I was confounded now as much as he, and knew not what to say. I
thought many ways that I had the worst of it, but his saying he was
undone, and that he had no estate neither, put me into a mere
distraction. 'Why,' says I to him, 'this has been a hellish juggle,
for we are married here upon the foot of a double fraud; you are undone
by the disappointment, it seems; and if I had had a fortune I had been
cheated too, for you say you have nothing.' 'You would indeed have been cheated, my dear,' says he, 'but you would
not have been undone, for #15,000 would have maintained us both very
handsomely in this country; and I assure you,' added he, 'I had
resolved to have dedicated every groat of it to you; I would not have
wronged you of a shilling, and the rest I would have made up in my
affection to you, and tenderness of you, as long as I lived.' This was very honest indeed, and I really believe he spoke as he
intended, and that he was a man that was as well qualified to make me
happy, as to his temper and behaviour, as any man ever was; but his
having no estate, and being run into debt on this ridiculous account in
the country, made all the prospect dismal and dreadful, and I knew not
what to say, or what to think of myself.
I told him it was very unhappy that so much love, and so much good
nature as I discovered in him, should be thus precipitated into misery;
that I saw nothing before us but ruin; for as to me, it was my
unhappiness that what little I had was not able to relieve us week, and
with that I pulled out a bank bill of #20 and eleven guineas, which I
told him I had saved out of my little income, and that by the account
that creature had given me of the way of living in that country, I
expected it would maintain me three or four years; that if it was taken
from me, I was left destitute, and he knew what the condition of a
woman among strangers must be, if she had no money in her pocket;
however, I told him, if he would take it, there it was.
He told me with a great concern, and I thought I saw tears stand in his
eyes, that he would not touch it; that he abhorred the thoughts of
stripping me and make me miserable; that, on the contrary, he had fifty
guineas left, which was all he had in the world, and he pulled it out
and threw it down on the table, bidding me take it, though he were to
starve for want of it.