I cannot say, as some do, this devil is not so black as he is painted;
for indeed no colours can represent the place to the life, not any soul
conceive aright of it but those who have been suffers there. But how
hell should become by degree so natural, and not only tolerable, but
even agreeable, is a thing unintelligible but by those who have
experienced it, as I have.
The same night that I was sent to Newgate, I sent the news of it to my
old governess, who was surprised at it, you may be sure, and spent the
night almost as ill out of Newgate, as I did in it.
The next morning she came to see me; she did what she could to comfort
me, but she saw that was to no purpose; however, as she said, to sink
under the weight was but to increase the weight; she immediately
applied herself to all the proper methods to prevent the effects of it,
which we feared, and first she found out the two fiery jades that had
surprised me. She tampered with them, offered them money, and, in a
word, tried all imaginable ways to prevent a prosecution; she offered
one of the wenches #100 to go away from her mistress, and not to appear
against me, but she was so resolute, that though she was but a servant
maid at #3 a year wages or thereabouts, she refused it, and would have
refused it, as my governess said she believed, if she had offered her
#500. Then she attacked the other maid; she was not so hard-hearted in
appearance as the other, and sometimes seemed inclined to be merciful;
but the first wench kept her up, and changed her mind, and would not so
much as let my governess talk with her, but threatened to have her up
for tampering with the evidence.
Then she applied to the master, that is to say, the man whose goods had
been stolen, and particularly to his wife, who, as I told you, was
inclined at first to have some compassion for me; she found the woman
the same still, but the man alleged he was bound by the justice that
committed me, to prosecute, and that he should forfeit his recognisance.
My governess offered to find friends that should get his recognisances
off of the file, as they call it, and that he should not suffer; but it
was not possible to convince him that could be done, or that he could
be safe any way in the world but by appearing against me; so I was to
have three witnesses of fact against me, the master and his two maids;
that is to say, I was as certain to be cast for my life as I was
certain that I was alive, and I had nothing to do but to think of
dying, and prepare for it. I had but a sad foundation to build upon,
as I said before, for all my repentance appeared to me to be only the
effect of my fear of death, not a sincere regret for the wicked life
that I had lived, and which had brought this misery upon me, for the
offending my Creator, who was now suddenly to be my judge.