish that she complimented me on, and gift cards to her favorite stores. I’ve been too distracted to shop much. I hope my family doesn’t mind when I show up tomorrow, armed with a Target gift card for everyone.
We sit down with our pizza and wine, and I’m thankful that she’s not barraging me with questions about Hale. She knows me well enough by now to understand that I’ll talk when I’m ready, but not before.
“Ew. Mushrooms,” she says, picking them off of her pizza.
“I forgot you didn’t like them. Sorry about that.” It just goes to show how distracted I’ve been.
“Here, you can have extra.” She piles the discarded fungi onto my plate. “You and your mushroom fetish.”
“I don’t have any fetishes.” It suddenly strikes me. “Maybe that’s the problem.”
“Huh?” She takes a slow sip of her wine, waiting for me to continue.
“He was a Dominant, right? I didn’t fit into his world. And he probably knew I never would. We never stood a real chance,” I say distractedly, talking more to myself than to her at this point.
She scrunches up her brow. “I don’t believe that for a second. If things between you two were half as intense as you’ve said they were, that means something, Brie. Stop discounting yourself. You’re not a trained submissive, but you played the role. This is on him. He should have just been honest with you from the beginning.”
I take a deep breath. “You’re right. I deserve more than a man who can’t see my worth. I gave him everything I had in our sessions. I even gave him my heart, though that was never supposed to happen.”
She gives me a sympathetic look as she pours more wine into my glass.
I’m starting to see our breakup with more clarity than ever. Besides, if he intended to continue as the Gentleman Mentor, there isn’t a future for us anyway. He said he hadn’t taken on any new clients, but that was nowhere near the commitment level I need to fully give myself to him like he requires.
I’ve learned too much, grown too much in these past several weeks. I just need to keep reminding myself of that and be strong.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Brielle
Now that the holiday has passed and things have returned to semi-normal, I know I owe Kirby an explanation. Eager for some closure over this chapter in my life, I ask him to meet me for coffee near my place. I can’t risk running into Hale at their apartment.
Once we’re seated with steaming drinks in front of us, Kirby looks at me expectantly.
I take a deep breath and blurt it out. “I’ve loved you for a long time.”
His face softens, and he smiles. “I love you too, Brie.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Leave it to a man to be totally clueless, with no idea what I’m talking about. “No, Kirby, I hoped for a future with you. I dreamed about more between us.”
He clears his throat, his gaze wandering briefly away from mine.
Well, this is awkward.
“I…I don’t know what to say,” he finally says. “I’ve never seen you that way.” His voice is soft, as if he’s trying to break the news to me gently.
“I know that. And I’m happy to say that I finally figured that out and moved on. I wanted to tell you about Cameron. I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else.”
He nods, his jaw tight. It’s clear he’s angry at us both for hiding this from him.
“We met at an online dating site. I’ve been sleeping with him for the past month, but I had no idea he was your roommate.”
“Wow. I guess I’m a little stunned. Are you guys dating?”
I shake my head. “No. We had a physical relationship, and I hoped it would grow into something more. But that was foolish thinking, I guess.”
He nods as if something has just clicked into place. “He’s been miserable ever since that night of the law firm holiday party. Did you guys break things off?”
I nod. “Yes. I haven’t seen him since then.”
Well, aside from that one brief run-in on the sidewalk where I thought my heart was going to implode. Watching him cradle his nana’s frail hand in the crook of his arm as he led her down the street, bending low so he could hear what the small woman said—it was all heart-melting. I always figured nana was just a term of endearment for a biological grandmother. Knowing he laid claim to her as his own was even more touching.