It was not long, you may be sure, before we had a second conference
upon the same subject; when, as if she had been willing to forget the
story she had told me of herself, or to suppose that I had forgot some
of the particulars, she began to tell them with alterations and
omissions; but I refreshed her memory and set her to rights in many
things which I supposed she had forgot, and then came in so opportunely
with the whole history, that it was impossible for her to go from it;
and then she fell into her rhapsodies again, and exclamations at the
severity of her misfortunes. When these things were a little over with
her, we fell into a close debate about what should be first done before
we gave an account of the matter to my husband. But to what purpose
could be all our consultations? We could neither of us see our way
through it, nor see how it could be safe to open such a scene to him.
It was impossible to make any judgment, or give any guess at what
temper he would receive it in, or what measures he would take upon it;
and if he should have so little government of himself as to make it
public, we easily foresaw that it would be the ruin of the whole
family, and expose my mother and me to the last degree; and if at last
he should take the advantage the law would give him, he might put me
away with disdain and leave me to sue for the little portion that I
had, and perhaps waste it all in the suit, and then be a beggar; the
children would be ruined too, having no legal claim to any of his
effects; and thus I should see him, perhaps, in the arms of another
wife in a few months, and be myself the most miserable creature alive.
My mother was as sensible of this as I; and, upon the whole, we knew
not what to do. After some time we came to more sober resolutions, but
then it was with this misfortune too, that my mother's opinion and mine
were quite different from one another, and indeed inconsistent with one
another; for my mother's opinion was, that I should bury the whole
thing entirely, and continue to live with him as my husband till some
other event should make the discovery of it more convenient; and that
in the meantime she would endeavour to reconcile us together again, and
restore our mutual comfort and family peace; that we might lie as we
used to do together, and so let the whole matter remain a secret as
close as death. 'For, child,' says she, 'we are both undone if it
comes out.' To encourage me to this, she promised to make me easy in my
circumstances, as far as she was able, and to leave me what she could
at her death, secured for me separately from my husband; so that if it
should come out afterwards, I should not be left destitute, but be able
to stand on my own feet and procure justice from him.