“You better watch it,” he sneers, running his hand through his black hair. “Or one of these days someone’s gonna shut that mouth of yours permanently.”
I bat my eyelashes at him and flip him the finger as I chuck the shake straight through the rolled-down window.
He curses as it lands on his lap and he jumps up, bumping his head onto the ceiling. “You bitch.”
“Go,” I command, rolling up the window quickly.
The tires squeal as Ethan backs out, nearly running over an old lady. Cranking the wheel, he burns rubber out of the parking lot. The sound of Mikey’s Camaro chases after us as we drive fast toward the turnout. I feel like a kid again and wish I could grasp onto the freeness, but once it’s time to go home, it’ll be over.
Mikey inches up to the bumper of the truck and starts flashing the headlights at us. Ethan accelerates as houses and trees blur by until the turnout comes into view on the side of the road. The turnout used to be an entrance to a road that led back to a spot underage people liked to party at, but when a few people—Micha included—got busted, the town blocked it off with a fence and a dirt hill.
“You’re going too fast,” I warn, grabbing the handle above my head. “You’re going to nosedive it.”
“Relax, I got this.” He downshifts. “And since when do you worry about shit like that?”
“I’m just worried about your truck.” I prop my foot up on the dash to keep myself in the seat. “But if you don’t care, then by all means ramp away.”
He laughs and floors the pedal. The engine flares and the tires squeal as the truck flies straight up the hill. There’s a brief moment where we are airborne and then we hit the ground hard. I’m thrown forward by the impact and bash my head on the dashboard as the car bounces to a stop.
“Ah, I think I just cracked my skull,” Ethan complains, grasping his head.
“That makes two of us.” I touch the tender spot on my head and rotate in my seat to look behind us. Headlights shine over the side of the hill and a shadow of Mikey appears at the top of it, along with three others.
“You better go.” I wave my hand for Ethan to move forward. “He can walk over the hill.”
He composes himself and drives down the rocky field, leaving them in the distance. Once we’re on the dirt road and tucked far away into the trees, we both relax.
“Wait a minute.” It dawns on me. “What are you going to do when he comes after you?”
“I’ve been thinking about taking a vacation from this place.” He makes a sharp veer to the left, directing the truck toward the side road that will take us back to our houses. “Guess now is as good a time as any to do it.”
“You’re going to just up and leave?” I turn sideways in my seat to look at him. “And go where?”
“I’m thinking of a solo road trip, like Into the Wild only on wheels, not foot.”
“Oddly enough, I can actually picture you doing this.”
There’s a trace of a smile on his face as he turns the car onto the road. We don’t talk for the rest of the drive, but it’s a nice silence. When he drops me off, I thank him again and tell him he should come with Lila and me to the wedding, since it’s kind of a road trip. He says he’ll think about it.
I walk inside, leaving the carefree night behind in order to grow up again and face my demons head-on.
Chapter 5
Micha
Things are awkward between Naomi and me. It’s the next morning and we’re supposed to be practicing at a club, but she’s over flirting with the bartender, who is twice her age and has a really long goatee.
It’s fairly quiet, since it’s barely past noon. There are a few people eating in the booths and chatting at the bar and one of the waitresses keeps coming up to Dylan, Chase, and me to see if we need anything.
I’m in the middle of a chord when my phone rings. I set the guitar down by my feet and see Ella’s name on the screen.
“Hey,” I answer in a light tone. “I was just thinking about calling you.”
“I must have read your mind then I guess.” She’s trying to sound happy, but the pitch of her voice is off.
I turn in the chair so my back is to Dylan and Chase. “What’s wrong? You sound upset.”
“I’m fine.” She breathes into the phone loudly. “My dad just ran out of rehab and I had to drive up to Star Grove and take him back.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” My voice echoes through the room so I lower it. “I would have come over and helped you.”“That’s why I didn’t call you.” Her tone is strained. “You didn’t need to come out. Ethan helped me and it’s all good. I’m taking my dad back to the rehab right now and then I’m heading back to school.”
“Do you need me to fly out there?” I stand up and pick up my guitar, ready to go.
“No, I’m fine, Micha,” she assures me. “I need to start taking care of myself a little bit more, but I promise I’m not having a meltdown.”
I should be happy, but I’m not. “When are you heading out to the wedding?”
She pauses and the phone statics. “In, like, a week, but you don’t need to come. I know you’re busy with stuff.”
“What the fuck is going on?” I’m getting pissed. “Why are you blowing me off?”
She sighs heavily. “I’m not blowing you off. I’m trying to let you live your life without my burdens… Look, I have to go. I just pulled up to the rehab center.” She hangs up before I can say anything else.
I rake my hands through my hair and then kick the brick wall behind the stage. “God damn it.”
Everyone in the club looks at me with terror in their eyes and I jump off the platform, storming for the door.
“Where are you going?” Naomi calls out, turning away from the bartender, ready to head after me. I ignore her and walk outside to the busy street.
Things aren’t going the way I planned. I haven’t even told Ella how I’m feeling—what I want from her—and she’s already pushing me away. Maybe I need to figure something else out.
Or maybe it might be time to move on.
Ella
“Do you want me to walk you in?” I say to my dad, putting the car into park. We’re out in front of the rehab center, a small tan brick building with a narrow bench area in front of it where people are smoking. The sky is cloudy and leaves fall from the trees onto the hood of the car.
He shakes his head as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “I’ll be fine, Ella. And you should probably be getting on the road before it gets too late.”
“Are you sure?” I check. “Because like I said back at the house, you can talk to me if you need to.”
He gazes at the entrance door. “I didn’t mean what I said… I don’t blame you. I know it wasn’t your fault.” My gaze meets his eyes, which have cleared of alcohol but still carry so much pain and hatred. “I know it’s probably hard for you to remember, but I didn’t used to be like this. Things used to be good, and then your mother started taking a turn for the worse and everything went downhill. It was hard to deal with, and I handled it wrong.”
I’m stunned. He’s never talked to me like this before, but he also hasn’t been sober for more than five minutes.
“Dad, do you regret things…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Do you wish that sometimes you would have just left and had a normal life?”
He lets out a shaky breath. “Honestly, yes, sometimes I look back and wish I would have run out. I probably would have been a lot happier. I’ll always hate myself for feeling that way, but it’s the truth.” He opens the door and climbs out, ducking his head back into the cab. “Thanks for bringing me back.”
He shuts the door and walks up the sidewalk, putting a cigarette into his mouth as he joins the people in the smoking area. A woman with red hair hands him a Zippo and he lights up, taking a drag. I sit in the car for a while and let his words replay in my mind with a heavy feeling weighing on my shoulders. Is this Micha’s and my future? The therapist already wants to check me for depression, which was how my mother started. What if it ends up that I am depressed? What if Micha and I stay together and I start to go downhill? What if I ruin his life?
By the time I leave the parking space, all I want to do is go home, climb into bed, and shut down my mind.
“Ella, get your butt out of bed,” Lila demands, jerking the blankets off me. “Or I swear to God, I’m going to dump a cup of ice water on you.”
The sunlight trickling through the window stings my eyes. I curl up in a ball, cradle my knees to my chest, and cover my head with my arms. “Leave me alone and close the curtain. The light is giving me a headache.”
She turns down the song playing on the stereo, “The Tide” by Spill Canvas, and sits down on the edge of the bed. She’s wearing a white shirt, jeans, and a pair of high-heeled boots. Her hair is curled up and her lips are stained pink, along with her cheeks.
“Are you going out?” I bury my face to the pillow and my voice muffles. “If you are, can you pick up some milk? I drank it all last night.”
She tugs on my shoulder, kind of roughly, and forces me to look at her. “You have to stop this. You’ve been in bed for almost three days… What the heck happened back in Star Grove?”
“Nothing,” I mutter. “I dropped my dad off at rehab and then drove back here.”
“What did your dad say to you?” She says it with accusation.
“Nothing.” I roll onto my stomach and smash my face into the pillow. “Look, Lila, you can sit here and dig into this all you want, but there’s nothing there. I just feel like shit and want to be alone.”
She dithers and then gets up from the bed. “I’ll be back later tonight with some milk.”
“Thank you.” I shut my eyes. “And can you turn the music back up?”